A Surreal Comedy Sketch for Two Actors About Memory, Invisibility and Immortality
He is already there. She enters.
Him – So then, what can I get the lady?
Her – I don’t know.
Him – Oh, you don’t seem too cheerful… Would you like a little pick-me-up?
Her – I’d tell you what I want, but in a minute you’ll have forgotten.
Him – Oh I doubt that. I never forget an order, miss.
Her – You’ll forget mine, you’ll see.
Him – Oh really? And why’s that?
Her – Because I’m the one everyone forgets.
Him – Sorry?
Her – I’m The Forgotten One. It’s always been like that. Since I was born.
Him – Like what? What do you mean?
Her – Even when she was pregnant, my mother used to forget she was expecting.
Him – No kidding…
Her – When I was born, my father forgot to register my birth. And when my mother left the hospital, she forgot to bring me home.
Him – Seriously?
Her – It’s not that they didn’t love me. They just forgot me. All the time. They’d regularly forget to pick me up from school. And don’t get me started on the number of service stations and hotel rooms where they forgot me during the holidays.
Him – Bloody hell…
Her – That’s how it is. Not all the time. Sometimes there are calm periods. And then it starts all over again. On my wedding day, I thought maybe I’d finally broken the curse. That someone, at last, would remember me. But my fiancé forgot to show up at the city hall. Even the officiant forgot to come. So did my parents, actually…
Him – But you seem lovely. Not the sort of woman you’d forget…
Her – I know. I’ve always had a lot of success with men. And yet, I’ve never broken anyone’s heart, I swear. That would have required them to actually remember me. But most of my boyfriends forgot to turn up for the second date.
Him – Right…
Her – You know the saying, “never on the first date”?
Him – Yes…
Her – Well in my case, if it didn’t happen on the first date, by the second one I’d already been forgotten.
Him – Must’ve been tough.
Her – You can say that again. Take job interviews. I was always the only one there, they’d forgotten me. I did manage to get hired two or three times, but people always ended up forgetting there was someone in the office. And of course, they forgot to pay me too…
Him – And so?
Her – Since I could never hold down a job, I ended up turning to crime.
Him – Crime? But you don’t look the type. How do you manage?
Her – I take whatever I want from shops and just walk out without paying.
Him – You’ll end up in prison.
Her – Not likely! The security guards forget to call the police. Or the police forget to show up. Or the prison guard forgets to lock the cell, because he forgets there’s anyone in it.
Him – Well, when you put it like that… I suppose it does have its upsides.
Her – When you’ve served me my drink, if you remember to do it, I’ll leave without paying, and you won’t even remember having served me.
Him – Really?
Her – I’ve never paid a restaurant bill in my life. And yet I eat out every day.
Him – No way… How long’s this been going on?
Her – Since 1902. That’s the year I was born.
Him – 1902? But that’s impossible.
Her – Death must have forgotten to come for me too.
Him – I see…
Her – I’m telling you… You’ll forget me too.
Pause.
Him – So then, what can I get the lady?
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A sketch from the collection Blackouts
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