A Metatheatrical Comedy Sketch for Two Actors About Memory, Improvisation and the Absurdity of Theatre
He is already there. She arrives.
Him – Hello. All right?
Her – All right. And you?
Him – Yeah, not bad.
Her – Bit chilly, isn’t it?
Him – Yeah. Can’t really say it’s warm. In fact, you could say it’s cold.
Her – Yes, that’s exactly what I said. Using litotes.
Him – A what?
Her – Litotes! Saying less to imply more, if you like. Like… “I don’t exactly hate you” to mean “I love you”.
Him – So “it’s not warm” is litotes?
Her – Could be.
Him – And it could mean “I love you”?
The other seems a bit thrown and takes a moment to restart the conversation as best she can.
Her – I’m wondering if it isn’t even colder this year than last.
Him – Oh, could well be.
Her – I remember, this time last year, I was sunbathing on the terrace.
Him – In your swimsuit? In the middle of January? Really?
She comes a bit closer.
Her – I’m sorry, I’m talking nonsense. Just filling space. I’ve completely forgotten my lines.
Him – Your lines?
Her – A total blank. A black hole.
Him – A black hole?
Her – Or a blank, if you prefer. I was hoping it would come back, but no. So I improvised. I’m really sorry.
Him – Sorry? What for?
Her – For forgetting my lines!
Him – But… we don’t have any lines!
Her – We don’t?
Him – No. Well, I don’t, anyway.
Her – Are you sure? So you’re improvising too?
Him – Well, yes…
Her – I thought as much. Saying things like that. So you’re just talking rubbish?
Him – What do you mean, rubbish?
Her – Whatever pops into your head.
Him – Well, not everything that pops into my head. I filter a bit, at least.
Her – If what you’re saying is the filtered version, I dread to think what got cut…
Him – So you reckon you had lines?
Her – Yes.
Him – Lines which you forgot.
Her – That’s what I thought. But are you sure you’re not reciting lines too?
Him – I don’t know… You think I might be?
Her – Something doesn’t add up.
Him – What doesn’t?
Her – If you’re saying lines, I can’t be improvising.
Him – Why not?
Her – It just wouldn’t make sense.
Him – Right, yes.
Her – Unless we’re both improvising.
Him – Or we’re both doing lines.
Her – But who on earth would’ve written such nonsense?
Him – You know what contemporary theatre’s like… Maybe the writer was improvising too.
Her – Ah yes, automatic writing and all that.
Him – I thought that had gone out of fashion.
Her – What’s certain is, the writer definitely had no script. At the start.
Him – So in a way, he improvised.
Her – Yes, you could say that.
Him – So why shouldn’t we improvise a bit too?
Her – Actually, I’m wondering if…
Him – What?
Her – If we aren’t writing the script ourselves, right now.
Him – I see. The characters improvise, and the writer just jots it all down.
Her – And he’s the one who gets the royalties.
Him – Being a writer… sounds like a lazy job.
Her – I’d go further. It’s plagiarism.
Him – Plagiarism?
Her – If the writer’s plagiarising his own characters…
Him – Still, you said it yourself. What we’re saying isn’t exactly Shakespeare.
Her – No. Let’s be honest.
Him – Maybe we’ve improvised enough now.
Her – Yes. That’ll do.
Him – So?
Her – What?
Him – What were we saying before we started talking?
Blackout.
All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.
To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.
A sketch from the collection Blackouts
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net