A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
One (man or woman) arrives, opens their mailbox, and unsurprisingly but with a certain sadness, finds it empty. Another character (man or woman) arrives, also opens their mailbox, and after a moment of surprise, pulls out a stack of letters.
One – Looks like you’ve got mail today…
Two – Yes, I don’t understand… Usually, aside from junk mail… Let me see…
Their face darkens.
One – No bad news, I hope…
Two – No news at all… It’s the mail for my neighbours on this floor… The mailman got it wrong again…
One – Ah…
Two – I’ll put it back in their mailbox.
One – Yes…
Two – So, nothing for you either…
One – No, no mail today…
The other is about to put the mail into another mailbox but drops the stack on the ground.
Two – Darn!
One – Wait, I’ll help you.
The two characters bend down to pick up the envelopes and take the opportunity to examine them.
Two – Well, I didn’t know he subscribed to Diving Magazine…
One – True, we’re quite far from the sea…
Two – He must do scuba diving in the pool.
One – Or in his bathtub…
Two – There’s also a letter with the Fire Brigade letterhead.
One – Maybe he’s a volunteer firefighter.
Two – Or maybe it’s an invitation to the annual ball…
Laughter. Embarrassment.
Two – Isn’t this a bit intrusive, what we’re doing?
One – Yes, a bit… What else?
The two characters start examining the envelopes.
One – A postcard.
Two – Where is it from?
One – The Balearic Islands. Ibiza.
Two – What does it say?
One – Still…
Two – That doesn’t count; it’s a postcard! Even the postman could have read it…
One – “A little hello from the Ibiza, where we’re spending a week on vacation. The landscapes are beautiful, and the weather is lovely. See you very soon. Kisses. Peter and Jack.”
Two – That’s so ordinary…
One – People don’t know how to write anymore.
Two – But still.
One – What?
Two – It’s signed Peter and Jack.
One – Dive buddies, perhaps?
Two – Or firefighter friends…
The two characters immerse themselves again in examining the mail.
Two – Oh, a letter with the address written in pink ink…
One – Oh yes…
Two – I wonder who that could be…
One – Is he married?
Two – Separated, I think.
One – Isn’t there a recipient’s address on the back?
The other turns the letter.
Two – Donald…
One – Why would a Donald write to him in pink ink?
Two – That would explain why his wife left him.
One – How can we find out?
Two – I have my suspicions…
They open the envelope.
One – No way?
Two – Sorry, I couldn’t resist. An impulse, as the serial killers say.
One – Well, now, might as well read it.
Two – “Hello Alan. Excuse me for writing to you with a pink pen, but it’s all I had on hand. Especially since it’s to tell you some very sad news. Aunt Mary passed away yesterday…”
One – A death announcement in pink ink… How could we have guessed?
Two – This mail is so disappointing. I wonder if it’s worth continuing.
One – You’re right. This guy is so ordinary.
Two – Completely transparent.
One – It’s so simple; I wouldn’t recognise him if I passed him in the stairwell.
Two – Let’s put all this back in his mailbox.
They put the mail back into the recipient’s mailbox and check their watches.
Two – Oh my… Already! I’m going to miss my soap opera.
One – Ah, you watch it too?
Two – Thankfully, there’s TV to change our minds a bit…
They exit.
Black.
All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.
To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.
A sketch from the collection Open Letters
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net