A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
One character is there, dressed in black with a white clerical collar. A second character arrives, dressed in a very casual style.
Two – Hello, Father.
One – Hello, my son. How can I help you?
Two – Well, I was wondering how to be sure of going to heaven.
One – Sure…? You know, heaven is not a given for anyone, my son.
Two – Not even for you?
One – We are all poor sinners. Myself included. Do you know what Jesus said to those who wanted to stone an adulterous woman?
Two – What?
One – Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Two – OK, but aside from not stoning women… There must be a few tricks to earn points, right?
One – It’s not a game either, you know, with a certain score to achieve, beyond which admission would be automatic. It’s at God’s discretion.
Two – But you must have an idea! After all, you’re the specialist…
One – Of course… Let’s say… You must strive to do good around you.
Two – Do good.
One – You must be nice.
Two – Yes.
One – This seems to perplex you, my son.
Two – It’s just that… it’s about what my wife often says.
One – Your wife?
Two – Too nice for your own good.
One – Excuse me?
Two – Too nice for your own good. That’s what my wife says.
One – And what do you mean by that, my son?
Two – Well… She seems to suggest that when one is too nice, others take advantage.
One – I see.
Two – What do you think, Father? Do you think one can be too nice?
One – Too nice? Well…
Two – Because I want to be just nice enough to go to heaven, but not so much that people take me for a fool, you see.
One – I understand.
Two – So what’s the middle ground?
One – That is…
Two – Take Jesus, for example.
One – Jesus?
Two – Don’t you think he was a bit too nice?
One – But… Why do you say that?
Two – He did end up on the cross…
One – That’s true.
Two – Too nice for your own good, I tell you. My wife is right.
One – My God… She might not be entirely wrong.
Two – Did he end up in heaven, at least?
One – Who?
Two – Jesus!
One – Jesus? In heaven? I must admit, that’s a question… I’ve never considered.
Two – So where is he then?
One – Where?
Two – If he’s not in heaven, where is he?
One – Well… I don’t know.
Two – And what does he do all day?
One – How Jesus spends his days…? I must admit, you’ve stumped me there too.
Two – I’ll ask ChatGPT about it.
He takes out his mobile and starts typing.
One – And so?
Two – So, according to ChatGPT, Jesus is waiting for God to command him to return to Earth.
One – He’s waiting…?
Two – He’s waiting.
One – And he does nothing else?
Two – Basically, he’s bored out of his mind.
One – Ah, yes…
Two – He must be doing something while he waits. But what?
One – I don’t know…
Two – If even ChatGPT doesn’t know where Jesus is and what he does all day…
One – On the other hand, my son, you know what they say…
Two – What?
One – Great is the mystery of Faith…
Two – Yeah.
One – Yeah…
Pause.
Two – Too nice for your own good, I tell you…
Blackout.
All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.
To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.
A sketch from the collection Enough is enough!
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net