A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
A man arrives breathless in front of a woman, resembling a hostess.
Him – Good morning, miss. I am Mr. Smith…
Her (checking a list) – Mr. Smith, yes, perfectly.
Him – Sorry, I’m a bit late…
Her (pleasantly) – You’re the last one, indeed. We were just waiting for you to take off… Do you have any luggage?
Him – Uh, no… (Pointing to the plastic bag in his hand) Just this… Can I take it in the cabin…?
Her – Of course… Economy class, is that correct…?
Him (nodding) – How long does the flight last?
Her (checking) – Wait, so I don’t say anything wrong… Exactly 37 years… You’ll arrive on April 16, 3022, at noon, local time…
Him – I thought in April there would be fewer people…
Her – Outside of school holidays, it’s still cheaper. And there, April is the beautiful season. The days get longer. In winter, we barely have time to get up, and it’s already dark: the days only last five hours!
Him – Have you been there before?
Her – Yes! Several times. As flight attendants, we get discounted rates… Did you pack warm clothes for defrosting?
Him – Of course.
Her – It’s a good thing we have perks, you know… Because being a flight attendant… It’s a crazy life… You leave on any flight for about sixty years, you come back, you have to make new friends. Yours are already all dead and buried… Or completely worn out… Do you have friends?
Him – No.
Her – You’re right. It’s much simpler. (Her phone rings, and she answers.) Yes…? Perfect, thank you. (She hangs up and addresses her passenger again.) This time, it’s time. I’m told your rocket is about to take off any moment now. I won’t say goodbye. When you come back, I probably won’t be in this world anymore. I’m working on the solar system right now. There’s almost no annual time difference. It’s much less tiring.
Him – Especially when you have children…
Her – You leave them at the nursery, and when you come back from work, they’ve finished medical school… Bon voyage!
He leaves, forgetting his plastic bag.
Him – Thank you.
Her – Ah, you’re forgetting your carry-on…
Him – Oh, for what’s inside…
Her – You’re right… No need to burden yourself… When you arrive, fashion has completely changed… Might as well buy clothes on-site…
Him – Oh, I didn’t ask you about the return. When is it?
Her – The return? Oh, that’s a question I’m rarely asked… I can give you an estimate, but you know… It will depend on the evolution of aviation in the meantime…
Him – Don’t bother. I’ll see that there. Have a good day…
Her – Good day to you… Well, I mean… Good hibernation…
Him – Yes, indeed… 37 years, though…
Her – Oh, you’ll see, you won’t feel the time passing… And you’ll wake up as fresh as a daisy…
Him – Excuse me for asking, but is this really a safe company…? You’ve never had a cold chain break…?
Her – Think so! Everything is very controlled. The last incident we had was a passenger who got on the wrong flight. He was supposed to meet his fiancée on Venus for their honeymoon, and he accidentally boarded a planet located about forty light-years away… Of course, when he came back, she…
Him – She wasn’t exactly as fresh as a daisy anymore…
They laugh.
Her – Well, now go on, or you’ll miss it. And the next flight is only in seventy years…
Him – I’m going…
Black.