A sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
A bar. A table where two teenage girls are seated. Both are looking out the window toward the audience.
One – What are all those pigeons doing here?
Two (distracted) – What?
One – The pigeons! Why are they only in the city? (The other looks preoccupied with something else.) They’re not really pets. I mean, not like dogs or cats. They’re birds. They’re free, they’re not in cages, and they can fly. They could just leave.
Two – Where would they go?
One – I don’t know. To the countryside. Why don’t they just fly off to the countryside, all those pigeons?
Two – To the countryside…? There’s nothing for them to peck at in the countryside…
One – They make me feel sick, just watching them.
Two (distracted) – Yeah…
One – Look, they’re coprophiles.
Two – Huh?
One – Didn’t you see what they were eating?
Two – What?
One – Dog shit…
Two (glancing, not too interested) – Oh… right…
One – Isn’t that what they call an ecosystem?
Two – Why do they stay here eating crap when they could be eating cherries in the countryside?
One – Cherry season isn’t all year round. (Her phone rings, she answers) Yes… Yes… Yes… Okay.
She hangs up.
Two – So?
One – They haven’t posted the results yet…
Two – What if we didn’t pass?
One – I’d rather not think about it… Why would we not pass?
Two – I don’t know. Fear of winning. Like a show horse that refuses the jump at the last second. Happens to the best champions.
One – Wait, we’re not horses. And besides, high school exams aren’t a competition. It’s like the driving test. Just because a lot of people pass it doesn’t mean you’re less likely to.
Two – Yeah well, precisely. I’ve already failed the driving test twice…
One – If I fail, I’m dead. My parents would kill me. They stuck me in this Catholic school because they had a 100% success rate. It costs them a full wage every month. If I don’t pay them back…
Two – However, there have been years when it was 99%.So someone can fail, now and then. It’s rare, but it can happen.
One – I don’t know… I don’t know… Maybe the guy missed his train…
The phone rings. The first answers immediately.
One – Yes… Yes… Yes… Okay…
She hangs up, her face unreadable.
Two – Well?
One – They’ve just released the results.
Two (tense) – And then?
No longer pretending, the second bursts into joy.
One – We passed! Damn it, we passed, I’m telling you!
They both hug.
Two – You shouldn’t have strung me along like that. My heart’s beating a hundred miles an hour.
One – You mean a hundred a minute. If it were a hundred an hour, you’d be dead already.
Two – What grade did we get?
One – Wait, it’s already good news… Don’t ask for a miracle. Oh god… We’ll have to celebrate…
Two – Yes… Although, everyone has their high school diploma now…
One – Mmm… That’s when the real trouble starts.
Two – Come on… Life is beautiful! It’s summer!
They leave.
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A sketch from the collection At the Bar Counter
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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