A sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
One – Promise me you won’t panic…
Two – What?
One – Donald Trump has just been elected President of the United States.
Two – Donald Trump? But I thought…
One – Donald Trump Junior.
Two – Right… So, here we go again.
One – I’ve always wondered why fools are so successful in politics. To the point of founding dynasties…
Two – The problem with fools is that most voters see themselves in them.
One – And fools have short memories.
Two – It’s true that Hitler didn’t leave a good impression, yet there are still Nazis today.
One – Trump Senior didn’t leave a great impression either. His son promised he’d learned from the past, but still…
Two – Dictators are like ayatollahs or popes: even when they call themselves progressive, there’s still plenty of room for progress.
One – Which probably explains why, throughout history, religions have always gotten along so well with dictatorships.
Two – When it’s not the religious leaders themselves who seize power to establish a theocracy.
One – Like in Iran or the Vatican.
Two – The Vatican is a theocracy?
One – Well… I think so, right?
Two – What else could the Vatican be, if not a theocracy?
One – I don’t know… A tax haven?
Two – Yeah. Actually, it already is one, isn’t it?
One – You think?
Two – Nobody pays taxes in the Vatican, do they?
One – So where does all that money come from?
Two – They’ve got a massive real estate portfolio around the world, and the Vatican Bank holds loads of financial assets.
One – I’m telling you, it’s a tax haven. They’re swimming in money, and poor people from all over the world still send them donations.
Two – You’re right… They’ve hit the jackpot. All they’re missing is a casino, a football club, and a golf course.
One – As for golf, the Pope already has the little cart.
Two – It’s true, a golf course or a football pitch in Saint Peter’s Square would be quite something…
One – In the past, the Church used to sell indulgences so the rich could go straight to Heaven despite their sins. Now the Pope could sell passports to his tax haven.
Two – Like the Prince of Monaco.
One – If I were the Prince of Monaco, I’d start a religion too. He already has the casino and the football club.
Two – And poor people from around the world would send him their savings.
One – That said, I’d rather be in the Prince of Monaco’s shoes than the Pope’s.
Two – Oh yeah…?
One – I’d rather marry Grace Kelly than spend my life in a dress.
A pause.
Two – Still, Donald Trump Junior… It’s unbelievable, isn’t it?
One – You know, in America, they already had Bush the son after Bush the father.
Two – In the name of the Father, the Son, and why not the Grandson. Might as well crown the King of Fools and bring back hereditary monarchy.
One – Yes… People are really taken for fools.
Two – But then again, aren’t people actually fools?
One – Anyway, that wouldn’t happen here.
Two – True. We’re not big fans of hereditary power.
One – Unfortunately, in politics, foolishness isn’t always passed down directly.
Two – Which is why, in the end, despite everything, we always end up ruled by the King of Fools.
Blackout.
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A sketch from the collection Don’t panic!
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