A sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
One – Promise me you won’t panic…
Two – What?
One – There’s a wasp sitting on your ear.
Two – Oh my God! I’m allergic to wasp stings. Last time, I ended up in the emergency room. I nearly died.
One – Exactly why I told you not to panic.
Two – So, what should I do?
One – Above all, no sudden movements. It might just fly off the way it came.
Two – I can feel it now…
One – Yes, it moved. Looks like it’s trying to get into your ear.
Two – That’s horrible…
One – Yes. Absolutely terrifying.
Two – I preferred it when you were telling me not to panic.
One – Yes, but now I’m the one panicking…
Two – You should be telling the wasp not to panic. Because if it panics, it’s going to sting me.
One – I can’t see it anymore.
Two – Did it leave?
One – Or it went into your ear. Can you feel anything?
Two – No…
One – Ah, I see it coming out.
Two – Good thing it didn’t decide to build a wasp nest in my ear.
One – Do wasps make honey?
Two – No. Maybe that’s why we’re less forgiving when they sting.
One – If it makes you feel better, if it stings you, it’ll die too.
Two – Sorry?
One – Wasps die after they sting, right?
Two – I think it’s bees that die after stinging.
One – What’s the point of stinging to defend yourself if you die afterwards?
Two – I suppose it’s to protect the hive. Bees are social insects. It’s a kind of sacrifice.
One – Like a soldier sacrificing himself to save his country.
Two – Fortunately, not all soldiers die after firing a shot.
One – Would you sacrifice yourself to save me?
Two – I should say yes… but the truth is, I don’t know.
One – At least you’re honest.
Two – What’s the wasp doing now?
One – It’s rubbing its hands. I mean, its legs. Like bees do after collecting pollen from a flower.
Two – First time I’ve been pollinated by a wasp.
One – And yet you don’t make pollen.
Two – Luckily. I’m also allergic to pollen.
One – Are you sure wasps don’t make honey?
Two – Yes. But ears do make wax.
One – That must be why it’s rubbing its legs.
Two – Are you sure it’s not a bee?
One – I’m not sure. Yes, maybe it’s a bee. (Approaching) Oh my God! It looks like it’s pulling out its…
Two – Its what?
One – Its sting!
Two – I’m going to die…
The other slaps them hard on the ear.
One – Sorry…
Two – Are you out of your mind!
The other looks down.
One – Phew! It’s dead. I feel kind of bad… Especially if it was a bee.
Two – Still… it was either it or me.
One – Yeah…
Two – In a way, you saved my life.
One – Yes…
Two – What?
One – I said yes…
Two – I can’t hear anything anymore. Do you think it stung me anyway? I think my ear is starting to swell, and I hear a sort of buzzing…
One – Don’t worry, it must be the slap…
Two – Are you sure?
One – No… I just said that to reassure you. But we’d better call the emergency services…
Blackout.
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A sketch from the collection Don’t panic!
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