One – What are you reading?
Two – I’m not reading, it’s… it’s a method…
One – A method…
Two – A language-learning method…
One – I didn’t know there were methods for learning how to use your tongue…
Two – For learning languages! Foreign languages…
One – Ah, right… Is it for your next holiday, then? Spanish? Italian?
Two – Russian.
One – Russian…? Is that a joke?
Two – No.
One – Do you want to go on holiday to Russia?
Two – No.
One – Then why do you want to learn Russian?
Two – Why not? Russia’s a big country, isn’t it? And Russian literature is no small thing.
One – You can always read Tolstoy in translation…
Two – Yes, but it’s not the same… and besides, Russian can always come in handy.
One – Come in handy? For what?
Two – I don’t know… If one day they invaded us…
One – Right… So you’re already learning the language of the occupier.
Two – At least I’d understand what they’re saying.
One – And you’re not afraid of having your head shaved at the Liberation? You know… like in Paris.
Two – At worst, I could read War and Peace in the original…
One – Have you read it in translation already?
Two – No…
One – Do you really think the Russians could get this far?
Two – The Germans did march down the Champs-Élysées.
One – That was still closer. They only had the Rhine to cross.
Two – Napoleon did invade Russia.
One – And that didn’t work out too well for him. The Berezina is narrower than the Rhine, but it’s a lot further away… And why is there a bear on the cover of your book?
Two – It’s the symbol of Russia… strong and unpredictable. I say it’s better to be ready for any eventuality. You should start too.
One – It’s not for tomorrow, is it?
Two – No, but you don’t learn Russian in a week…
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

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A sketch from the collection Of Animals and Men
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article The Bear est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

One – What’s that noise outside…? It’s unbearable… It’s even scaring the pigeons away…
Two – They’re doves…
One – It sounds like… military music.
Two – Ah yes, maybe…
One – Yes, that’s it… military music.
Two – Yes, a brass band…
One – Military music… It’s unbelievable…
Two – What is?
One – Music and military… it sounds like an oxymoron, doesn’t it?
Two – A what?
One – Two words that don’t really go together. Not like Michelle and Ma Belle, you know.
Two – Michelle and Ma Belle…?
One – The Beatles song!
Two – Ah, yes…
One – Music is more of a pacifist thing, isn’t it?
Two – That’s true…
One – They say music soothes the savage beast.
Two – Yes…
One – So music shouldn’t go with war, should it?
Two – No.
One – Still, it’s true that military music… makes you instantly want to kill someone.
Two – Starting with the bloke who composed that masterpiece…
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Of Animals and Men
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article The Doves est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

One – It’s not exactly cheerful, all this…
Two – No.
One – There’s so much misery in the world.
Two – So many wars.
One – Children dying of hunger.
Two – Earthquakes.
One – Floods.
Two – Tornadoes.
One – Even here, at home, you read so many horrors in the newspapers.
Two – Accidents.
One – Crimes.
Two – Rapes.
One – Drownings.
Two – Indigestion.
One – And yet we go on living quite peacefully.
Two – Yes. It doesn’t keep us awake at night, that’s for sure.
One – And it doesn’t spoil our appetite.
Two – What good would it do to starve ourselves?
One – None at all, obviously.
Two – So we might as well keep stuffing ourselves.
One – Want some more?
Two – Thanks, but I can’t swallow another thing…
One – I hope it wasn’t what I said that put you off your food.
Two – Don’t be silly… You’ve already served me three times.
One – Do you think we’re too selfish?
Two – What can we do about it anyway?
One – I don’t know. Nothing, probably.
Two – We can think about it from time to time.
One – I think about it, then I forget.
Two – That’s life.
One – That’s how it is.
Two – And as for the others, really… we don’t give a toss, let’s be honest.
One – We don’t give a toss about the neighbours.
Two – Not about friends either.
One – Not about family.
Two – And they don’t give a toss about us either.
One – That’s how it is. That’s life.
Two – It’s sad, but that’s how it is.
One – Is it sad?
Two – Well… yes…
One – Anyway, we’re glad it’s not happening to us.
Two – Yes, very glad.
One – Come on, let’s finish it all.
Two – After all… it’s not Sunday every day.
One – Is it Sunday today? I thought Sunday was yesterday…
Two – Oh yes, maybe…
One – In the end, Sunday or Monday, what difference does it make?
Two – That’s not going to spoil our appetite.
One – For us, every day’s Sunday, isn’t it?
Two – I don’t give a toss about you either. Come on, cheers to me!
Blackout.

L’article Birds of Prey est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.