A woman walks by, pulling a wheeled trash bin from which male and/or female feet protrude. Another woman arrives to collect her mail and greets the first.
One – Good morning!
Two – Ah, good morning! How are you?
The other notices the feet sticking out of the trash bin.
One – Is it bulky item collection today? I thought it was next week?
Two – It was an emergency…
One – Spring cleaning, then?
Two – Yes, you could say that.
She puts the feet back into the trash bin so they’re not visible.
One – I should get around to it too when I have the time. We accumulate so much stuff over the years.
Two – Could you hold the door for me?
One – Of course, stay right there.
She steps offstage to hold a door that may not necessarily be visible.
Two – That’s kind of you!
One – No problem, please. Have a good day!
Two – Thank you! You too.
The other woman leaves with her trash bin.
Another woman arrives to collect her mail.
One – Ah, good morning! Very pleased to meet you. I’m your next-door neighbour. I saw you from afar while you were moving in…
Three – You’re right, it’s better to keep a distance in those cases. Just kidding…
One – I’m delighted that… Well, I just wanted to say… Welcome to the building!
Three – Thank you, that’s very kind of you.
One – Among neighbours…
Three – Yes…
One – You’ll see, people in the building are very nice. And especially, if you need anything…
Three – Thank you.
One – I must be going now… I’m picking up my daughter from her violin lesson. Do you have children?
Three – Yes… Well, no. I mean… Now, I’m rid of them, fortunately.
One – Rid of them…?
Three – Yes… I put them in the freezer, to have some peace and quiet.
One – Ah, yes…
Three – I’m kidding.
One – Of course.
Three – They’re grown up now. They no longer live at home.
One – It does create a void when they leave. Towards the end, you can’t wait for them to clear out. And then, in the end… It creates a void.
Three – But your daughter still lives with you, right? I mean, if you’re picking her up from her violin lesson…
One – Yes… But I can imagine. It must have created a void for you, right?
Three – When my last one left, I first considered adopting a dog from the shelter, and then, in the end, my mother-in-law came to live with us.
One – A dog needs to be taken out three times a day to do its business. It’s quite inconvenient.
Three – You’re right. A mother-in-law is much more practical.
One – Yes…
Three – There are diapers…
One – Yes…
Three – I’m kidding…
One – Of course… Well, I’ll leave you now… Otherwise, my daughter will be waiting for me…
Three – I’m sorry I haven’t been more talkative. But I’m a bit overwhelmed at the moment. With this move…
One – I understand.
Three – Anyway, we’ll surely have the opportunity to meet again since we’re next-door neighbours.
One – But I was thinking… Why don’t you come for drinks tonight?
Three – Uh… Yes, why not?
One – Around 7:30?
Three – Fine. (She checks her watch.) Now, I must leave. Otherwise, my first patient will be waiting. So, see you tonight!
One – Perfect!
The other leaves. Another character arrives.
One – You know what? I just ran into our new next-door neighbour. I invited her for drinks tonight.
Four – You invited her?
One – Well, yes, why?
Four – I ran into her husband this morning, and you know what?
One – What?
Four – He’s a tax inspector.
One – Tax inspector… You mean tax audits and all that…
Four – Yes.
One – At the same time, we have nothing to hide, right?
Four – You say that… And what about the shelves in my office that I had installed off the books by the guy on the fifth floor?
One – They’re not coming to inspect the house…
Four – It’s second nature to those people!
One – You think?
Four – And even so. Imagine, we’ll have to be careful about everything we say.
One – What could we say? Apart from your shelves?
Four – Imagine we have a falling out with them.
One – Why would we fall out with them? We don’t know them?
Four – Exactly! We don’t know what might offend them. We don’t know their religious or political opinions.
One – It’s kind of the point when you invite people to get to know them.
Four – Yes, but he, if we say something he doesn’t like, he has the means to subject us to a tax audit. And believe me, those people, when they search, they find…
One – Oh my God, you’re right… Why did I invite her? Maybe we could cancel?
Four – They’ll find it suspicious! That would be even worse. Or they’ll think we don’t like them…
One – You’re right… So, what do we do?
Four – What a mess you’ve gotten us into again…
One – And her, I don’t even know what she does. I completely forgot to ask… Anyway, she seems a bit disturbed…
Four – She’s a psychoanalyst…
One – No way? But how do you know that? Did her husband tell you?
Four – I saw her put up her sign in front of the building this morning.
One – Psychoanalyst? So that’s why she asked me so many questions…
Four – What kind of questions?
One – Well… About violin lessons, for example.
Four – Violin lessons?
One – Do you think that has a special meaning for a psychoanalyst, violin lessons?
Four – Well, it does for a tax inspector. Especially if you pay for them under the table…
One – But it’s awful…
Four – I mean, can you imagine the torture of this aperitif? Between a tax inspector and a psychoanalyst!
One – You’re right, we’ll have to be careful about everything we say…
Four – We’ll try to say as little as possible.
One – Yes…
Four – But it won’t be easy.
One – No, for sure… When you invite people for drinks to get to know them…
Awkward pause.
Four – Are the bulk item collections today?
One – Next week… By the way, I also ran into the neighbour from the fifth floor who was taking out her trash, and you know what?
Four – Don’t tell me you invited her for drinks too?
One – No, but I thought I saw human remains sticking out of the trash.
Four – Don’t you think we have more urgent problems to deal with?
One – You’re right… What if we put something in their drink? Like sleeping pills, you know. Just to shorten the evening…
Four – You think?
They exit.
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Open Letters
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Invitation est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

The stage is empty except for a large wheeled trash bin with a yellow lid. A woman arrives, pulling another similar bin with a green lid. Dressed elegantly and wearing high heels, she attempts to maintain a semblance of dignity in the degrading task of taking out the trash herself. Her phone rings, and she answers.
Woman 1 – Hello, yes? Oh, good evening, Jack! No, no, you’re not bothering me. I was just organising some papers and getting ready to take a bath… Tonight at half-past seven? Oh yes, that’s absolutely perfect! But are you sure that… Your last patient? Very well! In that case, maybe we’ll have time to grab a drink afterward, just to get to know each other a bit? Oh yes, or dinner if you prefer… I know a very good Japanese place on the side of… Oh, you hate sushi… No, no, not at all… I also love pizzas… Perfect, then see you later… No, no, I have the address of your office… Oh, there’s a code after 7 PM… Wait, let me grab something to write with… I’m in the bathroom, and I don’t have anything on me… I mean, to write on…
She takes out a pencil but, realising she has no paper, opens the lid of the yellow trash bin. Finding it empty, she leaves the lid open and opens the lid of her own trash bin, from which she randomly takes a low-calorie cereal box.
Woman 1 – There, I’m listening… Oh, wow, indeed, it’s complicated… (Joking) Couldn’t you have chosen 111 or 007, like everyone else? Oh, it’s your mother-in-law’s date of death… Yes, you’re right, for a burglar, obviously, it’s more difficult to guess… But can you repeat that more slowly? Just a second, let me get a bit more comfortable…
She contorts herself to try to write with one hand on the cardboard while holding the phone with the other, before deciding to place the cardboard on the edge of the open yellow trash bin. The cardboard falls to the ground, and in trying to catch it, she drops her phone into the empty bin.
Woman 1 – Oh no, this can’t be true… (Towards the bottom of the bin) Hello? Jack? Can you hear me? (She leans toward the bottom of the trash bin to try to retrieve the phone.) Hello? I can barely hear you…
She ends up tipping into the trash bin. Only her two legs stick out, which she waves while making muffled cries. A man arrives, holding a phone.
Man – Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?
His wife arrives behind him.
Woman 2 – Jack? What are you doing there?
Jacques immediately puts away his phone. Fearing being caught in this embarrassing position, the trash bin prisoner withdraws her legs and calms down.
Man – Well, I… I came to get the trash bin to bring it back up… The hairdresser couldn’t fit you in, after all?
Woman 2 (sternly) – Yes. I’m coming out.
Man – Ah, very well…
Woman 2 – You haven’t forgotten that tonight I’m going to my department head’s farewell party?
Man – No, no, don’t worry… I’ll take the opportunity to catch up on my overdue accounting at the office.
The woman sees the cereal box on the floor.
Woman 2 – People are so dirty… (Picking up the packaging to put it back in the trash bin) And I have the feeling that the newcomers are the worst… By the way, have you met the new neighbour?
Man – What neighbour?
Woman 2 – Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed her… The one with the ample bosom…
Man – Ah, that one…
Woman 2 – You see, you do remember.
Man – It’s true that she’s quite a beautiful woman.
Woman 2 – I find her rather vulgar, but well…
Man – Vulgar?
Woman 2 – She’s divorced, I think…
Man – She told you that?
Woman 2 – A woman who takes out the trash herself must be living alone… And as she’s too old to still be single, I conclude that she’s divorced… or a widow.
Man – She’s not that old…
Woman 2 – She must be around my age.
Man – Oh, really? It doesn’t show…
Woman 2 – When she takes out the trash in the morning in a robe before putting on makeup, it shows, believe me… But hey, it really seems like she made quite an impression on you…
Man – You’re the one who brought it up. (Pause) And then she called the office today for a descaling…
Woman 2 – Descaling… When?
Man – Tonight.
Woman 2 – Ah, okay… It must have been an emergency.
Man – Maybe she has an important appointment…
Woman 2 – Right… Well… Just don’t bring her home. Because I’m telling you, I’m capable of anything…
Man – Bring her home… What are you talking about…?
They start to move away.
Woman 2 – Well, aren’t you bringing the bin back up?
Man – Yes, yes… (He takes the wheeled bin by the handle and follows his wife.) But when you say capable of anything… Not killing, right?
A phone rings from inside the trash bin.
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Open Letters
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Garbage est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.