A man slowly regains consciousness in his bed. The woman enters, dressed as a businesswoman, holding a laptop in a briefcase.
Woman – Good morning, dear sir.
Man – Good morning…
Woman – Excuse me for a moment, it won’t take long.
Man – Please, go ahead…
She takes the laptop out of the briefcase, turns it on, and places it on the nightstand so that he can see the screen.
Woman – Do you remember the Wi-Fi password?
Man – I don’t even remember my name.
Woman – No worries, we can skip it. (She clears her throat) Dear sir, I wanted to meet you without delay because I have some good news to share.
Man – A new product, perhaps? A miracle cure? Something that could save my life.
Woman – You’ve said the words right out of my mouth, dear sir. Indeed, the new financial products I have to offer could change your life.
Man – I suppose you’re not a doctor, then.
Woman – I’m your financial advisor. You do hold an account with the Holy Spirit Bank, don’t you?
Man – Yes, perhaps.
Woman – I can assure you that you are one of our top clients.
Man – That’s good to know. Because I’m not even sure I’m a good Catholic…
Woman – Don’t worry; it’s not mandatory for stock trading. And as a privileged client of our bank, I wanted to offer you, as a priority, our new investment opportunities with absolutely exceptional returns.
Man – Oh, I see.
Woman – Look at this graph. (She shows him a chart.) Our new investment fund, the Phoenix Growth Fund, has gained 27% in the last six months.
Man – The Phoenix? Oh yes, that sounds promising. But why that name?
Woman – The year before, unfortunately, the Phoenix had lost 73% of its stock value. It’s a high-risk investment, reserved for the boldest investors, but it always rises from its ashes!
Man – I’m not sure I can say the same.
Woman – Come now, I’m sure I can recognize a fighter in you. The stock market is always a winning investment in the long term.
Man – You know, the long term, for me… I told you I just received the last rites?
Woman – I was getting to that, dear sir. I won’t hide from you that you need to decide quickly. This is an exceptional opportunity. But it won’t be available for everyone. We can only serve our most reactive clients.
Man – I’m not sure I’m very reactive anymore, even to medical treatments. To be honest, I’m starting to wonder if I’m already dead…
She opens her case and takes out a brochure, handing it to him with a sales smile.
Woman – Don’t worry… we also have a range of life and death insurance products.
Man (taking the document) – Thank you…
Woman – I’ll let you think it over, dear sir. We won’t hound you, will we? We’re here to provide you with advice, above all…
Man – Right, I’ll think it over.
Woman – I’ll leave you now; I have other potential investors to see in this facility. By the way, what is this place? Some kind of retirement home?
Man – It’s a Palliative Care Unit.
Woman – I see. So, see you very soon. But think fast, dear sir. In your case, especially, you don’t have any time to waste… and it would be a shame to miss such an opportunity.
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Not even dead
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article The Phoenix est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

Two characters arrive.
Jo – Do you have news about him?
Nic – He’s dead.
Jo – Damn. So it wasn’t so benign after all. I didn’t know you could die from laugher.
Nic – Actually, he died from exhaustion. He was overcome with laughter from morning till night. And even at night. He couldn’t sleep. It was his heart that gave out. He didn’t get to enjoy his sick leave for long.
Jo – And the doctors couldn’t do anything to save him?
Nic – They tried everything to make him stop laughing. They even took him to the theatre. But the disease was already too advanced…
A faint fire alarm is heard. A third person arrives, panicked and in their underwear.
Mat – There’s a fire on the ground floor!
Jo – A fire?
Mat – I work on the first floor but I went up to the seventh for… Anyway, I decided to take refuge on the top floor. By the time the fire spreads up here, maybe they’ll come rescue us by helicopter.
Nic – You watch too much TV…
Mat – Oh my God, I left all my files in my office! Considering how badly the company is doing, with the stock price plummeting…
Jo – Well, if we all get burned alive…
Nic – If you want, we can have your company’s logo engraved on your tombstone with the inscription “Died for the financial system.”
Mat – You’re right… If we make it out of this, I swear, I won’t take all this so seriously anymore… After all, you only live once!
Jo – Except for cats, which have nine lives…
Nic glances at their phone to read the text message they just received.
Nic – I just got a text from a colleague who works on the first floor.
Mat – Have the firefighters been alerted?
Nic – It’s just a fire drill.
Mat (making the sign of the cross) – Thank God…
Jo – Yes… We can almost call it a miracle…
Mat – I need to get back right away. My boss will wonder where I’ve gone.
Mat leaves.
Nic – We’re quickly caught up by daily life…
Jo – Yes.
Nic – We should have rebelled as soon as we were in daycare.
Jo – Yes… But we kept our mouths shut.
Nic – Then it continued with school.
Jo – We realized we were already bored full-time, but we thought it would get better once we finished our studies.
Nic – And then we started working and thought it would get better when we retired.
Jo – And that’s when they abolished pensions.
They start to leave.
Nic – By the way, what do you think of the newcomer?
Jo – The newcomer?
Nic – Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed her…
They leave. A character arrives alone.
Ben – It wasn’t a fire drill. It was me. I tried to discreetly smoke a joint in the bathroom. Just like when I was in middle school. But back then, the only smoke detector was the lunch lady… Now, the lunch lady is Big Brother, with sensors everywhere. That’s where we’re at. We still have to hide to smoke. At our age.
He lights up the joint and smokes.
Ben – What a mess… I wasn’t expecting to win the lottery, you know? I don’t play. And besides, winning the lottery… It’s really just a matter of chance. Something you didn’t do anything to earn. Just a little push from fate. Just a bit of luck. Enough to make life a little easier… Not too much, so you can still think: Okay, I got a bit of luck, but I still deserved it. But luck doesn’t exist. There are no miracles. Or maybe I had my chance, and I didn’t seize it. So I smoke. To see life in pink. Piaf also took a lot of things, right? But she managed to turn “La Vie en Rose” into a hit…
Another character arrives.
Ben (offering his joint) – Want some?
Charlie – Thanks, I’ve quit. (Starts vaping) What do you do?
Ben – Oh, various things. But overall, I’d say I’m mostly in a mess. And you?
Charlie – I’m… Well, I was an accountant. My boss just caught me with his secretary in the office restrooms.
Ben – Is it prohibited by your company’s internal regulations to sleep with the boss’s secretary?
Charlie – Only if the boss is already sleeping with his secretary.
Ben – I see. Priority right. So, you’re fired.
Charlie – Without notice. I have to clear out my desk by tonight.
Ben – And what are you going to do?
Charlie – You know what? I think this firing is an opportunity for me.
Ben – Oh, really? So, you’re the positive-thinking type…
Charlie – I would never have had the courage to resign. I’m going to start my own business.
Ben – An accounting firm, then.
Charlie – When you get out of prison, you don’t dream of becoming a guard. No, I’m going to open a restaurant. I don’t know why, but I’ve always wanted to run a restaurant. Even though I don’t know how to cook.
Ben – Oh, I see. Still, it can help when you want to get into the restaurant business…
Charlie – Are you in the restaurant business?
Ben – No, IT.
Charlie – I’m going to need a chef… Do you know how to cook?
Ben – I can make pasta.
Charlie – We could open an Italian restaurant.
Ben – Where are you going to set up this restaurant?
Charlie – In the South… If you’re going to do it… You know the song. If I have to end up in poverty, it’ll be less painful in the sun.
Ben – And, when you open a restaurant, at least you’re sure you’ll never starve.
The other prepares to leave.
Charlie – Alright, I’m going to pack up all my office stuff into a box, just like in American TV shows, and then I’m leaving.
Ben – I’ll come down with you…
Charlie – To the South?
Ben – No, to the elevator, to start with.
They exit.
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Nicotine
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Died for Finance est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.