One character is there, sitting on a chair. A second character arrives, looking older.
One – Good morning… (Standing up) Please, have a seat!
Two – What?
One – Take my seat, please. I’m perfectly fine standing.
Two – Because I give you the impression that I can’t stand?
One – No, no, not at all, it’s just that…
Two – Don’t you think this attitude is a bit insulting after a while?
One – Insulting?
Two – I call it ageism.
One – Ageism?
Two – Exactly! Ageism. Like racism or sexism, but against old people.
One – Oh, really?
Two – It’s condescension, if you prefer. Towards women, towards Black people, towards old people… And unfortunately, it’s not exclusive. Can you imagine the humiliation an elderly Black woman must feel when a young white jerk offers her his seat on the bus out of pure condescension?
One – An elderly Black woman… like Rosa Parks, you mean?
Two – So you look down on old people?
One – Oh no, not at all, I assure you. I adore old people.
Two – You see? “I adore old people!” As if old people were a different race… That’s ageist racism.
One – I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…
Two – It’s like saying to me: “I love Arabs, my cleaning lady is Moroccan.” Or “I love homosexuals, my hairdresser is transgender.”
One – Is that so…?
Two – You too will be old one day, you know… You’ll never be Black, that’s for sure. But you will be old.
One – Of course, I’m perfectly aware…
Two – You wouldn’t think so…
Pause
One – So… you really don’t want to sit down?
Two – That’s right, keep going…
One – It doesn’t bother me, I assure you. On the contrary, it pleases me.
Two – Please stop!
One – You don’t want to sit down?
Two – Well, I…
One – But…?
Two – I’m wary…
One – Wary of me? You shouldn’t be, I assure you! Am I scaring you? But why?
Two – I don’t know, you’re… too polite to be honest.
One – Alright… Well, never mind then, stay standing if you want.
Two – I will, thanks.
Pause
One – On the other hand, it’s obvious that you’re honest.
Two – Oh yeah?
One – Politeness isn’t exactly your strong suit.
Two – Oh yeah? Say that again?
One – Old bag!
Two – Piece of shit.
One – Fat lump.
Two – Illiterate.
One – Woke.
Two – Procrastinator.
One – Procrastinator? Are you sure that’s an insult?
Two – Oh no?
One – Do you know what it means?
Two – No, do you?
One – Me neither.
Pause
Two – I think we got a bit carried away.
One – Yes.
Two – I’ll sit down after all.
One – Oh really? And do you really think I’m going to give you my seat now?
Two – No?
One – You’ll stay standing. Consider it a lesson.
Two – That’s what I thought… No respect for old people…
Fade to black.

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A sketch from the collection Enough is enough!
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L’article Too Polite est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.