The landlord is wiping glasses behind the counter. A couple arrives and sits down. Silence. The landlord approaches.
Landlord – What can I get you?
Her (in a decisive tone) – Nothing for now. We’re waiting for the third…
Landlord – Alright…
The man looks surprised. The landlord walks away.
Him – I didn’t know we were expecting someone…
Her – Neither did I.
Him – What do you mean? Who is it?
Her – I don’t know… The person doesn’t have a name yet…
Him – Are you pulling my leg?
A moment of silence.
Her – What would you say if I tell you I’m pregnant?
He takes a moment to process the question.
Him – First of all, I would say… there’s a problem with verb tense agreement.
Her – Sorry?
Him – Normally, you should say “if I told you I was pregnant” and not “if I tell you I am pregnant.” After a conditional clause in the past tense, we use the past tense.
Her – Ah, I see…
Him – Are you pregnant?
Her – I didn’t say that…
Him – So it’s a conditional statement.
Her – If you say so…
Him – Aren’t you sure?
Her – Do you want to see a tampon?
Him – What tampon?
Her – Guess what? A tampon from the town hall!
Him – You shouldn’t joke about that.
Her – I’m not joking. I just wanted to talk about it. So, what do you think?
Him – Having a child… it always starts as a conditional, right?
Her – It’s up to us to turn this conditional into an indicative.
Him – As long as you don’t conjugate it in the imperative…
Her – You didn’t answer my question…
Him – What?
Her – What would you say if I told you… that I was pregnant?
Him – I don’t know, I would say… great!
Her – Great?
Him – Yeah… But just to be clear, you’re not pregnant…
The landlord returns.
Landlord – Are we still waiting for the third?
She places her hand on her belly.
Her – The third person is already here… We can place our order now…
The man looks at her with surprise.
Landlord – Great.
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Open Hearts
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Heartbeats est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

A girl is sitting on a bench, staring ahead. It becomes clear that she is watching the couple from the previous scene. A boy arrives and sits next to her without saying a word. They remain in silence for a while, looking straight ahead.
Her – Can you imagine us when we’re their age?
Him – No…
Her – She is all dressed up. She even put on makeup…
Him – Oh, yeah…?
Her – He didn’t notice either…
Him – Why does he have an umbrella? There’s not a cloud…
Her – She asked him to take it. At the age of hairstyling, we’re wary of storms… And she knows it serves as his cane. It’s more discreet… It’s his little vanity…
Him – Did you see? Her hair is almost purple…
Her (tenderly) – It’s still beautiful, isn’t it?
Him – What? An old lady with a punk hairstyle?
Her – They must have been married for half a century, and they still hold hands…
Him – You bet! Look, she’s storming off. And she doesn’t look happy… Maybe they’ve been arguing for fifty years…
Her – He probably told her he found it too purple… (Pause) I wonder if it’s going to rain after all… Shall we go?
Him – Uh, yeah…
He gets up to leave.
Her – By the way, why did you want to see me?
Him – Well… I don’t know how to say this, but… I don’t think we’ll grow old together…
Her – I know…
Him – And you, did you want to tell me something?
She stands up as well, revealing that she is pregnant.
Her – You should have brought your umbrella too…
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Lost Times Chronicles
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Future Plans est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.