All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Not even dead
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article The Final Journey est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

A man is in his bed. The woman arrives. She’s dressed in black and carries a scythe.
Woman – So, dear sir? Is it time to depart? I don’t see your little suitcase. Between us, you won’t need it where you’re going, but it seems to provide some comfort…
Man – Is that a real scythe?
Woman – Oh, this? No, of course not… It’s fake. It’s made of plastic. Look!
She takes the blade and bends it.
Man – All right.
Woman – No, of course… A real scythe… Someone might get hurt.
Man – Especially in a hospital.
Woman – The scythe is just a symbol. Like a broom for a witch or a crozier for a bishop. So people recognize us immediately when they see it.
Man – I did recognize you immediately, that’s true.
Woman – It saves us from having to introduce ourselves. Can you imagine the scene…? Hello, I’m Death. I’ve come to cut the little breath you have left after this hospital’s accountant reaped the last of your remaining wheat.
Man – At least you have a sense of humour…
Woman – You won’t be bored with us, that’s for sure. So, are you ready?
Man – My God… As ready as one can be. And what do I have to do, exactly?
Woman – You, nothing. I just have to turn off the light…
Man – Will you accompany me on this final journey?
Woman – No, don’t worry. I’m just the messenger, so to speak. Or the postman, if you prefer. I’m here for the signed and sealed certificate. Afterward…
Man – All right… Can I have one more minute?
Woman – If you’d like to take one last trip to the bathroom before departing, now’s the time. Afterward, you won’t have what’s necessary for it. Trust me, there comes an age when you have inconveniences, not only pleasures.
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Not even dead
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article The Real Reaper est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

The man wakes up in his bed. The woman returns in a white coat.
Woman – Good evening, sir.
Man – Good evening, Doctor.
Woman – This time, I won’t ask if you’re okay. It’s one of those questions that are asked automatically before realizing they shouldn’t be.
Man – Have you seen a notary leaving this room with an invisible ink-signed testament?
Woman – My dear sir, I believe that at the stage we’re at… I mean, the terminal stage you’re at… There’s no need to sugarcoat things, is there?
Man – Should I understand that you still don’t have good news to share with me?
Woman – You still owe us quite a bit of money. I at least owe you the truth. It was, as they say, the operation of last resort. Unfortunately, the operation didn’t work. I’m truly sorry.
Man – I’m not surprised. I’ve never been lucky…
Woman – Don’t have any regrets. In our field, when we talk about the last-ditch operation, we mean an operation with no chance of success.
Man – I understand.
Woman – The whole last-ditch operation thing is just a ploy doctors use to buy time for the family and the patient themselves while they await the inevitable outcome.
Man – Yes, I believe I’ve grasped the general idea…
Woman – How many patients do you know who have survived after a last-ditch operation?
Man – Well, not many, I admit…
Woman – Exactly… And since we can’t believe that all patients are so unlucky…
Man – So, I’m doomed.
Woman – I wouldn’t use such harsh terms, but… yes, dear sir, it’s time to take stock of your life… and settle your accounts with society. Starting with the one that is the majority shareholder in this hospital…
Man – Thank you for your honesty, Dr. Ionesco.
Woman – Unfortunately, I’ll have to ask you to stop calling me Doctor.
Man – Oh, really?
Woman – After reviewing my diplomas and the mortality rate in my surgery department, the hospital administration decided it would be in everyone’s best interest to transfer me to the accounting department.
Man – I understand, but then… what are you doing here exactly ?
Woman – Well… When I mentioned settling accounts, it wasn’t a metaphor. I’ve come for the final bill, dear Sir… You’re leaving us, of course, but you didn’t really think we’d let you go without paying, did you? And it’s not going to be covered by your insurance… Hasn’t anyone advised you to get supplementary coverage?
Man – What if I can’t afford to pay?
Woman – That could seriously jeopardize the salvation of your soul. You see, now… our Recovery Service is extremely efficient.
Man – More efficient than your Surgery Department, at least.
Woman – Let’s say… the Romanians we employ in this hospital are much more efficient in debt recovery than brain surgery… And our shareholders have some very high connections now.
Man – You mean… up there?
Woman – What can we do? The sovereign funds that govern us were already managed by the undead. They started by purchasing nursing homes, hospitals, churches, cemeteries… Quite logically, they eventually acquired shares in heaven and hell.
Man – And then?
Woman – Then it’s your choice… But you should know that debtors are not well-regarded in heaven.
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Not even dead
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Payment in Full est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

A man is in a bed, staring into space. The woman enters, dressed quite formally and holding a briefcase.
Woman – Good morning, sir. I’m sorry, I’m a bit late. A small delay.
Man – Do we know each other?
Woman – I’m sorry; I forgot to introduce myself. We haven’t had the pleasure of meeting before. I’m Mrs. Eugenia Ionesco, your notary.
Man – Eugenia Ionesco?
Woman – Does that name ring a bell?
Man – Let me think… No, definitely, the first thing that comes to mind is that I’m really screwed.
The woman opens her briefcase and takes out some papers.
Woman – By the way, precisely. As agreed, I’ve prepared the documents you requested.
Man – Ah, yes…?
Woman – I’m talking about your will, do you remember?
Man – No.
Woman – Anyway, it’s always a good thing to get your affairs in order. Just in case…
Man – Yes, a priest told me the same thing not too long ago.
Woman – No one lives forever, do they? I, myself, had a little accident on my way here with my car. A reckless driver. It could have been much worse. That’s actually the reason for my delay.
Man – So, that’s why the notary arrives after the priest. That seemed strange to me…
Woman – The time it took to fill out the accident report… That fool wouldn’t admit he was at fault. He happened to be a priest… Shows that a priest can be stubborn too…
Man – A priest who, strangely, also resembled my wife, I suppose.
Woman – But I don’t want to keep you too long. And for me, all this has put me very behind schedule… (She hands him a stack of papers and a pen.) If you’d be so kind as to initial and sign. Of course, you’re not obligated to read everything.
The man hesitates before taking the document and the pen.
Man – Well, I guess I don’t have much of a choice. I feel like I’m signing my own death warrant…
He tries to sign but stops after a few unsuccessful attempts.
Woman – Is there a problem?
Man – Your pen isn’t working.
Woman – Let me see… (She leans over the document.) Oh, no… It’s just that… I forgot to mention. It’s invisible ink.
Man – Invisible ink?
Woman – Lemon juice, if you prefer.
Man – Okay…
Woman – Go ahead, sign. (While he initials and signs) You see, notaries aren’t always welcome in Palliative Care Units.
Man – How strange.
Woman – They even bring in clowns, I’ve heard, in the hopes of alleviating some patients’ suffering by making them laugh themselves to death. Personally, I find clowns to be one of the saddest sights, don’t you?
Man – A notary, perhaps…
Woman – The circus, in general. It’s quite gloomy. I’ve always thought it smells of death. Not to mention funfairs, of course.
Man – You were talking about lemon juice, I believe…
Woman – What can I say? Some people are just more suspicious than others. Certain family members wonder if we might make their parent sign anything on their deathbed to part them from their savings and inheritance.
Man – So, if you happen to bump into one on your way out, you can show them this testament and say, “You see, he didn’t sign anything.”
Woman – Exactly.
Man – And once you’re back in your office, you can pass the document under a candle to caramelize the lemon juice. I used to do that when I was a kid.
Woman – We were all kids, weren’t we?
Man – But only notaries managed to keep their childlike souls…
Woman – I have to get going. I have other dying patients to see before this evening.
Man – Just out of curiosity… what does this testament say, in a nutshell?
Woman – You bequeath all your assets to a foundation whose purpose is to establish contact with extraterrestrial civilizations.
Man – If it can at least help me re-establish contact with my wife.
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Not even dead
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Invisible ink est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

A man slowly regains consciousness in his bed. The woman enters, dressed as a businesswoman, holding a laptop in a briefcase.
Woman – Good morning, dear sir.
Man – Good morning…
Woman – Excuse me for a moment, it won’t take long.
Man – Please, go ahead…
She takes the laptop out of the briefcase, turns it on, and places it on the nightstand so that he can see the screen.
Woman – Do you remember the Wi-Fi password?
Man – I don’t even remember my name.
Woman – No worries, we can skip it. (She clears her throat) Dear sir, I wanted to meet you without delay because I have some good news to share.
Man – A new product, perhaps? A miracle cure? Something that could save my life.
Woman – You’ve said the words right out of my mouth, dear sir. Indeed, the new financial products I have to offer could change your life.
Man – I suppose you’re not a doctor, then.
Woman – I’m your financial advisor. You do hold an account with the Holy Spirit Bank, don’t you?
Man – Yes, perhaps.
Woman – I can assure you that you are one of our top clients.
Man – That’s good to know. Because I’m not even sure I’m a good Catholic…
Woman – Don’t worry; it’s not mandatory for stock trading. And as a privileged client of our bank, I wanted to offer you, as a priority, our new investment opportunities with absolutely exceptional returns.
Man – Oh, I see.
Woman – Look at this graph. (She shows him a chart.) Our new investment fund, the Phoenix Growth Fund, has gained 27% in the last six months.
Man – The Phoenix? Oh yes, that sounds promising. But why that name?
Woman – The year before, unfortunately, the Phoenix had lost 73% of its stock value. It’s a high-risk investment, reserved for the boldest investors, but it always rises from its ashes!
Man – I’m not sure I can say the same.
Woman – Come now, I’m sure I can recognize a fighter in you. The stock market is always a winning investment in the long term.
Man – You know, the long term, for me… I told you I just received the last rites?
Woman – I was getting to that, dear sir. I won’t hide from you that you need to decide quickly. This is an exceptional opportunity. But it won’t be available for everyone. We can only serve our most reactive clients.
Man – I’m not sure I’m very reactive anymore, even to medical treatments. To be honest, I’m starting to wonder if I’m already dead…
She opens her case and takes out a brochure, handing it to him with a sales smile.
Woman – Don’t worry… we also have a range of life and death insurance products.
Man (taking the document) – Thank you…
Woman – I’ll let you think it over, dear sir. We won’t hound you, will we? We’re here to provide you with advice, above all…
Man – Right, I’ll think it over.
Woman – I’ll leave you now; I have other potential investors to see in this facility. By the way, what is this place? Some kind of retirement home?
Man – It’s a Palliative Care Unit.
Woman – I see. So, see you very soon. But think fast, dear sir. In your case, especially, you don’t have any time to waste… and it would be a shame to miss such an opportunity.
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Not even dead
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article The Phoenix est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.