The landlord waits behind his counter. A man, resembling a mobster or a dealer, arrives and takes a seat at the bar.
Landlord – What can I get you?
Him – A decaf. Long. With a drop of milk, please.
The landlord glances at the customer, whose appearance doesn’t quite match his order.
Landlord – I’ll see what I can do…
He prepares the coffee.
Him – This street is dangerous. I almost got run over by a bus.
Landlord – Yes… A woman was hit yesterday…
Him – Is she okay?
Landlord – She’s dead… Well, practically.
Him – Did you know her?
Landlord – She was a customer… She had just left my place, and according to the tests, she had three grams of alcohol in her blood.
Him – In your line of work, as well as mine, it’s better not to get too attached to customers.
Landlord – Are you new to the neighbourhood?
Him – I’m just passing through.
Landlord – We’re all just passing through Earth…
Him – I’m afraid mine might end sooner than expected.
Landlord – If you pay close attention when crossing the road…
Him – I just came out of the hospital. I’m waiting for a heart transplant…
Landlord – Ah, you too…
Him – Sorry?
Landlord – Oh, nothing, just a story I heard… I hope you came across the right surgeon…
The landlord places the coffee on the counter.
Landlord – Here’s your decaf with a hint of milk.
Him – How’s business going?
Landlord – It’s quiet. And you?
Him – Same here… It’s pretty calm at the moment…
Landlord – What line of work are you in?
Him – Drug trafficking. Mostly heroin.
Landlord – Ah, I see… So you know what it’s like to lose a customer.
Him – Fortunately, organ donations are anonymous, because I don’t know who would want to give their heart to a dealer.
Landlord – Or to a tobacconist.
Him – You’re right. In the end, we’re in somewhat the same line of work, both of us…
Landlord – Mmm…
Him – They just received a donor at the hospital.
Landlord – It’s your lucky day, then.
Him – I don’t know… There are two of us in the running.
Landlord – Ah…
Him – Would you give me your heart? If you were dead, I mean… Knowing what I do.
Landlord – Why not? Among dealers, if we don’t support each other a bit…
Him – I promised a suitcase full of cash to my surgeon if he finds me a brand new beating heart. Used bills, in small denominations. Do you think it might help?
Landlord – It depends on the surgeon, I suppose.
Him – This one has a reputation for jumping at anything that moves.
Landlord – I see… Can I pour you another decaf with a splash of milk? It’s on me.
Him – Cheers… You only live once…
Landlord – And if your heart gives out on your way, it won’t be because of what you drank here…
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Open Hearts
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Wholeheartedly est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

The landlord dozes off behind the counter. Two characters (men or women) arrive and sit at a table.
One – He looks like he’s in a deep coma too…
Two – What do we do? Should we wake him up?
One – Let’s wait for him to wake up on his own.
Two – Miracles are always possible.
Silence.
One – And what about her, then? What should we do?
Two – Honestly… I don’t know what to think about it.
One – We’ll have to make a decision. The doctor said we need to act quickly.
Two – Yes.
One – Of course, logically we should say yes.
Two – Logic? She’s our sister, after all…
One – Yes… Have you ever heard her talk about this in front of us?
Two – We hadn’t seen each other for years… and even before that, it wasn’t the kind of conversation we had together.
One – So it’s up to us to decide. As if it were for ourselves.
Two – You mean… as if we needed a transplant?
One – As if we were in her place! In place of the deceased… What would you do? If you could decide to donate your organs or take them with you to your grave…
Two – Obviously, in principle… If we can save a life before dying…
One – On the other hand…
Two – To imagine that they’ll open her chest and take her heart to put it in someone else’s chest…
One – Someone we don’t even know.
Two – Thank goodness… It would be worse if we knew them. Would you prefer to know them?
One – I would prefer her not to be dead.
A moment.
Two – Moreover, can we really say that she’s really dead?
One – According to the doctors, she’s in a state of brain death.
Two – What does that mean exactly? Do you know?
One – Basically, the house is still standing, the heating hasn’t been turned off yet, but there’s no one inside anymore. The owner has left, thrown away the key, and will never come back.
Two – I see.
One – So it’s about retrieving the boiler to install it in another house where the boiler is broken, so that the owner can continue to live there without freezing.
Two – Are you done with your plumber metaphors now?
One – I’m trying to explain…
Two – So, you’re more in favour, right?
One – You are too, aren’t you? You knew we would end up here.
Two – Yes…
The other takes out a piece of paper.
One – Come on, let’s get it over with… (Hands the paper) You need to sign here.
Two – Go ahead, do it for me… I won’t be able to.
One – No, they need both of our signatures.
Two – Just imitate mine.
One – But that would be forgery…
Two – What are you afraid of? That I’ll sue you for imitating my signature?
One – But if you agree, why don’t you sign?
Two – I agree, but I can’t sign, that’s all. Can’t you understand that? (Getting up to leave) For once, I’m asking you for something!
One – But… you hated her, after all.
Two – Exactly… If it were a gesture of love, it would be different… It would be easier for me. But in this case… I don’t feel capable of deciding for her. (The landlord emerges from behind the counter.) Look, he woke up, this one… You see, you’re never safe from a miracle!
The character exits, leaving the other perplexed. The landlord approaches.
Landlord – What can I get you?
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Open Hearts
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article The heart on the sleeve est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

The landlord is reading the newspaper behind the counter. Two men arrive and sit at a table.
One – Coffee? (The other nods.) Jack! Two coffees.
Two – His name is Jack?
One – I don’t know… I call all barmen Jack. That way, I’m sure not to make a mistake.
Two – Okay…
One – He’s one of my patients. I removed his appendix ten years ago, haemorrhoids five years ago, thyroid three years ago, and a lung last year.
Two – Well… He must be grateful. Thanks to you, he lost at least three kilos.
The landlord brings the coffees.
Landlord – Here you go, Doctor…
Two – At least he recognized you.
One – I’m not even sure. He calls all his customers “Doctor.” Since we’re in front of the hospital… At worst, if they’re not doctors, it flatters them. (They stir their coffee in silence before drinking.) So, do we have a donor?
Two – It seems so…
One – A woman who threw herself under a truck, right in front of the hospital.
Two – Threw herself?
One – We’re not entirely sure… It might have been an accident… Her head took the brunt of it. Brain dead. The rest is in perfect condition. We’re waiting for the family’s decision.
Two – I see.
One – Yes, except we have two patients waiting for a transplant…
Two – Oh, you too?
One – You know it very well.
Two – I thought it was a liver for you…
One – It’s a heart.
Two – A heart for two… With two patients who have very similar profiles. It won’t be easy to decide between them.
One – So what do we do? Flip a coin?
Two – I’m game!
The other takes out a coin.
One – Only one of our two patients will be alive in a month. Heads for yours, tails for mine.
He flips the coin, catches it, and looks at his palm before putting it away.
Two – But it doesn’t work like that, we know it well…
One – No. (A pause) How long have we known each other?
Two – Since college…
One – Second year, I believe.
Two – Yes…
One – We were both in love with the same girl.
Two – A first-year student.
One – Who became your wife.
Two – I don’t know what she saw in me… that she didn’t see in you.
One – You spread rumours in college that I had a micro-penis. I think you even circulated a photoshopped montage….
Two – Ah yes, that’s true. I had forgotten about that.
One – I only found out much later.
Two – I didn’t think she would swallow something so big.
One – Are we still talking about my micro-penis?
Two – Do you really think that’s why she chose me?
One – It must have played a part… I was truly in love with her, you know…
Two – A heart for two… There’s inevitably one left by the wayside.
One – That time, it was me.
Two – She left me a few years later. Haven’t you seen her since?
One – I did… Once… I had just gotten divorced as well… We had dinner together… And then nothing…
Two – But she knew about…?
One – I don’t know… I didn’t dare ask her… Can you imagine me slipping in, between coffee and the check, that contrary to what her ex said, I had a normal-sized penis?
Two – Yeah…
One – I think it was too late anyway… I don’t know if revenge is a dish best served cold, but love isn’t a dish that can be reheated.
Two – So you want to get revenge?
One – No, but it seems to me that you owe me a heart.
Two – You have a very personal interpretation of the Hippocratic Oath… What motivates you so much to save your patient?
One – Let’s just say I have a… special connection with him.
Two – But you know it doesn’t work like that either.
One – Oh no?
Two – Are you asking me to condemn my patient in advance?
One – That’s what you said. A heart for two… There’s inevitably one left by the wayside.
Two – It’s not just up to me, you know that. It’s a collective decision.
One – But you could slightly manipulate your patient’s file so that mine appears more convincing.
Two – And if I refuse?
One – I could start a rumour as well. But I’m not sure this one would be false.
Two – Like what?
One – Nurses never stay long in your department, we all know why. And the girl who just got run over in front of the hospital, intentionally or not, she worked for you.
Two – I’ll see what I can do…
He’s about to take out a bill.
One – Leave it, the coffee is on me.
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Open Hearts
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article One Heart for Two est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

The landlord stands behind the counter. The man (or woman) enters, lost in thought.
Landlord – What can I get you?
The other – I don’t know… Whatever you want…
Landlord – Whatever I want? Are you sure?
The other – At this point… What do I have to lose? Surprise me…
Landlord – Alright, I’ll serve you an Oxo. You look pale, it might do you good.
He prepares the Oxo.
The other – An Oxo? Does that still exist?
Landlord – I admit,I don’t sell it very often… and I don’t plan on restocking it.
The other – Assuming they still make it. It hasn’t exceeded the expiration date, has it?
Landlord – You said “whatever you want,” so you have to make up your mind! So, will you take this Oxo or not?
The other – If I can help you get rid of your stock…
The landlord serves the Oxo.
Landlord – You don’t seem to be doing well…
The other – No… I’m looking for a available heart.
Landlord – We’re all in the same boat, you know… Once you reach a certain age… there’s more demand than supply
The other – You couldn’t be more right.
Landlord – Are you a widower?
The other – It’s going to be my wife soon… if I don’t find someone quickly to give me their heart.
Landlord – I’m not sure I follow…
The other – I just got out of the hospital. I’m waiting for a transplant. But for now, there’s no donor.
Landlord – A donor? Ah, yes…
The other – Obviously, you don’t give your heart like you give your blood. The donor has to be deceased, and all the conditions have to be met.
Landlord – I see…
The other – The donor should to be young, so it’s more likely that they died in an accident. The heart has to be in good condition. The family has to agree.
The other prepares to drink.
Landlord – Are you sure you want to drink that?
The other – Well, you have to die of something…
He tastes the Oxo and grimaces.
Landlord – So…?
The other – Oh yes, you need a strong stomach… Have you never had one?
Landlord – I was waiting to see the effect it had on a guinea pig.
The other – If I’m still alive tomorrow morning, I’ll come and tell you.
Landlord – If I had known, I would have served you something else. Now I’m going to worry.
The other – I wonder if it wouldn’t be easier that way. I can already picture my photo in the news: desperate for not finding a compatible heart, he ends his life by swallowing an Oxo expired since… (looking at the label on the empty bottle) 1984!
Landlord – Oh, wow… That’s quite something… Well, it’s a great vintage… Anyway, don’t lose hope. Accidents happen so easily.
The other – Accidents?
Landlord – For your donor! The street across is very dangerous. With all those trucks. There’s a plan for a roundabout, but… Almost every month, a pedestrian gets hit on the crosswalk. And since the hospital is right across…
The other – Thanks… Talking with you has cheered me up…
Landlord – That’s life… what goes around comes around…. One person’s misfortune…
The other – I don’t think I’ll finish this Oxo after all. How much do I owe you?
Landlord – It’s on me. Do you want something else? To get rid of the taste of the Oxo. A Bloody Mary? It’s very invigorating too. Or maybe a Fernet-Branca?
The other – That sounds tempting, but… no, thanks, I’m good.
Landlord – Well then, until next time…
The other – Who knows?
He stands up to leave.
Landlord – Be careful crossing the road.
The other – Thanks for the Oxo.
He exits. The landlord picks up the cup and sniffs the steam coming out. He wrinkles his nose with a disgusted look.
Landlord – Oh, wow…
A screeching of brakes followed by a crash of crumpling metal is heard. He raises his head and glances toward the audience, representing the café window facing the street.
Landlord – Oh, yes, quite something…
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Open Hearts
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Heartache est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

The landlord waits behind the counter, idle. A man and a woman enter.
Her – Hi, Jack.
The landlord nods in response. They sit at a table. The landlord comes over to take their order.
Landlord – What can I get you?
Her – The usual.
Landlord – And for you?
Him – The same.
Landlord – Same as the lady or the same as your usual?
Him – Sorry?
Landlord – I don’t know what you usually have!
Him – Yet I come here every morning, like she does.
Landlord – That’s how it is. There are faces I remember, and others I prefer to forget…
Him – Let’s say the same as her, then.
Landlord – And two coffees…
The landlord walks away.
Him – Always so friendly…
Her – You have to take him as he is.
Him – What an idiot.
Her – Do you know his name, this idiot?
Him – No.
Her – Jack.
Him – You seem very familiar… with this idiot Jack.
Her – I come every day for a coffee before work…
Him – Me too… But he acts like he doesn’t know me.
Her – Are you jealous?
Him – Maybe he’s the jealous one… Do you know him that well?
Her – We’ve never really talked.
Him – How do you know his name is Jack?
Her – I don’t know… Everyone knows… Anyway, everyone calls him Jack, and he’s never complained.
A moment passes.
Him – How are you?
Her – Fine.
Him – What do you feel like doing?
Her – I don’t know…
Him – It’s a nice day… Let’s not lock ourselves in a movie theatre. Shall we take a stroll?
Her – Whatever you want.
Him – Try to contain your excitement… Is something bothering you?
Her – No… Not particularly.
Him – I don’t know… Something you want to talk to me about.
A moment passes.
Her – Okay… If something happens to me someday, I want to donate my organs.
He looks taken aback.
Him – To whom?
Her – I don’t know! To someone who needs them.
Him – Needs…?
Her – Are you doing this on purpose or what? A transplantation!
Him – Oh yes… Okay…
Her – I have my donor card with me, but just in case…
Him – Alright.
Her – I need to tell someone. Because when you’re no longer able to speak…
Him – Okay.
Her – And if I’m brain dead, I definitely don’t want to be kept alive artificially.
Him – No problem… But you know, we’re not even married yet. I’m not even sure I’d have a say. It would probably be up to your parents to make the decision.
Her – They’re dead.
Him – Oh right, I forgot… Then your siblings.
Her – I’m not on good terms with my entire family.
Him – Well… We’ll just have to get married then. So that I can have control over all your organs.
Her – Is this a marriage proposal? Because it would probably be the most original marriage proposal in history.
Him – Will you marry me?
Her – Yes… (A moment) And you?
Him – Well yes, since I just asked for your hand… Well, your hand, your heart, your lungs, your liver, and everything else…
Her – No, I mean, and you, if something happens to you. Now that I’ll have access to all your organs too.
Him – Oh yes… That’s peak romance…
Her – So?
Him – I don’t know… I haven’t really thought about it… I already don’t donate my blood… except to a few mosquitoes.
Her – You’re wrong.
Him – If, by dying, I could pass on my heart to save your life, I would probably do it. But giving my heart to a stranger… It’s true, you can always end up with an idiot. Idiots can have heart problems too. Maybe not as much as others, but they do…
The landlord arrives.
Landlord – And two coffees… (Addressing the man) Can I take the payment now?
The man takes out a few coins and places them on the table. The landlord takes them and leaves without a word.
Him – Imagine if I die and that idiot needs a transplant. Honestly, I’d be pissed off to give him my heart.
Her – It’s a risk to take.
Him – Well… If it makes you happy, I’ll get my card too…
Her – Yes, it does make me happy. And now, I feel like going for a walk in the forest with you.
Him – In the forest?
She stands up.
Her – Shall we go?
Him – Can I finish my coffee first?
Her – Alright, but hurry up.
He drinks his coffee.
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Open Hearts
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Gift of the heart est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.