Two chairs and a table with a carafe and a glass. One character enters wearing a face mask. Another arrives, also wearing a mask. After a moment’s hesitation, the second character addresses the first with a conspiratorial look.
One – Fools, they dare anything…
Two – That’s how you recognise them.
One – What a stupid password.
Two – Indeed.
One – Right. As I said, payment is upfront.
The other hands him an envelope.
Two – Here you go.
One – What’s the name of the target?
Two – John Smith.
One – Well, that’s odd.
Two – What is?
One – Oh, nothing… Actually, no, I probably shouldn’t say this because you’re not supposed to know my name, but… It’s a namesake.
Two – A namesake?
One – My name’s John Smith too. I mean, it’s a pretty common name…
Two – It’s not a namesake.
One – I’m telling you, my name’s John Smith too.
Two – Yes. And you’re the one to be eliminated.
One – Me?
Two – Yes, you.
One – You’re hiring me to kill myself?
Two – Precisely.
One – But why?
Two – A contract is a contract, isn’t it? And I’ve paid you…
One – Right.
Two – Here, I even brought the poison.
He hands him a packet.
One – What’s this?
Two – Ant poison.
One – Right.
Two – I can count on you, can’t I?
One – Of course…
He walks off. The other pauses, bewildered. He sits down, thinks for a moment, then pours the packet’s contents into a glass, adds water, stirs, and prepares to drink. The other character returns, laughing, mask off.
One – April Fool!
The one sitting snaps out of his stupor and recognises him.
Two – You’re such an idiot, Bob.
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Killer Sketches
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article April Fool’s Day est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

A table and two chairs. One character enters stage left, on high alert. Another character enters stage right, also wary. They’re both wearing face masks.
One – You’re Mr Martin, right?
Two – Err… Yes.
The first character draws a gun.
One – I’m a hitman, and I’ve been hired to eliminate you. Sorry…
The other character also draws a gun.
Two – Battle. I’m a hitman too, and I’ve got a contract on your head.
The first character, surprised, takes off his mask.
One – Mike?
Two (also taking off his mask) – Jim?
One – I thought I recognised your voice.
They lower their weapons and exchange a friendly kiss on the cheek.
Two – So, how’s it going?
One – Not bad. I moved down South. But I still take the odd job in the capital.
Two – Right… That explains why we haven’t seen you much around here. Business good in the South?
One – Yes, there’s plenty of work. But a lot of amateurs too. People tend to handle things with family or friends. It’s rare they call in a true professional.
Two – And half the time, they end up in prison.
One – Exactly… And you?
Two – Not bad. It’s a bit slow at the moment, but…
One – People are relying on this epidemic to do the job for them, free of charge.
Two – It’s true, the retirement home and life annuity market is practically dead.
One – Indeed… It’s a crisis for our profession as well.
Two – And we don’t get any help from the government.
One – Anyway, all well and good, but what do we do now?
Two – If we start shooting each other, where will it end?
One – True, but a contract is a contract.
Two – You’re right.
They each raise their guns, pointing them at each other.
One – Nice seeing you one last time, mate.
Two – You too…
They pull the trigger at the same time, and we hear two muffled gunshots. They collapse together.
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Killer Sketches
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Duel est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.