One – Promise me you won’t panic…
Two – What?
One – They just announced it on Facebook. Chinese scientists have finally discovered the ultimate secret of the universe.
Two – The ultimate secret of the universe?
One – You know! Where we come from, where we’re going, why there’s something rather than nothing…
Two – What?
One – The Big Bang, black holes, antimatter…!
Two – And?
One – Well, it turns out, none of that actually exists.
Two – Oh, really…
One – We are fictional characters in a gigantic video game, created by an artificial intelligence to entertain the children of a highly advanced civilisation.
Two – Chinese scientists…?
One – Yes, Chinese.
Two – On Facebook?
One – What difference does it make?
Two – None.
One – And that’s all it does to you?
Two – What?
One – This! Finding out we’re fictional characters in a video game. You don’t seem that surprised.
Two – I always suspected it.
One – You always suspected it?
Two – Yeah, I knew… Didn’t you?
One – No… And if you knew, why didn’t you tell me?
Two – I thought you knew.
One – Well, no, I didn’t.
Two – Well, now you know. So, what’s for dinner?
One – What’s for dinner?
Two – I’m starving. Aren’t you?
One – Doesn’t seem to kill your appetite, anyway.
Two – So? What are we eating?
One – After all that, I don’t feel like cooking. I’ll order Chinese.
Two – Fine…
One – But if we’re fictional characters, how can we even be hungry?
Two – Games are super realistic these days. Characters feel all kinds of stuff.
One – You think so?
Two – Look at prehistoric humans. A few tens of thousands of years ago, it was pretty basic. You were hungry, you killed a mammoth and ate it raw. You wanted company for dinner, you knocked a woman out and dragged her back to your cave by the hair. Now…
One – You get married, call Uber Eats, and order Chinese.
Two – We get updated regularly. As technology evolves, so does the game.
One – I never suspected any of this.
Two – Yet it’s pretty obvious.
One – Yeah…
Two – And how did the Chinese figure it out?
One – They noticed a glitch in the game.
Two – A glitch? What kind of glitch?
One – This one. At some point in the game, the characters realise they’re characters in a video game.
Two – Right. So I’m not the first one to figure it out.
One – No.
Two – And are they going to fix the glitch?
One – We don’t know…
Two – Now… is it really a glitch?
One – What do you mean?
Two – Maybe it’s part of the game.
One – I see… The characters themselves gain a kind of self-awareness and realise they were created by a higher power.
Two – Exactly…
One – And what about God in all this?
Two – Einstein said God does not play dice. He never said He doesn’t play video games.
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Don’t panic!
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article The Secret of the Universe est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.