A character is sitting at a table. Another character arrives, wearing dark sunglasses, and addresses him.
One – “The long sobs of the violins of autumn…”
Two – “… soothe my heart with a monotonous languor.”
One – That’ll do. But it’s not “soothe”; it’s “wound.”
Two – Pardon?
One – “Wound my heart with a monotonous languor.”
Two – Oh, right…
One – Take a seat.
The other sits down.
Two – It’s a bit daft as a password, if you ask me.
One – And why’s that?
Two – Everyone knows the second line.
One – Not you, apparently…
Two – Sorry, I didn’t realise hitmen were so particular about Baudelaire’s poetry.
One – It’s Verlaine.
Two – Right…
One – I’m listening.
Two – I want someone… removed.
One – Yes, that’s usually why I get called… What’s this person’s name?
Two – Bella.
One – Bella?
Two – She’s a dog.
One – Look, that’s none of my business. But I’d prefer we avoid sexist remarks. I can’t stand them.
Two – No, I mean… she’s really a dog.
One – A dog? You mean an animal?
Two – Yes. A dog. A female one.
The other character stands, ready to leave.
One – Sorry, but we do have a certain code in our profession. We never harm animals.
Two – Wait… I’ll pay double.
Intrigued, the other character sits back down.
One – Why do you want this poor creature dead?
Two – If you knew her, you wouldn’t say “poor creature,” believe me.
One – Tell me about it…
Two – She was my wife’s dog.
One – Was?
Two – My wife’s dead.
One – The dog?
Two – My wife!
One – Sorry.
Two – No need to apologise… I’m the one who killed her.
One – And… why, if I may ask?
Two – Actually… it was more of an accident.
One – An involuntary manslaughter, then?
Two – Let’s just say… an unconscious slip.
One – I see.
Two – The three of us were out walking along a cliff…
One – The three of you?
Two – With Bella.
One – Ah, yes…
Two – I gave her a slight accidental nudge, she slipped, and fell to the bottom.
One – And the police didn’t question you?
Two – Not the police, no. But Bella saw everything. And since then…
One – What?
Two – She stares at me.
One – She stares at you?
Two – With an accusing look.
One – I see.
Two – You know that Bible story. “The eye was in the grave and watched Cain.”
One – That rings a vague bell. Although in my line of work, you know, the Bible isn’t exactly my bedtime reading.
Two – Well, Bella is my Cain. All day long, she fixes me with her gaze. It’s become unbearable.
One – I understand.
Two – I’m not sure you do. If this keeps up, I might do something drastic.
One – You could take care of it yourself. You did kill your wife.
Two – Yes, but I’m scared.
One – Scared?
Two – There’s something supernatural about it, I swear. She’s not just a dog. She’s…
One – What?
Two – That look… Bella’s eyes… It’s my wife’s stare.
A pause.
One – You’ve managed to give me the creeps too. And in my job, I’ve seen it all, believe me…
Two – Please, get rid of Bella for me, I’m begging you.
One – I’m really sorry, but… I don’t do reincarnations.
Two – But what am I going to do?
One – I don’t know… Become a dog?
He stands and leaves. The other character sits quietly for a moment.
Two – A dog… Woof… Woof, woof…
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Killer Sketches
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Bella est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

Two characters sit at a table, looking sombre. Silence.
One – So, that’s another one gone.
Two – He’ll be missed.
One – It’s always the best ones who go first.
Two – Yes… (Pause) Although, in his case, I’m not sure we can really say he was one of the best…
One – True, but… a colleague is a colleague. We’re in such a tough line of work.
Two – And so underappreciated.
One – And yet, he was an endearing chap, all the same.
Two – Yes.
One – I didn’t quite get it. How exactly did he die?
Two – Work-related accident.
One – An accident?
Two – He accidentally swallowed the poison meant for one of his targets.
One – Oh no… What kind of poison?
Two – You won’t believe it, but from what I heard… it was ant poison.
One – Ants?
Two – Yep…
Pause.
One – No, he definitely wasn’t the best.
Two – You could even say he tarnished the professional image we’d like our trade to have.
One – Yes, it was time for him to stop.
Two – How many times did I tell him to switch professions? It was obvious he wasn’t cut out for this.
One – You’ve no idea the kind of blunders he pulled.
Two – I heard once, when he was supposed to kill a woman’s husband, he ended up poisoning her lover instead.
One – How did that turn out?
Two – Well, they accused the cuckolded husband of killing his rival, and he ended up in prison.
One – In a way, he still managed to get rid of her husband for her.
Two – Yes… but her lover was dead too.
One – That man was a disgrace to our profession.
Two – Really, there should be some kind of training.
One – With a diploma.
Two – And a Guild Council, to exclude the black sheep.
One – Well, at least he won’t harm anyone else.
Two – No.
Pause.
One – He was kind, though.
Two – Kind but dim.
One – Yes…
They finish their drinks.
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Killer Sketches
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Eulogy est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.