Too Fast

Jean-Pierre Martinez — Wed, 04 Jun 2025 16:03:01 +0000

A sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez

One character is there. A second one arrives.
One – Hello. Can I kiss you?
Two – It’s nice of you to ask first, but… isn’t that a bit fast?
One – I don’t know.
Two – You might find me old-fashioned, but for me, it’s a bit too quick.
One – Sorry. You’re probably right.
Two – After all, we don’t know each other.
One – True.
Two – To start a conversation, you have to admit it’s quite direct.
One – Of course… But then… what could I have said?
Two – I don’t know, you could have… asked me for a lighter, for example.
One – That’s a bit old-fashioned, isn’t it?
Two – Yes… Plus, I don’t have a lighter.
One – And I don’t smoke.
Two – Well, that’s a plus point for you.
One – Oh really?
Two – Don’t get too carried away though.
One – Sorry…
Two – It’s true that you’re very handsome, but… exactly.
One – Exactly what?
Two – You know what they say…
One – No…
Two – Too good to be true.
One – You flatter me, but… too handsome… Let’s not exaggerate.
Two – And there’s also another saying.
One – What?
Two – Jack of all trades, master of none.
One – That’s true, I forgot they say that too.
Two – No, really, it would be a bit hasty. But we can kiss on the cheek, if you want…
One – You’re right, it’s better to start slowly.
They kiss on the cheek.
Two – Was that okay, not too…?
One – No, no, it was just right.
Two – We could have just shaken hands, but…
One – That might not have been enough…
Two – Maybe next time.
One – Yes…
Two – It’s always been my rule anyway. Never on the first night.
One – Of course… But then, there’s always a first time.
Two – That’s true…
One – No, because never on the first night… I didn’t mean to ask you to…
Two – Clearly.
One – Well, it’s up to you.
Two – So, do you think I was too…
One – Honestly, I’m not sure anymore.
Two – It’s true, you need to find a middle ground.
One – You’re right, I was a bit too direct.
Two – On the other hand, you did say hello first.
One – Sorry?
Two – You said, “Hello. Can I kiss you?” So, technically, you did start with hello. First.
One – That’s true.
Two – It’s still quite direct but… polite, nonetheless.
One – Yes.
Two – Now… it’s true that you’re very handsome.
One – Too good to be true…
Two – And what about me?
One – You?
Two – Am I not a bit too… to be true, I mean.
One – No, you’re fine. You’re… quite believably handsome.
Two – I’m not sure how to take that…
One – Sorry, I didn’t mean…
Two – Let’s stick to the cheek kiss after all.
One – Okay.
Two – Until next time, perhaps.
The second character leaves.
One – I think I might have done too much… Or maybe not enough?
Fade to black.

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A sketch from the collection Enough is enough!
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L’article Too Fast est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

Too Early

Jean-Pierre Martinez — Wed, 04 Jun 2025 15:31:05 +0000

A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez

A character enters. They hesitate for a moment before addressing the audience.
One – I’m not too late, am I? (Pauses) No, otherwise I imagine you’d have already left… (He looks around the stage, a bit worried) Or maybe I’m a bit early… (Pauses) No, otherwise you wouldn’t already be here… (Pauses) Have you been here long?
Another character enters, also a bit anxious.
Two – I’m not late, am I?
One – Pardon?
Two – No, since you’re already here…
One – Ah, yes… No, no… You’re just on time. At least, I think so…
Two – Have you been waiting for me long?
One – No… (Pauses) In fact, to be honest… I wasn’t waiting for you.
Two – Oh, weren’t you?
One – At least, not so soon… And you?
Two – Me?
One – Were you expecting to find me here?
Two – Well… I thought you wouldn’t be here anymore.
One – I was just about to leave, actually.
Two – For a moment… We might have missed each other…
One – Well, here we are, both of us, that’s the main thing…
Two – Yes, it’s starting to feel like an appointment, isn’t it?
One – An appointment?
Two – Being in the same place at the same time. That’s what you call an appointment, isn’t it?
One – Yes.
Two – If it’s planned in advance, anyway.
One – And if everyone is consenting…
Two – I don’t know why, but an appointment… It makes me think of a space rendezvous.
One – Oh, really…?
Two – Meeting at exactly the same time, in the same place, in the infinite space-time of the universe.
One – A rendezvous… between two spacecraft, you mean?
Two – Two craft that will gently dock with each other. At phenomenal speed, even though it looks like they’re stationary because they’re moving at exactly the same pace. A manoeuvre of extreme delicacy, where the slightest error could be fatal…
One – Two craft that will dock with each other…?
Two – It’s a metaphor…
One – As I said earlier… If everyone is consenting…
Two – Of course…
One – But it could also just be a simple meeting.
Two – A meeting? You mean…
One – A chance encounter.
Two – Chance?
One – A coincidence.
Two – Yes… Well… You know what they say…
One – No.
Two – There’s no such thing as chance, only appointments.
One – There are also missed appointments.
Two – In that case, this one is quite successful. Since we’re both here.
One – And the audience too.
Two – That’s true.
One – It’s the magic of theatre.
Two – So, since everyone is here.
One – At the same time.
Two – Just at the right moment.
One – Neither too early nor too late.
Two – And we’ve nothing better to do.
Together – Let the show begin…
Blackout.