Two characters are leafing through a stack of electoral manifestos.
One – How many are there exactly?
Two – Twenty-three.
One – That’s crazy. Every election, there are always more candidates.
Two – Must be inflation.
One – Yeah. And candidates are like banknotes, the more there are in circulation, the less they’re worth.
Pause.
Two – Who are you thinking of voting for?
One – I don’t know… I quite like this one…
Two – Which one?
One – The one with the nice tie, always well-groomed.
Two – Oh, yeah…
One – Look at this one. He could have shaved at least!
Two – And what do you think of this one? I think he presents himself well too.
One – Yeah… Maybe a bit too much, though.
Two – Too much?
One – I don’t know, he’s a bit too… Could he be…
Two – No… You think so?
One – Or maybe this one.
Two – Which one?
One – This one!
Two – Looks like Lieutenant Columbo.
One – True… But I like Lieutenant Columbo.
Two – I heard him on TV last time, swearing like a trooper!
One – Yeah.
Two – No, this one’s always well-mannered.
One – Yes, but you know what they say.
Two – What?
One – Too polite to be honest.
Two – Then again… Rude people aren’t always honest either.
One – Can’t argue with that.
Two – When you’re representing the country, though… Especially abroad.
One – Yeah.
Two – Back in our day, when they still wore uniforms, it had more panache.
One – True… Although General De Gaulle… His uniforms weren’t always well-tailored, were they?
Two – He was very tall.
One – Some people wear their suits too big, he was a bit too big for his suit.
Two – True, Marshal Petain wore the uniform better.
One – Because he was shorter.
Two – Well, all this doesn’t help us decide who to vote for
One – That one looks completely stupid.
Two – He’s the incumbent candidate.
One – Oh, really?
Two – We voted for him last time.
One – No? I didn’t realise he was so ugly.
Two – And what about this one?
One – Too centrist.
Two – How can someone be too centrist? Centre is centre, isn’t it?
One – I’m not saying too centrist compared to the centre, I’m saying too centrist compared to me!
Two – You want him to lean more left?
One – I don’t know. Or maybe more right. Because the centre…
Two – Yeah, it lacks a bit of…
One – It’s true, he seems a bit wishy-washy.
Two – Hey, we’ve never tried this one.
One – Yeah… Well, I’ve never tried sodomy either.
Two – What?
One – Oh, nothing, I was just saying… Yeah, why not this one…
Fade to black.

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