The postman slips letters into each mailbox. A tenant arrives.
Tenant – Can’t you read?
Postman – Of course! And you?
Tenant – No Junk Mail, it says there on my box!
Postman – Ah, but this isn’t junk mail! I am your new postman.
Tenant – Oh, really? And what’s this then?
Postman – It’s an initiative we’ve just launched at Post Office. You know, now with the internet, we have to diversify our tasks…
Tenant – So what?
Postman – For those who no longer receive letters, we’ve decided to distribute royalty-free letters.
Tenant – Royalty-free?
The postman shows what he has in his bag.
Postman – ‘Letters from My Windmill,’ ‘Persian Letters,’ ‘Letters from Madame de Sévigné’…
Tenant – Why?
Postman – To re-enchant the world! And re-enchant The Post Office! Traditional mail has disappeared, fine. It saves paper. And so, it avoids cutting down trees. But people don’t read anymore! And that’s terrible, isn’t it?
Tenant – Yes, of course.
Postman – Literature is the memory of the world! Wanting to save the forests is perfect. But we must also preserve what constitutes our true wealth! Our cultural heritage – books! Do you know how many letters there are in our alphabet?
Tenant – Approximately 26, right?
Postman – Can you imagine?
Tenant – What?
Postman – With just 26 letters, by combining them, man can express everything.
Tenant – Yes…
Postman – And yet, when I say 26… Do you know which language in the world has the fewest letters?
Tenant – Well, no…
Postman – Rotokas. A language spoken in the Solomon Islands. Its alphabet has only 12 characters.
Tenant – Really?
Postman – A dozen letters to express all of humanity’s thoughts.
Tenant – Yes, that’s… Do you have mail for me?
Postman – Ten numbers to understand the mechanics of the universe.
Tenant – Can I have my mail?
Postman – And seven notes to compose all the music in the world.
Tenant – So, no mail…
Postman – And what will remain of all this in a few billion years? When the sun, in its grand finale, has reduced us all to ashes?
Tenant – I don’t know…
Postman – A few hieroglyphs engraved on stones that haven’t melted yet. Some concise remarks like in the early days of writing. Truly, I tell you – the first stammerings of humanity will also be its final breath.
Tenant – Yes…
Postman – When The Post Office is gone, the epitaphs of our ancestors will survive us for a moment. Like a delivery notice. But remember one thing. (With emphasis) Only the memory of the music of the spheres will survive us forever.
Tenant – I didn’t understand anything…
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Open Letters
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Delivery Notice est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

She is sitting, reading. He approaches very hesitantly.
Him – Um… Excuse me for bothering you, but…
Her – Yes?
Him – I was wondering if… you’d be willing to… tell me the time, please.
Her – Sorry, but my watch has stopped.
Him – Oh…
Her – Probably the battery.
Him – That’s inconvenient…
Her – Yes.
Him – Well, then, I won’t bother you any longer.
Her – Mmm…
He’s about to leave but reconsiders.
Him – Could you maybe still tell me what time it was when your watch stopped?
Her – Um, yes, why not…
Him – That would give me an idea…
Her – An idea?
Him – An idea… of the current time.
Her – Oh, yes…
Him – For example, I don’t know… If your watch stopped at three twenty-eight, I would already know that it’s past three twenty-eight now…
Her (checking) – My watch stopped at half-past three…
Him – Thank you very much; that already gives me an indication… I now know with certainty that it’s past three thirty…
Her – Yes…
Him – Once again, sorry for bothering you…
Her – No problem.
He’s about to leave but reconsiders again.
Him – Are you sure your watch is really stopped?
Her – Oh, yes, it is…
Him – Excuse me, but… How can you be absolutely certain?
Her – I don’t know, I…
Him – Sometimes, it happens that we have the impression time is not passing very quickly… or not at all… temporarily, at least…
Her – That’s true, but…
Him – When you’re bored, for example…
Her – Um, yes…
Him – You look at your watch, and you feel like it stopped, but in reality…
Her – Mmm…
Him – Were you… very bored while waiting?
Her – Waiting for what?
Him – I don’t know, I… I wouldn’t presume to ask what you’re waiting for… or who.
Her – Not particularly… I have my book…
Him – Then I’m sorry for you, but in that case, I’m afraid your watch is truly broken…
Her – Yes… It’s been a good half-hour since it showed half-past three… I believe there’s no doubt about that…
Him – Wait… Half an hour, you say?
Her – Approximately, yes…
Him – How do you know?
Her – Well… I’ve had time to read three chapters of my book…
Him – In that case, if your watch stopped at three thirty half an hour ago, it means it’s approximately four o’clock now.
Her – Yes, probably close to that…
Him – And do you know from experience that it takes you exactly ten minutes to read a chapter?
Her – Not exactly… It depends on the length of the chapters…
Him – Ah… And given the thickness of your book, I suppose those must be considerably longer than average…
Her – Yes, perhaps…
Him – Mmm… So it could very well be a little past four.
Her – Oh, certainly not!
Him – No? What makes you say that?
Her – Well… I have an appointment with someone, actually…
Him – Ah…
Her – At exactly four o’clock…
Him – I see… But… your appointment could be running late.
Her – Oh, I don’t think so.
Him – And why is that?
Her – It’s a first meeting… A man never arrives late for a first meeting, right? Generally…
Him – Generally, a woman doesn’t arrive early for a meeting either. Especially the first one…
Her – Oh, really? And why is that?
Him – To not look completely desperate, I suppose…
Her – Yes, of course…
Him – Well, you told me you’ve been here for a good half-hour, right?
Her – Yes…
Him – You see, in this case, one can’t rely on generalities…
Her – That’s true… And why do you need to know the time so badly yourself?
Him – I have an appointment at four o’clock too. And since I’m someone who’s very punctual…
Her – When you’re very punctual, it’s better to have a watch, isn’t it?
Him – Ah, but I have one!
Her – And it’s broken too…
Him – No! Well, I don’t think so…
Her – Then why were you asking me for the time?
Him – But… to check that my watch wasn’t stopped, precisely. Like yours.
Her – So, can you tell me what time it is?
Him – Absolutely… It’s exactly six minutes past four… You can trust me; it’s a Swiss watch…
Her – Thank you…
Him – I’ve had it for years… My godfather gave it to me for my first communion… He’s been dead from a heart attack, but the watch… Not a single breakdown since I got it!
Her – And what about when the batteries run out?
Him – There are no batteries! I wind it up every day at eight o’clock sharp!
Her – Well, um… Thanks for telling me the time…
She gets up.
Him – Are you leaving already?
Her – You said it’s six minutes past four. I wouldn’t want to seem like I’m waiting. We had a meeting at four o’clock…
Him – I understand… So, goodbye… And… sorry again for bothering you…
She leaves. He remains alone.
Him – I’ll wait another five minutes… Let’s say… until eleven past four… But I don’t like women who are late either… Especially for a first meeting…
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Lost Times Chronicles
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Current time est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.