A sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
She’s reading a women’s magazine. He’s clearly bored. He hesitates, then picks up a copy of Sports Illustrated. She notices and looks surprised.
Her – You’re reading Sports Illustrated now?
Him (caught off guard) – Why wouldn’t I read Sports Illustrated?
Her (incredulous) – And… you’re actually going to read it?
Him – I’m just flipping through it… To see.
Her – To see what?
Him – I don’t know. All the guys read it on the train. I was curious what was so fascinating about it.
Her – And did you find out?
Him – No…
She looks rather dismayed.
Her – Are you into sports now?
Him – Not really…
Her – Then it’s no surprise you don’t see the point of reading Sports Illustrated.
He puts the magazine down.
Him – Well… being into sports is one thing. But waking up every morning with an irrepressible urge to know whether Luton beat Bratislava 3–1 or if it ended in a draw . That’s something else. I don’t even know where Bratislava is…
Her – It’s the capital of Slovakia, isn’t it…?
Him – Are you sure?
Her – Or maybe Slovenia…
Him – Slovenia? Do you really think they can afford a football team? It’s tiny…
Her – Well, the Vatican’s even smaller. And they’ve got plenty of money.
Him – Don’t tell me the Vatican has a football team too…?
He goes back to Sports Illustrated. She now looks seriously worried.
Her – But why are you suddenly so obsessed with understanding why men read Sports Illustrated?
Him – Maybe I need to feel reassured about my masculinity…
Her – Well, that didn’t work!
Him – Thanks.
Her (trying to comfort him) – Look, you can still be a man without reading Sports Illustrated!
Him – You think so…?
She thinks for a moment.
Her – I could get you a subscription to Car & Driver, if you like?
He looks at her, unsure if she’s mocking him. She goes back to reading Elle.
Him – And you?
Her – What about me?
Him – What do you get out of reading Elle?
She looks at him.
Her – You read it too.
Him – Yeah, well… Just for a laugh.
Her – I don’t read Sports Illustrated. Not even for a laugh.
Him (troubled) – So you think I’m effeminate, is that it?
Her – No… It’s just that almost every man ends up reading his wife’s women’s magazines. Everyone knows that. Why do you think there are car ads in Elle?
Him (thoughtful) – There aren’t many ads for washing machines in Sports Illustrated.
Her – And yet football is a very dirty sport… Just look at the number of footballers in washing powder commercials.
She goes back to her reading. He still looks preoccupied. She notices.
Her – Something still bothering you?
Him – I was just thinking about the difference between men and women…
Her – Yes…?
Him – Take clothes, for example. Trousers aren’t exclusive to men anymore, but skirts are still reserved for women.
She looks at him, sceptical.
Him – Same with colours. You can wear grey, pink, whatever. We only get grey. Or brown… (Pause) You say we don’t like shopping, but have you ever seen a men’s shoe shop? It’s so depressing.
She now looks genuinely worried.
Her – Are you saying you want to wear a pink miniskirt and stilettos?
Him – No! I’m just making an observation. You’ve taken the best of our masculine identity, and we’ve got nothing in return. (He reopens Sports Illustrated, frustrated.) Good thing we’ve still got Sports Illustrated.
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Him and Her
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