A sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
A man and a woman sit at a table facing the audience, each with a stack of books, like at a signing event. The man’s book is titled Memoirs of a Hitman, and the woman’s is titled Memoirs of a Call Girl.
Him – You could’ve at least come up with a different title…
Her – Why me?
Him – Because I actually was a hitman!
Her – How do you know I wasn’t a call girl too…?
Him – Right.
Her – And how do I know you really were a hitman?
Him – Either way, I was the one who thought of writing my memoirs first.
Her – We’ll see whose book sells better.
A pause.
Him – Not many people here so far.
Silence.
Her – Have you even read it?
Him – Read what?
Her – My book!
Him – No. I’m not about to buy it, am I?
A pause.
Her – Here, I’ll give you a copy.
Him – Some gift. It’s not selling anyway.
Her – Fine, I’ll even sign it for you.
She writes a few words on the title page and signs it. He takes the book and reads the dedication.
Him – That’s sweet…
Her – It’s what I think. And you?
Him – What about me?
Her – Aren’t you going to sign yours for me?
He takes a book from his stack and writes a dedication. He hands her the book, and she opens it.
Her – That’s sweet too…
Him – I didn’t mean it… (She scowls.) Oh, come on, don’t be silly!
They each start reading the other’s book.
Her – Funny. After all these years together, I feel like we haven’t lived the same life.
Him – Yes, I feel exactly the same…
Her – Yours sounds thrilling.
Him – Less so than yours.
Her – So, we’ve lived an exciting life together… just not the same one.
Him – At least we’ll have something to talk about till the end of our days.
Her – Yes…
Music.
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Killer Sketches
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net