A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
A homeless person arrives. He spots a coin on the ground and picks it up.
One – Two euros… It’s my lucky day.
A second homeless person arrives.
Two – Hey…
One – Hey… I’ve never seen you on this street before.
Two – Yeah, I’m new. What’s it to you?
One – Just surprised, that’s all.
Two – The street belongs to everyone, right?
One – The street, maybe… But the sidewalk…
Two – And you? How long have you been squatting on this sidewalk?
One – Yeah. This is my place.
Two – You’re a homebody, huh?
One – I have my routines, yeah. I know everyone around here.
Two – You know everyone. But no one knows you.
One – Well, at least, I don’t know you.
Two – But I know you.
One – You know me?
Two – You really don’t remember me?
One – No.
Two – It’s true; I’ve changed a bit. You have too, by the way.
One – I’m not a fan of riddles.
Two – Picture me clean-shaven, in a suit and tie, behind a fake mahogany desk.
One – Sorry, it’s hard for me.
Two – I was your financial advisor.
The other remains momentarily stunned.
One – Scum! And you come to taunt me on my street again? I’ll strangle you, you piece of garbage!
He tries to grab the other’s throat, but the other dodges.
Two – Easy! We can talk, after all. And I have a proposition for you.
One – A proposition? If I ended up like this, it’s precisely because of the rotten investments you advised me, you bastard!
Two – This time it’s different, I assure you. It’s absolutely risk-free.
One – Risk-free? Of course, it’s risk-free! What else could I possibly have to lose? You left me with only the shirt on my back!
Two – You said it yourself, you have nothing to lose, and neither do I. So, yes or no, do you want a chance to make a comeback?
One – No!
Two – Alright then. Too bad for you. I’ll try to find another partner. I’m leaving because I don’t have time to waste. It’s a unique opportunity that I have to seize in the next hour.
He starts to leave.
One – Okay, go on…
Two – Are you sure?
One – I’m listening…
Two – Well, I had just one 50-euro bill left.
One – Is that all you have left of what you stole from me?
Two – I decided to go all-in. I went to see a fortune teller earlier, and she gave me the five numbers for the next lottery.
One – Is this a joke?
Two – I assure you, she was very confident.
One – Fine. So, you’re going to become a millionaire? Good for you. And how does that concern me? Do you plan to repay me with your big win?
Two – Not exactly.
One – It’s strange, but I suspected as much.
Two – So, I gave her the 50 euros I had left to get this insider information… and I don’t even have two euros left to buy a lottery ticket.
One – And?
Two – I only have an hour left!
One – So what?
Two – Well, I was wondering if… if you’d be interested in investing in this venture. You put in the two euros. And we split the profits. Two-thirds for me, one-third for you.
One – Basically, you want me to give you the two euros I just found on the ground… to buy a lottery ticket because a fortune teller just gave you the winning numbers.
Two – So, you do have two euros to invest in this venture! You won’t regret it, trust me.
One – But you really take me for a fool! With these two euros, I can buy a baguette and a litre of red wine!
Two – But I’m offering you a chance to make a fortune!
One – You’re the one who ruined me!
Two – You disappoint me. Even in the highly unlikely event that this fortune teller got it wrong, I’m offering you the chance to win 60 million! And you’re talking about a baguette and a litre of wine? Let me tell you something: You’re not worthy of being my partner in this venture. Alright, I’m leaving…
He’s about to go.
One – Okay. Fifty-fifty. It’s still me taking the financial risk. As usual…
Two – Okay, but you drive a hard bargain.
He extends his hand, and the other gives him the two euros.
Two – You won’t regret it, trust me. Wait for me here; I’ll be back. Tonight, we’ll be rich!
One – Before I met you, I already was.
The other leaves.
Two – Why do I have this unpleasant feeling of being conned again?
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Sidewalk Chronicles
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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https://jeanpierremartinez.net