A Comedy Sketch for Two Actors About Memory, Technology and Everyday Absurdity
They are standing side by side, facing the audience.
Him – Well?
Her – No, I really can’t remember…
Him – Are you sure you didn’t write it down somewhere?
Her – I did! Yes, of course I wrote it down somewhere.
Him – So…?
Her – The problem is, I can’t remember where I wrote it down.
Him – Right…
Her – The whole point of secret codes is not to write them in big letters on the fridge… or on your suitcase when you go on holiday.
Him – The point is mostly to remember where you hid them.
Her – Exactly. And clearly I hid it so well, event I can’t find it.
Him – And the PIN, you’ve no idea what it was?
Her – Not exactly. I’ve only got three attempts, and I’ve already used two.
Him – Sounds like a genie in a bottle: you only get three wishes.
Her – I’m trying to remember… There are just so many passwords these days.
Him – I use the same one for everything. That way, I never forget.
Her – And that way, if someone hacks you, they can access everything.
Him – But at least I can access my account!
Her – Well go on then, access your account!
Him – I lost my bank card, you know that.
Her – You remember your PIN but lost your card. I still have my card but forgot the code.
Him – Wasn’t it your date of birth?
Her – I never give my date of birth to anyone. Not even my bank.
Him – Your National Insurance number?
Her – I like to choose passwords that are a bit harder to hack, thank you.
Him – Including by you…
Her – I think this one wasn’t just a random string of numbers, like I use for the lottery.
Him – So you don’t remember the winning numbers either?
Her – We’ve only got one attempt left. If it’s wrong, the machine eats the card, and we starve.
Him – Like the rest of the poor sods in this godforsaken country. What were we thinking, coming here for our holidays…
Her – That was your idea, if you remember. I wanted to go to Brittany. At least in Brittany we wouldn’t be dying of hunger.
Him – All right, no need to panic. We could always go to the consulate…
Her – The nearest consulate is two hundred kilometres away. We don’t even know where we’ll sleep tonight…
Him – So what do you suggest?
Her – We’ve no choice. I have to try.
Him – Try what?
Her – I’ll just type something and hope my fingers remember. I’ve done this PIN so many times, my hands probably know it better than my brain.
Him – You think so?
Her – The more I think about it, the less I remember. So I won’t think at all. I’ll just do it.
Him – I’m not sure that’s wise…
Her – Got a better idea?
Him – No…
Her – Then here goes.
Him – OK… But really focus.
Her – No! I just told you, I mustn’t think.
Him – Right, right…don’t think.
Her – I’m trying…
Him – I’m sure you can do it…
Her – I feel like I’m about to bungee jump… OK. I’m going.
She closes her eyes and types in a code. They both hold their breath.
Him – Well?
Her – It worked!
Him – Hallelujah!
Her – So we’ve got a bit of cash, but you can only withdraw a hundred euros at a time abroad.
Him – That won’t get us very far. Still, we can always get more now that you’ve remembered your code…
Her – Well, about that…
She looks suddenly troubled.
Him – What?
Her – I typed the code without thinking…
Him – And…?
Her – I’ve no idea what I typed.
Him – You didn’t see it?
Her – I had my eyes closed! To make sure I didn’t think of anything!
Pause
Him – I’ve got a feeling this holiday is going to be… unforgettable.
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A sketch from the collection Blackouts
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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