A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
Two street sweepers are at work. They’re sweeping. One of them picks something up from the ground.
One – It’s amazing what you can find in the gutters.
Two – What is it?
One – An ear.
Two – What?
One – An ear, I’m telling you!
Two – An ear? No way! Let me see… Oh yeah, it’s an ear, indeed.
He starts looking on the ground.
One – What are you looking for?
Two – I’m checking if the second one is there.
One – Why would there be a second one?
Two – I don’t know… Ears come in pairs, don’t they?
One – Ears come in pairs… Ridiculous…
They remain perplexed for a moment, leaning on the handles of their brooms.
Two – What are we going to do with this ear?
One – What do you suggest we do?
Two – I don’t know. Maybe we should try to find its owner.
One – What do you think they’ll do with it?
Two – It seems to me that if I lost an ear and someone found it, I’d like them to return it to me.
One – What do you mean if you lost an ear? You don’t lose your ears like you lose your keys! How do you lose an ear without noticing?
Two – That’s true… How could this person have lost an ear?
One – It could also be a woman.
Two – A woman? Why a woman?
One – Why not a woman? Women have ears too, right? Otherwise, where would they hang their earrings?
Two – But this ear doesn’t have an earring.
One – Maybe it was a woman who didn’t wear earrings…
Two – That’s terrible…
One – What?
Two – Knowing that somewhere, a woman is walking down the street with only one ear.
One – The woman with the cut-off ear…
Just then, a woman arrives.
Three – I can read palm lines. Would you like me to read yours?
One – We’re looking for someone who reads earlobes. Can you do that?
Three – Let me see…
He hands her the ear.
One – Here, I’m lending you a listening ear.
Two – We mostly want to know to whom this ear belongs.
The fortune teller seems to concentrate.
Three – I see… a broom.
Two – Do you think this ear could have belonged to a witch?
One – A broom… Of course, we’re street sweepers, so she sees brooms! If we were fishmongers, she’d smell fish. And if we were sailors, she’d hear the sea…
Three – For now, I mostly sense bad vibes…
Two – We found this ear while sweeping up dead leaves in the gutter.
One – Autumn is the peak season for street sweepers… Dead ears pile up…
Two – What else do you see?
Three – I see… (Waving the ear, as if in a trance) I don’t see anything, but I hear.
Two – And what do you hear?
Three – I hear a voice… coming from very far away.
Two – And what is this voice saying?
Three – I hear… numbers!
One – Numbers?
Two – It must be a coded message.
Three – Five digits… And a sixth one…
Two – The supplementary number!
Three – Yes… Yes, that’s it… It looks like the combination for the next lottery draw!
One – The lottery?
Two – And what are these numbers?
She abruptly hands him the ear back, as if the spell has been broken.
Three – To find out, you must pay in advance.
One – Right… And what proves it’s the right combination?
Three – Nothing. You’re not obligated to believe. It’s up to you…
Two – Still, can you imagine? What if it’s the right number?
One – Are you serious?
Two – What do we have to lose?
One – I think madam will tell us that…
Three – Fifty euros.
One – Fifty euros?
Three – Take it or leave it.
One – And what if it’s true, why don’t you play the winning combination yourself?
Three – You found the ear, not me. It would go against my professional ethics.
Two – It’s only 25 euros each…
One – How about 40, okay?
Three – Okay.
They each give her a twenty euro note. She takes out a paper from her pocket and hands it to them.
Three – Here are the winning numbers.
Two – But… they were already written on this paper before you heard that voice!
Three (emphatically) – Destiny is always written in advance.
She leaves.
Two – I don’t know why, but I believe her…
One – And what are these numbers?
The other is about to tell him but refrains.
Two – Come over here instead… (Glancing at the audience) Walls have ears…
They step back a bit.
One – So?
Two – 13.
One – Classic.
Two – 5 bis.
One – Let’s just say 5.
Two – And 214.
One – 214?
Two – Let’s say 2, 1, and 4.
One – Yeah, but that’s only 5 numbers.
Two – Oh yeah, that’s right…
One – She didn’t give us the supplementary number, the sneak.
Two – We should have given her the fifty euros she asked for.
One – Yeah, it’s going to be my fault now.
Two – And what about this ear? It doesn’t look very clean…
One – Obviously, we found it in the gutter…
Two – Yeah… (Addressing the audience) Did anyone lose an ear? A dirty ear… Well, I’ll leave it here, prominently displayed. If the person who lost it wants to retrieve it…
One – So, are we making that lottery ticket, yes or no?
Two – Let’s do it… I don’t know why, but I have a feeling it’s our lucky day…
They exit.
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Sidewalk Chronicles
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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