A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
A place resembling a garden, perhaps Eden or a town square. Eve is there. Ethan enters. They might be dressed in Adam and Eve-style attire—or not. He circles her a little, hesitating before extending his hand.
Ethan – Hi, I’m Ethan.
She shakes his hand.
Eve – Eve.
A pause.
Ethan – Do you shag?
Eve – I’m not certain…
Ethan – You don’t know how?
Eve – That too, yes.
Ethan – Neither do I, actually. You’re the first woman I’ve ever met.
Eve – Same here… You’re the first…
Ethan – Well, not just the first woman—I mean the first person.
Eve – The first person?
Ethan – I didn’t even know it would be a woman.
Eve – Right…
Ethan – So?
Eve – I’m not sure about this…
Ethan – You’re not sure?
Eve – Do you realise what we’re about to set in motion?
Ethan – No…
Eve – It could be the beginning of something completely beyond our control.
Ethan – The beginning of…
Eve – A chain reaction.
Ethan – Like… something atomic?
Eve – It might turn into quite a story.
Ethan – What kind of story?
Eve – The story of humanity! Our child would be the start of an endless lineage.
Ethan – I was just talking about a quick shag.
Eve – Billions and billions of humans who’ll have to work to earn their bread by the sweat of their brows. Because, let’s be honest, there’s barely enough here for two.
Ethan – Exactly… It’s mostly just salad and apples.
Eve – So obviously, they’ll have to start working, all those bastards. Working the land.
Ethan – That’s true.
Eve – And then, they’ll fight each other to own that land.
Ethan – Very possible.
Eve – Generations of brats happily massacring each other over the centuries.
Ethan – Yeah…
Eve – And, of course, they’ll start shagging too. Multiplying. Proliferating more and more.
Ethan – No doubt.
Eve – And eventually destroying this little slice of paradise with their waste, their farts, their burps, and their greenhouse gases.
Ethan – When you put it like that, it’s not exactly a turn-on.
Eve – No, not at all.
Ethan – And you’re sure that…
Eve – Oh yes.
Ethan – Right…
Eve – We’d end up creating generations and generations of kids with Oedipal issues! Kids dreaming every night of killing their parents. Some might even follow through.
Ethan – Oh, right… So, what do we do?
Eve – I think I’ll take a bit more time to think about it.
Ethan – Alright, well… Let me know… (He’s about to leave.) Unless… I could be careful.
Eve – Careful… They all say that…
Ethan – All?
Eve – You don’t actually believe you’re the first, do you?
Ethan – Well, no, not exactly, but… At the same time, there’s only the two of us.
Eve – Oh, really?
Ethan – Well, yes… Ethan and Eve…
Eve – I see… So, it was you?
Ethan – Me?
Eve – Last time. It was you again…
Ethan – Looks like it.
Eve – You didn’t leave much of an impression.
Ethan – Well, maybe that’s a good thing…
Eve – Is it?
Ethan – No, I mean, at least it didn’t leave a bad impression… Considering what you were saying earlier—our first child, and all that… and the billions of offspring to follow.
Eve – True, it is a bit scary.
Ethan – Yeah.
Eve – Want an apple while we wait?
Blackout.
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A sketch from the collection Ethan and Eve
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