A sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
A man enters, looking like a sales representative, carrying a briefcase. He waits, unsure of what to do. Then he takes the opportunity to discreetly examine the surroundings. His judgment seems very favourable. His phone rings, and he answers.
Him – Yes…? Yes, honey… Yes, I’m here… No, the agency girl hasn’t arrived yet. I’m a bit early. A chance like this, you know. I absolutely wanted to be the first. Yes, she mentioned that someone else is interested in the property… No, no, it was open, so I took the opportunity to enter… Oh, yes, I assure you, it’s really magnificent. Love at first sight, I swear. No, I think this time it’s the one. And at this price… The owners seem to be in a hurry… A divorce, it seems… Excuse me, I’ll have to let you go… I hear her coming… OK, I’ll call you back later, alright…? Bye…
A woman enters. She is dressed somewhat like him, in a feminine way, and also carries a briefcase.
Her – Hello… Are you…?
Him – Yes…
Her – I parked in a disabled spot, but well… We won’t be long…
Him – No, of course…
She glances around the room. He seems puzzled.
Her – Oh, yes, it’s…
Him – Is this your first time seeing it…?
Her – Yes… Why?
Him – Nothing, I…
Her – It’s not very large, obviously, but well…
Him – For a couple.
Her – Yes.
Him – There are quite a few closets…
They both seem a bit awkward.
Her – It must be admitted that at this price, it’s an opportunity not to be missed.
Him – Yes…
Her – You… You’ve been doing this for a long time…
Him – This?
Her – You’re new at this, am I wrong?
Him – Well…
Her (amused) – It shows a bit…
Him – Oh, really…?
Her – You’re not very… But it’s great, I mean… We’ve been searching for six months, so obviously… Excuse me, but… real estate agents, we’re starting to know their spiel… So, it’s a bit refreshing for me…
Him – Of course…
Her – And it’s true that an apartment like this, at this price… There’s really no need to add anything…
Him – No…
Her (resuming her tour) – Oh, yes, it’s… It’s very bright…
Him – Yes, well…
Her – Sorry?
Him – Especially during the day…
Her – Yes… It’s sure to be a bit darker at night…
Him – Well, not really.
Her – No?
Trying to find something to argue, he positions himself in front of the supposed window.
Him – Have you seen that neon sign on the roof over there, right across…
Her – Oh, no…
Him – For the nightclub downstairs! Before going to bed, you better close the shutters…
Her – Oh, yes…
Him – The problem is… there are no shutters.
Her – Oh, no…
Him – On the other hand, if you’re an insomniac, you can read until the next morning without even turning on the light. Are you an insomniac?
Her – Sometimes…
Him – The advantage is that you won’t be woken up at four in the morning when the customers leave the club and smoke a cigarette while making noise before going home half-drunk.
Her – I thought this was your first time here… You seem to know the neighbourhood well…
Him – Professional habit… In our job, we have an eye for all these little inconveniences that usually only appear to unsuspecting buyers after signing the sales agreement…
Her – There is still a nice ceiling height…
Him – Yes…
Her – No…?
Him – Yes, yes… It’s… It’s sure that this feeling of volume is very pleasant…
Her – Yes…
Him – But you also have to think about heating…
Her – Heating…
Him – Full north, like that… Here, it’s summer… But in December…
Her – You think so?
Him – When you’re heated with gas, maybe…
Her – Yes…
Him – But with electric heating…
Her – Oh, yes…
Him – Plus, there’s only one radiator…
Her – Mmm…
Him – And not very big either.
Her – No…
Him – Who knows if it even works…
Her (intrigued) – Do you work on commission?
Him – No, why?
Her – Just like that… Well, during the day, it seems rather calm, right?
Him (looking out the window again) – Oh, there… Have you seen, on the right?
Her – What?
Him – The school!
Her – Oh, yes… We don’t have children yet, but… It’s true that it would be practical…
Him – Mmm…
Her – No?
Him – Wait for recess…
Her – You mean…
Him – You don’t work at home, do you?
Her – Yes… I… I’m a translator…
Him – Believe me… A school… When you only go home in the evening, it’s fine… But when you need tranquility to work during the day…
Her – To that extent…?
Him – How long has it been since you set foot in a schoolyard?
Her – I don’t know…
Him – Believe me, a school… It’s still better to live next to a nuclear power plant…
Her – Oh, yes?
Him – It makes less noise…
Her – But… Why are you telling me all this? Your job is to sell apartments, right?
Him – I like you, I don’t know why… I wouldn’t want… And then I’ll eventually find another sucker…
Her – Thank you for your honesty… I’m very touched…
Him – You’re welcome.
Her – And the toilets?
Him – In the bathroom…
Her – It takes up less space.
Him – But it’s not very convenient… especially if you plan to expand the family.
Her – Okay… I might think a bit more then…
Him – Take your time… I don’t think this kind of property sells quickly anyway…
Her – Thanks… So, I’ll be going… I parked in a disabled spot…
Him – Yes… I think there’s a psychiatric hospital not far away…
She wonders if he just escaped from there.
Her – You’re a strange real estate agent…
Him – Do you think so…?
Her (disturbed) – I’m leaving…
Him – OK… (She leaves. He glances at the apartment, looking much less satisfied. His phone rings.) Yes…? Ah, it’s you… No, it wasn’t the real estate agent, actually, it was… Listen, I can’t tell you this right away, the agency girl is about to arrive… All I can say is that now, we’re the only ones in the running… (Trying to motivate himself again) It’s great, right? The apartment…? Listen… I’m starting to wonder if it’s not as good as I thought, after all… Yes, I know, that’s what I thought, but you know how it is… Sometimes, you have a crush and… But no, I’m not saying this to you… I’m talking about the apartment! Well, we’ll talk about it later, okay, I hear footsteps on the stairs…
To his great surprise, it’s the woman who comes back.
Her – Do you believe in love at first sight…?
He remains dumbfounded. She goes towards him and gives him a passionate kiss. In the distance, the increasing noise of children playing during recess is heard. The lights go out, replaced by the intermittent flash of light from the neon sign.
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Lost Times Chronicles
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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