Locked Down for Life – A Comedy Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
Two is at home. The doorbell rings. One, the postman, enters.
One – Hello!
Two – Ah, hello, postman.
One – You’ve got some mail.
Two – Yes, I thought so. Otherwise you probably wouldn’t have bothered coming in to tell me.
The postman hands him a letter.
One – Here you are.
Two – Thanks… (He glances at the envelope.) Another death notice…
One – With this damned virus… Death notices are what I deliver most these days… Sorry I don’t have any good news for you.
Two – Depends. It might be good news.
One – Oh, sorry, isn’t it a death notice?
Two – It is… But it depends who’s died. A death notice is a bit like a surprise bag. You never know what you’re going to find inside…
He opens it and looks at the card.
One – Well?
Two – A great-aunt on my father’s side…
One – Did you know her well?
Two – I hadn’t seen her for twenty years… She lived at the other end of the country… But she was the only family I had left.
One – Bad news, then…
Two – The good news is that, because of the lockdown, I’ve got a good excuse not to go to her funeral.
One – You’re right. These days, it’s better to look on the bright side. Come on, we’ll get through this! They can’t keep us locked down forever.
Two – Oh, you know, for me… Going out for one hour a day to do the shopping, curfew at nine, nowhere to go, no friends… I feel as though I’ve already been in lockdown for quite a while.
One – Ah, yes. When you put it like that…
Two – But at least now that everyone else is stuck at home too, I feel less alone.
One – Thanks… You’ve managed to depress me for the rest of the day.
Two – You’re welcome. See you soon…
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A sketch from the collection Lockdown Shorts
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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https://jeanpierremartinez.net