A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
Ethan and Eve.
Ethan – Feels good to be on holiday…
Eve – Finally!
Ethan – Not thinking about anything.
Eve – Not doing anything.
Ethan – Not seeing anyone.
Eve – Absolute bliss.
A pause.
Ethan – This place really is the middle of nowhere.
Eve – Isn’t that what we wanted? Peace and quiet.
Ethan – We’ve definitely got the quiet part.
Eve – No computer…
Ethan – No phone.
Eve – Not that there’s any signal out here anyway.
A pause.
Eve – Do you think we’ll last three weeks?
Ethan – The first three days might be tough. Like quitting smoking. After that, we’ll be fine.
Eve – You have to admit, it’s beautiful here.
Ethan – Yeah. It’s really paradise.
Eve – The perfect place to rest and forget everything.
Ethan – Makes you wonder how we survive in the city all year long.
Eve – True, a bit of greenery…
Ethan – At least we can breathe.
Eve – And this silence…
Silence.
Ethan – Almost hurts your ears.
Eve – Yeah… when you’re not used to it.
Ethan – And what a change of scenery.
Eve – Absolutely.
A pause.
Ethan – Haven’t we been here before?
Eve – Here? We’d remember…
Ethan – Then again, the countryside… It all looks the same, doesn’t it?
Eve – Yeah.
A pause.
Ethan – It’s really isolated, though.
Eve – Well, no noisy neighbours to worry about.
Ethan – It’s almost unsettling… What if something happened?
Eve – What could possibly happen? We’re on holiday.
Ethan – I don’t know… A domestic accident…
Eve – Well, just be careful washing the lettuce, then.
Ethan – A brain haemorrhage… A heart attack… By the time the paramedics got here…
Eve – You’re right—we should’ve packed a defibrillator.
Ethan – You think?
Eve – We live such hectic lives all year. It’d be ironic to have a heart attack now. It doesn’t get more peaceful than this!
Ethan – That’s the problem—our hearts aren’t used to it. All this oxygen at once… Feels like I’ve smoked a joint.
Eve – Still, it’s nice to have room to breathe. Not being crammed into an office like battery chickens.
Ethan – Or packed like sardines on the metro.
Eve – Not even a cow around here.
Ethan looks down at the ground.
Ethan – Our only immediate neighbours are the ants.
Eve (also glancing at the ground) – And they seem to be hard at work.
Ethan – Yeah, they’re really going for it.
Eve – Look at that one, carrying the corpse of a dragonfly three times its size.
Ethan – Maybe a dragonfly on holiday, bored to death by all the peace and quiet.
Eve – Or one that had a stroke before help could arrive.
Ethan – Either way, they never stop.
Eve – Makes you wonder if they’re overdoing it a bit.
Ethan – Ants don’t do holidays.
Eve – True. Paid leave is a human thing.
Ethan – Then again, some animals are real slackers.
Eve – Oh yeah?
Ethan – Mammals, in general, are kind of lazy.
Eve – Sloths are mammals, right?
Ethan – Well, humans are mammals too.
Eve – Oh, really?
Ethan – You don’t lay eggs, do you?
Eve – It’s mostly insects that are always working.
Ethan – Social insects, as they say… Ants, bees, termites…
Eve – Yeah… Working nonstop, 365 days a year. They couldn’t care less that we’re on holiday.
Ethan – Actually, they couldn’t care less if we exist at all.
Eve – They live alongside us, completely ignoring us.
Ethan – I’d say they downright despise us. We don’t bother them at all.
Eve – Humans have managed to wipe out almost all wild mammals. The rest, we’ve turned into domestic slaves or red meat. But insects? They’re still here, going about their business. As if we weren’t even there.
Ethan – Not to mention the birds.
Eve – What about the birds?
Ethan – Hear them singing? Feels like they’re mocking us.
Eve – If only we could understand what they’re saying…
Ethan – I think I’ve got an idea.
Eve – What?
Ethan – They’re probably saying: “We’re dinosaurs, and we’re still here.”
Eve – “You’re the ones going extinct… and we couldn’t care less…”
Ethan – Do you think the dinosaurs will go back to their original size once humans are gone?
Eve – Maybe. They’re lying low because we’re here.
Ethan – Waiting for their chance to become monsters again.
Eve – Good thing we won’t be around to see it…
A pause.
Ethan – You know, I’m pretty sure we’ve been here on holiday before.
Eve – When?
Ethan – Wasn’t it last year?
Eve – Oh, yeah, maybe… But it was busier, wasn’t it?
Ethan – And there were fewer ants…
Blackout.
All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.
To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.
A sketch from the collection Ethan and Eve
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net