A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
One character is already present. Another arrives with a suitcase.
Two – Good morning, I’ve booked a rental car online…
He hands the other a paper, which the latter quickly examines.
One – Very well… Can I see your driving license?
The other hands over his license.
Two – There you go…
One – This is a boating license.
Two – Oh yes, sorry.
He takes back the first document and hands another to him.
One – So… So, you want to rent… a hearse, correct?
Two – Yes, that’s right.
One – Okay… And how long are you thinking of renting it for?
Two – Just a day should be sufficient.
One – Is it for accompanying a relative to their final resting place?
Two – Yes, in a certain way…
One – In a certain way?
Two – Actually, it’s for me.
One – I see. And is it for the journey from…
Two – From my home to the cemetery. Since I’ve opted for a Do It Yourself coffin, I figured a self-driven rental hearse would be fitting…
One – Certainly…
Two – I thought about getting an Uber, but then…
One – Alright. So, I assume the unlimited mileage option isn’t something you’re interested in?
Two – I don’t think it’s necessary.
One – I see that you also skipped the Serenity Assistance option…
Two – I… No… What’s that?
One – Well… If there’s a breakdown, we handle everything, and if necessary, we provide you with a courtesy vehicle. Well… a courtesy hearse.
Two – I… I’m not sure… It’s only five kilometres… The risk seems quite minimal anyway…
One – Oh, you know, by definition, breakdowns… It could also be an accident.
Two – An accident? While driving the hearse to my own funeral?
One – That would indeed be unfortunate, I admit…
Two – Unless it’s a fatal accident, of course.
One – It could just be a simple puncture…
Two – A puncture?
One – It’s not mandatory, but it would be more prudent.
Two – Don’t tell me that the spare tire is also an option?
One – No, of course not… Well, I don’t think so… Well, it’s up to you…
Two – I think I’ll take the risk.
One – In that case, here are the keys.
The second takes the keys.
Two – Very well.
One – All that’s left is to wish you a safe journey.
Two – Thank you.
One – And… drive carefully.
The other leaves with his suitcase.
Black.
All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.
To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.
A sketch from the collection Memoirs of a Suitcase
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net