A sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
Two characters are there, on either side of a suitcase. They seem to be waiting.
One – Do you think they’ll come?
Two – Who?
One – People!
Two – People? You mean the audience…
One – The spectators, yeah!
Two – Ah, yes, the spectators…
One – We can’t put on a show if there’s no audience.
Two – Well, no… That’s precisely why we’re not performing right now.
One – So, we agree, we’re not acting?
Two – Are you acting?
One – No…
Two – There you go. That’s what I was saying. We’re not going to perform when there’s no one around.
One – Okay… But why are we here, then?
Two – And who are we?
One – Nobody…
Two – We’re two characters in search of an audience.
A moment.
One – Why wouldn’t they come?
Two – Oh, you know, the audience… They always seem to have a good excuse not to come to the theatre.
One – You’re right. They never lack imagination for that.
Two – It’s a transportation strike…
One – It’s school holidays…
Two – There’s a crucial match on TV…
One – There was just a terrorist attack…
Two – There could be a terrorist attack…
One – It’s too nice out, we’d rather go for a stroll…
Two – It’s too nasty out, we’d rather stay home…
One – It’s not recommended by the critics, so I won’t go.
Two – It’s recommended by the critics, so it must be boring.
One – It’s too expensive, I’d rather go to the movies.
Two – It’s practically free, it must be awful.
One – I would have liked to come, but I’ve got a wedding.
Two – A funeral.
One – A baptism.
Two – A first communion.
One – Religion has always done a lot of harm to the theatre.
Two – When it comes to finding a good alibi, they never lack ideas.
One – For that yes… Because for the everything else…
A moment.
Two – We’re not asking for much, after all.
One – We’re not expecting to fill a huge theatre.
Two – But a small venue like this.
One – Even half a venue.
The second one seems to notice the presence of the audience.
Two – And who are those?
One – Where?
Two – There, in the dark.
One – I can’t see anything.
Two – Over there, way in the back.
One – Oh, you’re right… I hadn’t seen them come in, those…
Two – Yeah, me neither…
One – We’ve lost the habit so much.
Two – Can you believe it? They came anyway!
One – They’re not very numerous, but they came.
Two – They braved strikes, bad weather, critics…
One – We should give them a medal.
Two – That’s true. They’re heroes.
One – Yes… If only we had known…
A moment.
Two – And now, what do we do?
One – What do you mean, what do we do?
Two – Now that the spectators are here! We have to do something.
One – Well, I haven’t prepared anything. Have you?
Two – No.
One – We didn’t expect this.
Two – It’s so sudden…
One – We didn’t believe it possible anymore…
Two – After all this time.
One – It’s their fault too…
Two – They could have warned us.
One – You don’t go to the theatre on a whim.
Two – It’s not something that you should just decide to do.
A moment.
One – Maybe some of them made reservation.
Two – You think?
One – It’s possible.
Two – Well, yeah, but they don’t inform us either!
One – If we have nothing to show them, they’ll be disappointed.
Two – It’ll be another good excuse for them not to come next time.
One – We could, I don’t know…
Two – We could sing something for them.
One – Can you sing?
Two – Yes… But I don’t know any songs. And you?
One – Yes, I know some songs… but I can’t sing.
A moment.
Two – I’m starting to wonder if we did the right thing by coming…
One – You’re right… we should have found an excuse not to come too.
Two – In the meantime, we’d better hit the road.
One – Haven’t we forgotten something?
The other looks around and sees the suitcase.
Two – The suitcase!
He picks up the suitcase.
One – Let’s go…
They start to leave, sneakily.
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Memoirs of a Suitcase
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net