A sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
A character is standing there as another one arrives.
One – So, did you manage to decode their message?
Two – Our top specialists are on it. It shouldn’t take much longer. I’ve asked for the transcription to be sent straight to my phone.
One – And what about their spaceship?
Two – It’s already in orbit around Earth.
One – Can you believe it? This is a unique moment in human history! For the first time, we’re going to make contact with an extraterrestrial civilisation.
Two – Yes. I can’t wait to hear what they have to say to us.
One – If they’ve managed to get here, it means they’ve mastered techniques we know nothing about. They must have loads to teach us.
Two – And they’ll be curious to know about us, too.
One – Even if they’re more advanced than us technologically, we can surely offer them plenty of things they don’t have.
Two – Of course. In the arts, for example.
One – Yes. Or… I don’t know… politics?
Two – Politics, really?
One – No, maybe not politics.
Two – It’s true, we might not be role models in every domain, but… we don’t have to tell them everything right away.
One – You’re right, let’s show them our best side to begin with.
The phone of the second character pings, indicating a new message has arrived. They both freeze for a moment. The second character glances at the screen.
Two – That’s it, we’ve managed to decode their message.
One – We’re finally going to know.
Two – What do I do?
One – Well, read it!
The other looks at the screen of his phone, clearly surprised.
Two – It’s pretty short…
One – It’s a first contact. But what does it say?
Two (reading) – “Out of fuel. Requesting permission to refuel hydrogen on your planet… to continue our journey.”
One – Out of fuel?
Two – They’re basically running on empty.
One – To continue their journey… So, they see us as a petrol station?
Two – Looks like it.
One – So… they have no intention of getting to know us?
The other checks his screen again.
Two – Apparently… they just want to refuel.
Both are dismayed.
One – Now that we’ve decoded their message, we can communicate with them, right?
Two – Yes, I suppose so.
One – In that case… ask our visitors from space what the purpose of their journey is, exactly.
The other taps something on his phone.
Two – Sent.
Silence. They exchange anxious glances. Another ping signals the arrival of a response. The second character looks at his screen.
One – So? What’s the goal of this exploration mission? If not to meet us…
Two (reading) – “We are searching to see if, besides ourselves, there is any intelligent life elsewhere in the universe.”
One – Intelligent life?
Two – Intelligent life…
One – And what about us, then?
Two – Sadly, I can only think of one possible answer to that.
One – I think I know what it is…
Two – They think we’re complete idiots.
They exchange a look of dismay.
Blackout.
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A sketch from the collection For real and for fun
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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https://jeanpierremartinez.net