A Monologue by Jean-Pierre Martinez
Where are you headed? You don’t know…? Well then, hop in, I’ll take you. Is that all you’ve got for luggage? You’re right. When you don’t know where you’re going, there’s no need to burden yourself. Me, I just have a small bag. A toothbrush. Spare socks. A swimsuit, just in case… Don’t forget to fasten your seatbelt, there are checks sometimes. I don’t really know where I’m going either, to be honest. I’ve taken a few days off. I’m going to try to find a quiet place to clear my head. I have a vague idea for a novel… With laptops these days, it’s convenient. You can write anywhere. Even at home. I have internet with me too! When I leave home, I take the mailbox with me. This place isn’t bad, is it? What a shame they’re forecasting lousy weather. I enjoy driving like this. Already departed, not yet arrived. I feel like I exist a bit. Maybe that’s why I never finish anything. The number of novels I’ve started! When I was a kid, my favourite part was the journey between home and school. I would savour it by moving as slowly as possible. However… no matter how much time you take, you always end up somewhere. I absolutely need to refuel now. Let me know if you spot a gas station, will you? Yeah… When I was a kid, I was terrified by the certainty that I would die someday. It’s everyone’s destiny, right? So, I first tried to convince myself that I wasn’t like everyone else. Yet, I soon had to accept the reality that I wasn’t Jesus Christ. Only elastic time separated me from certain death. Maybe even premature death! Not only was I sure I would die, but I didn’t know when. Anyway, it became urgent to slow down to avoid dying prematurely. Why is that guy honking so much? Overtake if you’re in such a hurry! What was I saying? Right, so, unable to stop time, I then tried to savour every moment. To make it flow less quickly, you see. With the secret hope that a denser memory would eventually halt the hourglass.
To begin with, I randomly selected a moment and arbitrarily decided to cherish it for the rest of my life. And it worked! The first time… An unforgettable moment! Although absolutely meaningless… I’ve never been able to replicate that feat. Anyway, over time, my perspective on existence has changed, right? We die, of course, but we never completely disappear. Nothing is lost, nothing is created. Unfortunately, as time passes, the certainty of eternal return terrifies me even more than the idea of a definitive end. Will it never stop? And what will become of us when we’re dead? True, reincarnation is frightening, if you think about it. Even if you’re not completely satisfied with your current life, there’s no guarantee that when you’re resurrected, you won’t end up in the shoes of someone even unhappier than yourself… There’s so much misery in the world. Doesn’t the thought of this Russian roulette scare you? No, we don’t know where we’re going. We don’t even know where we’re coming from! Does a butterfly remember being a caterpillar? Man doesn’t even remember being a monkey. Ah, a gas station! I thought we were going to run out of fuel. If you want to stretch your legs. Or use the restroom. Take your time; we’re not in a hurry. We don’t know where we’re going…
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A sketch from the collection Like a fish in the air
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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