A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
The landlord is wiping glasses behind the counter. A couple arrives and sits down. Silence. The landlord approaches.
Landlord – What can I get you?
Her (in a decisive tone) – Nothing for now. We’re waiting for the third…
Landlord – Alright…
The man looks surprised. The landlord walks away.
Him – I didn’t know we were expecting someone…
Her – Neither did I.
Him – What do you mean? Who is it?
Her – I don’t know… The person doesn’t have a name yet…
Him – Are you pulling my leg?
A moment of silence.
Her – What would you say if I tell you I’m pregnant?
He takes a moment to process the question.
Him – First of all, I would say… there’s a problem with verb tense agreement.
Her – Sorry?
Him – Normally, you should say “if I told you I was pregnant” and not “if I tell you I am pregnant.” After a conditional clause in the past tense, we use the past tense.
Her – Ah, I see…
Him – Are you pregnant?
Her – I didn’t say that…
Him – So it’s a conditional statement.
Her – If you say so…
Him – Aren’t you sure?
Her – Do you want to see a tampon?
Him – What tampon?
Her – Guess what? A tampon from the town hall!
Him – You shouldn’t joke about that.
Her – I’m not joking. I just wanted to talk about it. So, what do you think?
Him – Having a child… it always starts as a conditional, right?
Her – It’s up to us to turn this conditional into an indicative.
Him – As long as you don’t conjugate it in the imperative…
Her – You didn’t answer my question…
Him – What?
Her – What would you say if I told you… that I was pregnant?
Him – I don’t know, I would say… great!
Her – Great?
Him – Yeah… But just to be clear, you’re not pregnant…
The landlord returns.
Landlord – Are we still waiting for the third?
She places her hand on her belly.
Her – The third person is already here… We can place our order now…
The man looks at her with surprise.
Landlord – Great.
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Open Hearts
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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