A sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
She is stage left, saying goodbye to their daughter, who is not visible. He stands slightly back, watching the farewell with a faint smile on his face.
Her – Have fun, you two. But don’t do anything stupid, all right? And don’t bring her home too late, okay? I’m counting on you!
The daughter leaves. The couple returns to centre stage, exchanging a glance full of mixed emotion, amusement and tenderness.
Her – Her first outing with a boy…
Him – Doesn’t make us feel any younger.
Her – Yeah… It’s a bit of a blow to my spirits.
Pause.
Him – What’s his name again?
Her – Adolf.
Another pause.
Her – It’s odd, isn’t it?
Him – What?
Her – That his name is Adolf!
Him – Well, my name is Wolfgang.
Her – Exactly! It’s such an old-fashioned name…
Him – Maybe he’s actually a creepy old man disguised as a spotty teenager. Like those characters you see on TV in internet safety ads. Right now, he’s probably pulling off his mask.
Her (turning back to him) – Don’t joke about that…
Him – Perhaps his parents are borderline fascists. That would explain the name.
Her – Your parents named you Wolfgang and you never even played the piano.
He gestures in a conciliatory way.
Him – Come on, you’ll have to get used to it. It’s just the beginning. In a year or two, we’ll be alone in the house, like a pair of washed-up old farts.
Her – Thanks. That’s exactly what I needed to cheer me up…
Him (playful) – I’ve got a surprise to help you through this difficult time.
Her – You’re taking me out to dinner?
Him – Better than that.
He pulls a joint from his pocket and shows it to her.
Her (tempted but hesitant) – No… You think? I haven’t smoked in fifteen years, not even a cigarette. The last time I tried a Marlboro Light, I thought I was going to overdose…
Him – It’ll take us back to our youth. Remember, we smoked our first joint together. Would we even be married today if we hadn’t been completely stoned when we met?
Her – Probably not…
He lights the joint, takes a deep drag, and passes it to her.
Him – Wow… That feels good…
She takes a puff too, visibly enjoying it. But her blissful smile quickly fades.
Her – What if he offers her drugs…?
Him – If his name were Jamel, maybe… But Adolf…
Her – Your name was Wolfgang, and you’re the one who gave me my first joint.
Him – Maybe it’ll end in a wedding… Come on, relax a bit…
Her – You’re right… We can’t do anything about it anyway… We’ll have to live with it…
Him – You mean without…
The phone rings. She takes another puff, passes him the joint, and answers, nonchalantly. He inhales again.
Her (somewhat spaced out) – Yeah… (Suddenly composed) Yes, sweetheart, what’s going on? Oh, you scared me. I thought you had an accident… I understand, but it’s still less serious than a car accident. Do you still want to go to the movie? It might take your mind off things… I don’t know, why don’t you ask a friend to go with you…? Of course, come on over. We’ll talk about it. Okay, we’ll wait for you…
She hangs up.
Him – What’s going on?
Her – She’s been dumped by Adolf…
Him – I didn’t like that guy… You were right. Adolf really is a stupid name…
Her – Of course, she’s devastated… Her first heartbreak…
Him – Well, it’s not the end of the world… Won’t be the last… (hands her the joint) Here, have another hit. It’s good stuff, I’m telling you…
Her (ignoring the joint) – She’s on her way… I’m her mother… I need to comfort her… Oh God, my head’s spinning… I feel sick… Why did you make me smoke that crap…?
He’s totally out of it, grinning like an idiot.
Him – I feel amazing. You wouldn’t believe…
Her – Oh no… And now the house reeks of weed…
She tries to waft away the smoke with a magazine. The doorbell rings.
Her – Oh no… She’s already here!
Him – Shit… Couldn’t Adolf have dumped her after the film? I thought we were finally going to have a quiet evening for once…
Her – Yeah, well, not tonight…
The doorbell rings again.
Her – Open the windows, air it out a bit. I’ll try to keep her on the landing for a moment… (Another ring) Yes, yes, I’m coming, sweetheart… (She turns to him one last time. He still has the joint dangling from his mouth) And put that damn thing out, for God’s sake!
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Him and Her
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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