A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
One character is there. Another arrives.
One – Good morning, I would like to buy a suitcase, please.
Two – Certainly, Sir. And is it a suitcase for a specific destination?
One – For a specific destination? What does it matter?
Two – Ah, but it makes all the difference!
One – A suitcase is a suitcase, isn’t it?
Two – You are mistaken, dear Sir! There are all kinds of suitcases. The suitcase for going on a journey, for example, has nothing to do with the suitcase for leaving home after a separation, or for leaving one’s country and going into exile, does it?
One – Into exile?
Two – I completely agree with your perspective. Exile takes on various forms. A fiscal exile, for instance, bears little resemblance to either economic or political exile.
One – Well… Let’s consider it as luggage for a journey, then.
Two – Leisure trip or business trip?
One – Leisure.
Two – Alone or accompanied?
One – But really, that’s none of your business!
Two – I beg your pardon, but if it’s a suitcase for two people, the size becomes crucial. Especially when sharing with a woman… In that case, I would suggest considering a trunk.
One – It’s just my stuff in this suitcase. My wife left me. We recently got divorced…
Two – I’m truly sorry to hear that your wife packed her bags without you…
One – Thanks…
Two – How long is your trip?
One – Just one week.
Two – The destination?
One – I feel like I’m already at customs…
Two – or a trip to Africa, you’d need a more robust and less soiling suitcase compared to Switzerland.
One – Switzerland?
Two – Are you going to Switzerland?
One – I never said that!
Two – Well, if it’s about transporting cash, you’d need a more secure suitcase than just for underwear and a few pairs of socks.
One – You’re delirious! Who told you I’m off to Switzerland to stash my savings?
Two – It’s just a wild guess.
One – I’m actually going to Portugal for my daughter’s wedding, if you must know.
Two – Civil or religious ceremony?
One – Religious.
Two – Which religion?
One – Seriously, what does that have to do with the suitcase?
Two – Nothing. This time, it was just curiosity. My apologies.
One – Fine…
Two – So, we were saying Portugal, for a week, solo, honeymoon… Well, I mean, a trip in view of a wedding… Are you planning to fly or sail there?
One – Does it make a difference for the suitcase?
Two – Let’s say that for a somewhat fancy cruise, I wouldn’t recommend the same suitcase style as for a simple flight. Unless you’re traveling business class, of course.
One – I’m flying. Economy class.
Two – Accompanied baggage or checked?
One – Checked. Is that all?
Two – That’s all for now… and I think I have just the thing you need.
He goes out.
One – I had lost hope…
The other returns with a completely ordinary suitcase.
Two – Did you ask me so many questions just to recommand this suitcase?
One – We strive to meet our customers’ specific needs.
Two – What’s so special about this suitcase then? I mean, what makes it particularly suitable for a trip to Portugal for your daughter’s wedding?
One – Nothing special. For such a straightforward journey, an ordinary suitcase suffices.
Two – But why choose this one in particular?
One – Because it’s the only model we have left.
Two – The only one? Is this some kind of joke? Why did you put me through all those questions then?
One – I wanted to make sure you weren’t a special customer… But apparently not…
Two – Special? Like the ones going on a Titanic cruise and needing an unsinkable suitcase?
One – So, are you taking this suitcase or not? Time’s ticking.
Two – Lucky for you, I don’t have time to go to another store. I’ll take it.
One – Perfect. Will you be paying by cheque or in cash?
Two – By cheque.
One – From which bank?
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Memoirs of a Suitcase
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net