A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
Two women (or two men) are seated on either side of a table, each with a manuscript in hand.
One (with a distressed look) – Good thing we didn’t bring the author here, isn’t it? Because there’s still quite a bit of work to do.
Two (with a knowing look) – Oh dear…
One – His first play was really good, though. Really funny. I don’t understand…
Two – The second one is always the hardest. Everyone knows that.
One – Mmm…
The first one starts flipping through the manuscript and reads silently with a grim expression. The second one also skims through it, glancing at the first one from time to time, trying to turn the pages simultaneously.
One (noticing the other’s lack of amusement) – We’re already on page three, and we haven’t laughed once.
Two nods with a remorseful expression.
Two (with a commercial smile) – Would you like some coffee?
The other doesn’t bother responding, continuing to read and turn the pages. Suddenly, she stops at a line and bursts into laughter.
One – Well, this is actually quite funny…
She continues to laugh as the second one watches, not sure which page the first one is on and attempting to verify by peering at the opposite text.
One (seeing that the other isn’t laughing) – You don’t find this funny?
The other finally locates the mentioned line.
Two – Oh, I do… (Forcing a laugh, with a delayed response) It’s really excellent. Here, we find the same vein as his first play…
The first one regains her composure and resumes turning the pages as she reads.
Two (gaining confidence) – Oh, and this one is not bad either…
She bursts out laughing, unable to stop herself… Until she notices the other staring at her with a dismayed expression.
One – You find that funny?
Two – Well, not really. It’s true that it’s not very subtle, but…
One – Ah, because you were starting to worry me there… Personally, I can’t stand this kind of humour.
Two – It’s undeniable that it’s quite heavy. He used to do better, that’s for sure…
The two women continue to turn the pages in sync with their reading. Spontaneously, they both stop at the same page and start laughing deeply, their laughter growing in intensity. They laugh together with tears in their eyes for a while. The first one gradually calms down, followed by the second one.
One – I have to admit that this is really funny… (She resumes her serious expression.) Well, it’s funny to us… (With a concerned look) But will it really make the audience laugh?
Two – Not sure…
One – Exactly!
Two – Maybe it’s a bit too quirky.
One – We need something irreverent but a bit more…
Two – Mainstream.
One – Mmm…
The first one seems to ponder, and the other observes cautiously, hesitating to intervene.
One – I had an idea…
Two – Yes…
One – Wouldn’t it be funnier for people if the main character were Brazilian?
Two (taken aback) – Brazilian…
One – You know how people from Brazil are, right?
Two – Um… Yes, quite well. My spouse is from Rio…
One – That laid-back air, that animal energy…(Laughing) That accent, it’s hysterical… The Brazilian accent, isn’t it? That’s something that could make the general public laugh. It’s a crisis: people just want a good laugh, for heaven’s sake!
Two – To have a nice evening and not overthink things.
One – I say, a Brazilian or nothing. You’ll discuss it with the author, won’t you?
Two – No problem, I’ll take care of it.
One – We already paid him an advance anyway. He can swallow that too, can’t he?
Two – Still not interested in coffee?
One – I really think we’ve got something here.
Two – It completely changes the play’s perspective.
One – I’m sure we’ll be a hit. Sometimes it just takes a small change. You just have to find it…
Two – It’s a profession, as they say.
One – Do you remember his first play?
Two – The one where he talks about his father’s death.
One – If I hadn’t insisted on setting it back in the Stone Age…
Two – And making the hero Scottish, of all things.
One – Ah, yes, I had forgotten about that… It’s true, the Scottish accent…
Two – That accent always works…
One – Well, I don’t think we’ll do better than this…
She finally closes the bound document and checks her watch.
Two – Oh dear… I really have to run too. I’ve got a meeting with this troublemaker I just can’t shake… Oh, and what did he call it, by the way?
She looks at the title on the cover.
One (reading incredulously) – “Chronicles of a Laborious Life”…
Two – I was sure you wouldn’t like it, but I preferred not to say anything to avoid influencing you. I agree, it’s a terrible title…
One – Chronicles of a Laborious Life… And why not just call it Laborious Chronicles while we’re at it?
Two – Oh yes, that’s… That’s shorter.
One – I was joking…
Two – Of course.
One – No, we need something catchier.
Two – A title that makes people want to see the play.
The first one seems to think.
One – Why not “Strip Poker”? That’s a catchy title. …Makes you want to see the play — depending on the cast, of course.
Two – Oh yes, that’s… It’s catchy…
One – But…?
Two – It’s the title you already gave to his first play…
One – What play?
Two – The one where he talks about his father’s death.
One – Ah…
She thinks again.
One – “Strip Poker 2″…?
The other struggles to fake enthusiasm.
One – No… It should be something more… Maybe just a name? Since the hero’s Brazilian… Carlos, for instance?
Two – Why not…?
One – It’s the name of an actor I had the misfortune of sleeping with after promising to make him a star… If I give him the lead role… It’d be a way to get rid of him — he’s a bad influence on top of everything else…
Two – Ah…
One – Still, Carlos… I have to admit, it’s a ridiculous name… What’s your husband’s name?
Two – Carlos.
One – Ah… Well, “Chronicles of a Laborious Life” isn’t so bad after all, right?
Two – You get used to it.
One – When you’ve repeated it a dozen times. “Chronicles of a Laborious Life”… Alright then, it’s settled. So this time you can’t say I didn’t respect the author’s wishes.
Two – You could even say his last wishes.
One – Oh really? Why’s that?
Two – Oh, you’re not aware? The author committed suicide last night.
One – No…?
Two – I believe he never really got over his father’s death.
One – So this is his final play…
Two – Most likely…
One – I think we’ll be a hit. A deceased author always sells much better than one who’s struggling.
Two – The misfortune of some…
They start to leave.
One – I hope the heirs won’t be too difficult to deal with…?
Two – An old aunt, I think.
One – Did you know hair keeps growing after death?
Two – No…
Fade to black.
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A sketch from the collection Stories to die for
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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https://jeanpierremartinez.net