A sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
A table and two chairs. One character enters stage left, on high alert. Another character enters stage right, also wary. They’re both wearing face masks.
One – You’re Mr Martin, right?
Two – Err… Yes.
The first character draws a gun.
One – I’m a hitman, and I’ve been hired to eliminate you. Sorry…
The other character also draws a gun.
Two – Battle. I’m a hitman too, and I’ve got a contract on your head.
The first character, surprised, takes off his mask.
One – Mike?
Two (also taking off his mask) – Jim?
One – I thought I recognised your voice.
They lower their weapons and exchange a friendly kiss on the cheek.
Two – So, how’s it going?
One – Not bad. I moved down South. But I still take the odd job in the capital.
Two – Right… That explains why we haven’t seen you much around here. Business good in the South?
One – Yes, there’s plenty of work. But a lot of amateurs too. People tend to handle things with family or friends. It’s rare they call in a true professional.
Two – And half the time, they end up in prison.
One – Exactly… And you?
Two – Not bad. It’s a bit slow at the moment, but…
One – People are relying on this epidemic to do the job for them, free of charge.
Two – It’s true, the retirement home and life annuity market is practically dead.
One – Indeed… It’s a crisis for our profession as well.
Two – And we don’t get any help from the government.
One – Anyway, all well and good, but what do we do now?
Two – If we start shooting each other, where will it end?
One – True, but a contract is a contract.
Two – You’re right.
They each raise their guns, pointing them at each other.
One – Nice seeing you one last time, mate.
Two – You too…
They pull the trigger at the same time, and we hear two muffled gunshots. They collapse together.
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Killer Sketches
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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https://jeanpierremartinez.net