A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
Max is there with a bass guitar that he is tuning. Fred arrives with a guitar.
Max – Have you had a look at the room?
Fred – Yeah…
Max – It’s packed to bursting, can you believe it! Apparently, some people are even trying to get in through the emergency exit.
Fred – Oh really?
Max – You won’t believe it, but a girl asked me for an autograph…
Fred – Did you give her your number?
Max – Not even…
Fred – She wasn’t very attractive…?
Max – She was fourteen…
Fred – Right…
Max – Can you hear that?
Fred (distracted) – What?
Max – They’re getting restless. They’re already applauding. Our audience is calling for us!
Fred – Oh, right…
Max – Fred? I feel like something’s happening here. You’ll see, mate. In a few years, when we release our third album and do our first Olympia, we’ll look back at this concert and think that’s where it all began.
Fred seems to be looking for something.
Fred (worried) – Yeah…
Max – Are you alright? You’re not too high, are you?
Fred – No, no… Well, yes, but…
Max – What’s going on?
Fred – I’ve broken a string.
Max – You’ve got plenty of time to change it. And if we keep them waiting a bit… It’ll build up the tension.
Fred – The problem is… I don’t have a spare string.
Max – You don’t have any spare strings?
Fred – I have some, but… not that one.
Max – What do you mean, not that one?
Fred – The B string. I don’t have the B string.
Max – Are you kidding?
Fred – No…
Max – Bloody hell, Fred…
Fred – Don’t you have one?
Max – I do. I’ve got two spare sets of strings for my bass. Though bass strings don’t break often, you know.
Fred – Sorry…
Max – Isn’t there a music shop around here?
Fred – It’s Sunday.
Max – Damn… So what do we do?
Fred – Well… I won’t play with that string, that’s all.
Max – Brilliant…
Fred – I’ve still got five left.
Max – Provided you don’t break another one by then…
Fred – What do you expect? It’s my destroyer side. Jimi Hendrix used to smash his guitar on stage…
Max – Yeah, but he waited until the end of the concert. And I’m sure he always had a spare set of strings. Why don’t you have any spare strings?
Fred – I didn’t have the money.
Max – That’s it… But for buying weed, you always have money.
Fred moves towards him threateningly.
Fred – Hey, what’s this, are you playing my mother or something?
Max – You’re treating me like your mother, Fred. So it’s me who should have spare strings for your crappy guitar, is it? I’m fed up with playing with a bunch of losers.
Fred – No one’s holding you back, Max. You’re pissing everyone off. We’re here to have a good time, not to hear your moral lectures…
Fred walks off. Vincent arrives.
Vincent – Have you seen the crowd in the room?
Max – Yeah.
Vincent – Since we’ve had a female singer, we’ve been getting a lot more attention, have you noticed?
Max – She sings out of tune.
Vincent – Apparently, the guys aren’t just coming to listen to her… You look down… Is there a problem?
Max – Fred’s broken a string.
Vincent – And?
Max – He doesn’t have a spare.
Vincent – Oh shit… (He pulls out a joint, lights it, takes a puff, and offers it to Max.) Want some? It’s Lebanese…
Max – No thanks, I’d prefer to stay clear-headed…
Vincent (laughing) – Clear-headed?
Max – So you’re high too.
Vincent – Completely. Well, shall we go? I think our audience is calling for us…
Max – Damn it, Vincent, don’t you get it! Fred already plays like a beginner with six strings, and with five… The crowd will slaughter us…
Vincent – The crowd? Don’t worry. They’re our mates! And they’re even more stoned than we are…
Black.
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A sketch from the collection The Rebels
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