A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
A character (man or woman) enters carrying a visibly heavy box. Another character arrives in turn.
One – One, that looks heavy… Are you moving?
Two – Does it show that much?
They put the box on another box that is already there.
One – I’d offer to help, but with my back…
Two – Thanks anyway…
He sits on the boxes to catch his breath. The other takes out a pack of cigarettes.
One – Want one?
Two – Thanks, I’m already on the brink of apoplexy…
The other puts away his pack.
One – You’re right, I should quit too… I’ll take a licorice instead.
He takes out a box of licorice.
One – Want one?
The other signals no.
Two – Thanks, no. I’m already very thirsty.
One – I’ve tried everything, even acupuncture, but I can’t quit completely.
Two – Mm-hmm…
One – It’s strange; I’ve never seen you in the building… and we’re getting acquainted on the day you’re moving…
Two – Do you think we got acquainted?
The other just looks at him with a smile, still chewing his licorice.
One – So, where are you going with your boxes?
Two – I’m moving to the 19th.
One – The 19th district?
Two – Uh, yes… Not the 19th century.
One – It will be a change for you.
Two – Yes… Well, the 19th probably isn’t that different from the 20th.
One – But we won’t have the chance to see each other again…
Two – I would tell you that I’ll miss you, but since we had never crossed paths until now. Have you been living in this building for a long time?
One – Oh, no, but I don’t live here.
Two – Oh, yes… That probably explains why we didn’t run into each other more often…
One – I have my office on the third floor.
Two – I see. The dentist.
One – Uh, no… Mine is just across. The exorcist.
Two – The exorcist…?
One – Obviously, it’s not written on the door.
Two – Of course.
One – I mainly consult in the evening. Or even at night, it’s more discreet.
Two – That’s probably why we never met…
One – People who come to see me don’t always want to be recognised…
Two – I’m not sure I’d like to run into your patients in the stairwell after nightfall…
One – You don’t believe in exorcism.
Two – Does it show that much?
One – I don’t blame you, but you’re wrong.
Two – Maybe, yes… And does it work?
One – Look around you… And especially above… Don’t you think the market is immense?
Two – Maybe, yes… But with all that, you still haven’t managed to quit smoking?
One – I haven’t found the magic formula that would free me from the demonic powers of nicotine.
Two – Marlboro, leave this body!
A moment.
One – And why are you moving, if I may ask?
Two – Well… To be closer to my work, first.
One – By moving from the 19th to the 20th?
Two – And also… How should I say? Because I felt a diabolical presence in the apartment I occupy on the top floor of this building.
One – Really? You should have told me sooner…
Two – Unfortunately, I didn’t know you yet.
One – And by diabolical presence, what do you mean exactly?
Two – I mainly mean… my wife.
One – I see… I have many cases like yours…
Two – Well, enough of this, but I have to get back to it. Since you don’t want to help me…
One – I could still try to exorcise your spouse.
Two – You could do that?
One – Which floor is it?
Two – Eighth.
One – You brought down these boxes from the eighth floor, with no elevator?
Two – And I still have a lot more to bring down…
One – Oh, yes… Eighth without an elevator… That’s truly diabolical…
Two – Yes…
One – Sorry, but I think, there… I can’t do anything for you…
He walks away, and the other stays there with his boxes, a bit destabilised He decides to leave when another character (played by the one who just left) wearing a carnival mask arrives. He pretends to look for something, like a name on a mailbox or a professional sign.
Three – Excuse me, the exorcist, which floor is it?
Two – Third. Across from the dentist.
Three – Obviously, there’s no sign downstairs.
Two – Nor on the door.
Three – Thanks…
He leaves. The other stays there, sitting on his box.
Two – I think it was time for me to move…
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Open Letters
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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