A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
The first character stands at the stage’s edge, holding a suitcase, slightly leaning forward and looking down. The second character arrives in a hurry.
Two – You’re not going to jump on me, are you?
One – Uh… No… Not if I can avoid it…
Two – Sorry, I meant… you’re not thinking of jumping… over the railing?
One – Oh… Uh… No… Not if I can help it…
Two – Too bad… I mean, good for you!
An awkward silence lingers.
One – Do I appear that desperate?
Two – I don’t know… And me?
One – Yes, a bit… You seem to have come from…
Two – I just left my dentist’s office.
One – And it didn’t go well.
Two – Well… He stood me up.
One – You’re dating your dentist?
Two – No, I mean… He canceled the appointment.
One – I see… And why was that?
Two – He had a toothache.
One – Oh, really? Well, I’ve always wondered where dentists go when they have a toothache.
Two – And hairdressers, where do they get their hair done?
One – You know what they say… The shoemaker’s children always go barefoot.
Two – As a result, I always have a toothache… What about you?
One – No, my teeth are fine…Ironically, they’re the only thing going well right now.
Two – So, that’s why you were thinking about…
One – Thinking about…?
Two – You know… jumping.
One – My plan wasn’t that elaborate. I just wanted to make sure that if I took the plunge, it would be from a height that gave me a fair shot at not surviving. I mean, if the outcome is just ending up crippled…
Two – Imagine that. You’re already down, try to end it, and then you’re stuck as a paraplegic.
One – That’s even more depressing.
Two – No kidding.
One – That’s why I preferred to check.
Two – So, you were scouting, in a way.
One – Exactly.
Two – And?
One – What?
Two – Is it high enough?
One – I don’t know… What do you think?
Two – I’m not used to this…
He comes closer and examines.
One – Watch your step, though…
Two – You’re right; that would be too ridiculous.
One – So?
Two – It’s not that high… Maybe if you took a headfirst dive…
One – And it’s grass.
Two – If only it were concrete.
One – Grass is quite soft. Especially after heavy rain.
Two – We haven’t had much luck with the weather lately.
One – No, it’s really depressing.
Two – Whatever you do, make sure you get it right. There’s no second chance.
One – Excuse me?
Two – When you shoot yourself, if you miss with the first shot, you can always make up for it with the second. Just press the trigger again. But when you jump into the void…
One – That’s true.
Two – Picture climbing back up the stairs with a broken leg and a fractured skull just to jump again.
One – No way…
Two – I know that ridicule doesn’t kill, but still… there are limits…
One – Right, I’d rather go out with some dignity.
Two – Well, I’ll have to leave you. Sorry, this toothache is killing me.
One – Thanks for the advice, though.
Two – Anytime. By the way, do you know where the 24-hour pharmacy is? It’s for the toothache…
One – Yes, I think… I’ll join you… I’ll try medications instead…
Two – You’re right… The advantage of medications is that if you mess up…
One – You always get a second chance…
They exit together.
Black.
All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.
To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.
A sketch from the collection Memoirs of a Suitcase
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net