She stands in the middle of the empty stage, looking around. He enters.
Him – Ah, there you are! I was looking all over for you…
Her – That’s it, the last truck has just left with the final boxes.
Him – You checked everywhere? Nothing left in the house?
Her – Nothing. Except our memories…
He places a hand on her shoulder.
Him – Come on… We’ll make new ones!
Her – Of course… But plans don’t erase nostalgia.
Him – Any regrets?
Her – No…
Him – Do you remember the first time we walked into this house, to view it?
Her – It was empty then, too.
Him – And between those two emptinesses, we lived. We filled this house. With furniture. Paintings. Children…
Her – And it filled us. With joy. Happiness. Memories.
Him – We’re taking those with us.
Her – And we’re leaving this place almost as spotless as we found it.
Him – Much cleaner, if you ask me.
Her – I wonder who’ll come next… We know nothing about them.
Him – And they’ll know nothing about us.
Her – Just as we know nothing of those who were here before us.
Him – People come and go, houses remain.
Her – Until the houses crumble too. Or are demolished. To make way for blocks of flats.
Him – Some houses are haunted by bad memories.
Her – Yes… Every house has a story. Stories.
Him – Like the story of a crime, for instance.
Her – A crime?
Him – Not all crimes happen out in the open, you know. Most are committed at home. Often within families… And when it becomes a headline, the house becomes unsellable. Sometimes, I imagine, they end up demolishing it to build a new one in its place. A house without a past…
Her – Thank you, that’s very uplifting.
Him – Who knows… Maybe this house, before us, didn’t only witness happy times.
Her – Well, we never found any skeletons in the closets.
Him – Maybe if we’d dug around in the cellar…
Her – Right… Well, in that case, I think we should get going.
Him – See? You just had to ask…
Her – Thanks… I know I can always count on you in difficult times.
They head toward the exit. She bends down and picks something up from the floor.
Him – What is it?
Her – Looks like a manuscript.
Him – A manuscript?
Her – Seems to be a play.
Him – How can you tell?
She flips through the pages.
Her – People talking, if you like. Not like a novel.
Him – I see… Dialogues…
Her – Or it could be a film script.
Him – Is it about a crime?
Her – I don’t know.
Him – It must have been wedged behind a radiator, and with the move, it fell to the floor. The paper’s completely yellowed.
Her – But it’s still legible. After all these years. Can you believe it?
Him – What is it? A comedy? A drama?
Her – We’d have to read it.
Him – Who could have written this?
Her – Someone who lived here before us, I suppose.
Him – Incredible… What if it’s a masterpiece…
Her – It could just as easily be rubbish.
Him – Is it signed?
Her – No… I can’t see an author’s name.
Him – It might be unpublished. An anonymous manuscript, can you imagine? You could sign it and publish it… You’re a publisher. For you, it’d be easy.
Her – That would be plagiarism.
Him – If the author’s dead. And no one knows they wrote it…
Her – I’ll start by reading it…
Him – Isn’t it strange?
Her – What?
Him – We’re leaving this house, and we’re taking someone else’s story with us.
Her – I hope it’s not a tragedy…
Him – At least we didn’t find a body.
Her – It almost makes me want to search…
Him – You think?
Her – Maybe the author’s buried in the cellar…
They leave.
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Dramedies
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Anonymous Author est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

One – Promise me you won’t panic…
Two – What?
One – I barely dare tell you.
Two – I’m already starting to panic.
One – We change the clocks tonight.
Two – No way? Are you sure it’s tonight?
One – They said it on the radio.
Two – But wait… do we move the clock forward an hour or back an hour?
One – That’s exactly why I asked you not to panic.
Two – What now?
One – This year, it’s not one hour, it’s two hours.
Two – No way? They’re trying to kill us…
One – Next year, it will be three hours… and so on.
Two – We’ll be having breakfast at sunset…
One – And going to bed when the sun rises.
Two – It’ll be a topsy-turvy world.
One – We’ll be living on Washington or Tokyo time.
Two – Depends whether we move the little hand forward or back.
One – So?
Two – I still don’t know… They say we’ll gain two hours of sleep.
One – Gain two hours of sleep…? What does that even mean?
Two – That we’ll get up later, I guess.
One – I don’t get it. Especially since they always do it on Saturday night, and anyway, on Sunday, we always get up later.
Two – They’re trying to kill us, I’m telling you.
One – Couldn’t they wait until all the old folks are dead before changing the clocks?
Two – It’s not when we’re dead that we’ll get up later, that’s for sure. We won’t get up at all.
One – They’re a pain… Especially since they got rid of the speaking clock.
Two – So what?
One – Well, if the speaking clock still existed, we could call tomorrow morning to find out the time and set our watch.
Two – I liked the speaking clock.
One – Yeah, it was like company.
Two – Sometimes, when I was bored, I’d call the speaking clock. Just to hear its voice.
One – Yeah, with the speaking clock, you were never alone. You always had someone to talk to.
Two – It didn’t talk back, but still… You could hear a voice.
One – At the fourth beep, it will be exactly…
Two – Was it the fourth beep or the third beep?
One – I can’t remember…
Two – On the radio, it’s the fourth beep.
One – Right after the weather forecast.
Two – They’re a pain, with their weather forecast, every half hour.
One – As if we needed to know the weather twice an hour.
Two – Yeah… If they got rid of the weather on the radio, the shows would be half as long.
One – And what do we care about the weather at the other end of the country?
Two – What we want to know is the weather here.
One – And to know the weather here, all you have to do is look out the window.
Two – The weather, you say… We don’t even know what time it is!
One – They’re a pain, I’m telling you.
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Don’t panic!
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Time est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

One – Promise me you won’t panic…
Two – What?
One – They just announced it on Facebook. Chinese scientists have finally discovered the ultimate secret of the universe.
Two – The ultimate secret of the universe?
One – You know! Where we come from, where we’re going, why there’s something rather than nothing…
Two – What?
One – The Big Bang, black holes, antimatter…!
Two – And?
One – Well, it turns out, none of that actually exists.
Two – Oh, really…
One – We are fictional characters in a gigantic video game, created by an artificial intelligence to entertain the children of a highly advanced civilisation.
Two – Chinese scientists…?
One – Yes, Chinese.
Two – On Facebook?
One – What difference does it make?
Two – None.
One – And that’s all it does to you?
Two – What?
One – This! Finding out we’re fictional characters in a video game. You don’t seem that surprised.
Two – I always suspected it.
One – You always suspected it?
Two – Yeah, I knew… Didn’t you?
One – No… And if you knew, why didn’t you tell me?
Two – I thought you knew.
One – Well, no, I didn’t.
Two – Well, now you know. So, what’s for dinner?
One – What’s for dinner?
Two – I’m starving. Aren’t you?
One – Doesn’t seem to kill your appetite, anyway.
Two – So? What are we eating?
One – After all that, I don’t feel like cooking. I’ll order Chinese.
Two – Fine…
One – But if we’re fictional characters, how can we even be hungry?
Two – Games are super realistic these days. Characters feel all kinds of stuff.
One – You think so?
Two – Look at prehistoric humans. A few tens of thousands of years ago, it was pretty basic. You were hungry, you killed a mammoth and ate it raw. You wanted company for dinner, you knocked a woman out and dragged her back to your cave by the hair. Now…
One – You get married, call Uber Eats, and order Chinese.
Two – We get updated regularly. As technology evolves, so does the game.
One – I never suspected any of this.
Two – Yet it’s pretty obvious.
One – Yeah…
Two – And how did the Chinese figure it out?
One – They noticed a glitch in the game.
Two – A glitch? What kind of glitch?
One – This one. At some point in the game, the characters realise they’re characters in a video game.
Two – Right. So I’m not the first one to figure it out.
One – No.
Two – And are they going to fix the glitch?
One – We don’t know…
Two – Now… is it really a glitch?
One – What do you mean?
Two – Maybe it’s part of the game.
One – I see… The characters themselves gain a kind of self-awareness and realise they were created by a higher power.
Two – Exactly…
One – And what about God in all this?
Two – Einstein said God does not play dice. He never said He doesn’t play video games.
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Don’t panic!
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article The Secret of the Universe est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

One – Promise me you won’t panic…
Two – What?
One – They just announced on the radio that a spacecraft of unknown origin has entered Earth’s orbit.
Two – When you say unknown origin, do you mean they don’t know which country launched it?
One – Apparently, it’s more that they don’t know which planet it came from…
Two – No way?
One – That’s what they said on the radio.
Two – Are they sure?
One – It’s a craft the size of the Eiffel Tower. No country on Earth can launch something that big into space.
Two – The Eiffel Tower? You’re kidding…
One – The size of the Eiffel Tower! I didn’t say it looked like the Eiffel Tower.
Two – Oh, right… Because a UFO shaped like the Eiffel Tower orbiting Earth…
One – So, it doesn’t surprise you that much?
Two – Yes, yes, of course… It’s crazy… Did they say anything?
One – Who?
Two – Well, the Martians… I mean, the aliens.
One – Not yet. We’re still waiting for them to make contact.
Two – Damn… So what do we do?
One – What do you mean, what do we do? What do you expect us to do?
Two – I don’t know…
One – Apart from waiting…
Two – Maybe we should go get some groceries.
One – Groceries? Aliens are landing, and you feel like going shopping!
Two – I’m not talking about shopping! I mean stocking up. Filling the fridge. Taking some cash out.
One – You think?
Two – I don’t know. It’s what our great-grandparents did when they saw the Germans coming, I guess. You’ve got to do something…
One – If everyone does like us, there’s going to be panic.
Two – Yes… But if we don’t do like everyone else, tomorrow we’ll have nothing to eat.
One – What do you think they want?
Two – How should I know? Maybe the same thing Christopher Columbus wanted when he landed in America.
One – That’s not very reassuring.
Two – You think?
One – The Spaniards exterminated the Native Americans and forced the few survivors to convert to Catholicism.
Two – You think these aliens will force us to convert to their own religion?
One – If their civilisation is advanced enough to get here, I imagine they’ve moved past that nonsense.
Two – Yeah…
One – But as for exterminating us and taking our place… unfortunately, that’s a real possibility.
Two – Unless they enslave us, like white people did to Africans.
One – Or put us in cages to fatten us up and eat us, like we did with the descendants of the dinosaurs.
Two – The descendants of the dinosaurs?
One – Chickens!
Two – Chickens are the descendants of dinosaurs?
One – You didn’t know?
Two – No.
One – Or they could put us in zoos so their kids can throw peanuts at us on Sundays.
Two – In the end, everything that aliens could do to humans, humans have already done to other humans.
One – Or to animals.
Two – Yeah… If they’re really that smart, we’re in trouble if they see us as just not very evolved social animals.
One – Like how we see bees.
Two – Except we don’t make honey.
One – No, we’re more the kind to saw off the branch we’re sitting on.
Two – Like termites, eating through the beams until the roof collapses on them.
One – You’re right. I think we’ll go get some supplies to fill the freezer.
Two – Yeah, wouldn’t surprise me if we end up in another lockdown.
One – Let’s get some toilet paper too, just in case.
Two – You’re right. If we’re going to get eaten by aliens, we might as well have clean bums…
One – I’ll go get my credit card…
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Don’t panic!
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Invasion est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.