One – Promise me you won’t panic…
Two – What?
One – I invited the neighbours over for drinks.
Two – No…? You didn’t do that?
One – I don’t know what came over me… We bumped into each other on the stairs. I didn’t know what to say. We started talking about the weather. At some point, I ran out of things to say. I was really embarrassed. And then I heard myself say: “One of these days, you must come over for drinks.”
Two – And what did they say?
One – They answered right away: “Why not Saturday evening?”
Two – Saturday evening?
One – Saturday evening…
Two – And what did you say?
One – I said… alright.
Two – No way?
One – They looked delighted.
Two – But we’ve never invited anyone over for drinks!
One – No.
Two – How are we going to manage?
One – I don’t know.
Two – How do people do it?
One – I have no idea. No one has ever invited us for drinks either.
Two – I think we got invited once, but we said we weren’t available.
One – Yeah… We panicked…
Two – Drinks… I have no idea how we’re going to handle this.
One – First, we need something to drink.
Two – Like what?
One – For drinks… People usually have whisky, I think.
Two – Whisky, you think? And where are we going to find that…?
One – And something to nibble on.
Two – Maybe olives? Once, in a café, I saw people eating olives while drinking whisky.
One – Olives… Black olives or green olives?
Two – You should have asked them which they preferred.
One – I could always call them.
Two – Do you even have their number?
One – I don’t know what came over me. I gave them our number, and they gave me theirs.
Two – You gave them our phone number?
One – A moment of madness…
Two – We’ll get through this, don’t panic.
One – At worst, we can always move out without leaving a forwarding address and change our phone number.
Two – By Saturday?
One – What day is it today?
Two – Friday.
One – That’s going to be tight…
Two – And we just moved in. Last time, we had to move out to avoid the neighbours’ party. And now you’re inviting the new neighbours over for drinks!
One – I know… I’m ashamed…
Two – Look, we’ll get through this together, okay? We’re married, after all. For better or for worse.
One – So we’re not moving out?
Two – Drinks… It can’t be that bad.
One – You think?
Two – No. I was just saying that to make you feel better.
One – I’m going to ask ChatGPT how to host drinks with friends.
Two – With friends?
One – Let’s say with next-door neighbours.
Two – Don’t forget to ask about the olives…
One – The olives…?
Two – Black or green!
One – I’ll also ask for a list of conversation topics.
Two – Good idea. Meanwhile, I’ll look up a moving company and a storage unit.
One – Yes… Just in case we really start to panic…
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Don’t panic!
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Drinks est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

One – Promise me you won’t panic…
Two – What?
One – I just ran into Mr. Martin at the convenience store.
Two – Mr. Martin? But that’s impossible! We buried him last week…
One – That’s why I asked you not to panic. But I have to admit, it was a shock when I saw him.
Two – Are you sure it was him?
One – He waved at me from a distance. But it was definitely him, I swear! I saw him as clearly as I see you now!
Two – Did he say anything?
One – I was so petrified. I didn’t dare go closer.
Two – He couldn’t have come back from the dead.
One – Especially since he was cremated.
Two – Yes… Cremation makes bodily resurrection a lot less likely.
One – Imagine if they had cremated Jesus Christ after the crucifixion.
Two – Rising from the tomb three days later would’ve been a lot less convincing.
One – Can you picture Jesus Christ emerging from his urn…?
Two – Like a genie coming out of a bottle.
One – Yeah, it would have given Christianity a more oriental flair.
Two – I’m not sure the story would have been quite as successful.
One – Anyway, that’s not the point.
Two – So what is the point, exactly?
One – Mr. Martin was cremated, and I just saw him in the frozen food aisle at the convenience store! That’s the point.
Two – It can’t be a miracle. Why would God, if he exists, resurrect Mr. Martin?
One – Yeah, especially since he wasn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed.
Two – You could even say he was a bit of an idiot.
One – And nobody else in the store seemed surprised?
Two – I even heard the cashier say, “Hello, Mr. Martin, how are you today?”
One – In that case, I see only one solution. Mr. Martin isn’t dead.
Two – Not dead? But then… whose funeral did we attend last week?
One – Who knows.
Two – Yet we did receive a death notice, didn’t we?
One – Yes.
Two – Where is that notice?
One – Well… I didn’t keep it. I mean, if I kept every notice I got…
Two – At our age, we are getting more and more of them, aren’t we?
One – Mostly death notices.
Two – So, Mr. Martin isn’t dead.
One – Apparently not.
Two – But then who did die?
One – No idea.
Two – Can you believe it? Someone we know died, we went to their funeral, and we don’t even know who it was.
One – Yes. Someone close enough to us for us to receive a notice.
Two – And since you didn’t keep the notice, there’s no way to find out who it was?
One – That’s really awkward… Imagine bumping into the downstairs neighbour and asking how her husband is doing. Only to realise we attended his funeral a week ago.
Two – And since he was cremated, we can’t even go check the name on the grave.
One – Yeah… I’ve heard of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, but this…
Two – We know the deceased is someone we know, but we have no idea who…
One – Anyway, it’s not Mr. Martin. I definitely saw him at the convenience store.
Two – We’ll just have to make a list of everyone we meet. Eventually, the one we never see again will probably be the one who died.
One – Let’s do that…
Two – We might as well start now. Who else did you see at the convenience store?
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Don’t panic!
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Resurrection est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

One – Promise me you won’t panic…
Two – Honestly, I can’t promise you that.
One – I just found out that the neighbour is a voyeur.
Two – Which neighbour?
One – The one across the street, there!
Two – I can’t see anything.
One – The window, over there.
Two – That’s at least a hundred metres away. How can you tell he’s watching us?
One – With a telescope.
Two – The neighbour is watching us with a telescope?
One – No, not the neighbour, me! I used a telescope. Otherwise, how do you expect me to see that he’s watching us from here?
Two – So you spied on the neighbour with a telescope to find out that he was spying on us.
One – Yeah.
Two – And how does he manage to see us from that far away?
One – With binoculars.
Two – Right… So you’re watching a voyeur with a telescope who’s watching you with binoculars.
One – Otherwise, how else could I tell he was spying on us?
Two – Let me get this straight. The first time you looked at him with the telescope, was he already watching you with the binoculars, or did that come after?
One – After, I think.
Two – Right…
One – I see what you’re getting at…
Two – Maybe when he saw the reflection from your telescope, he thought he was being watched. And since he couldn’t see anything, he went to get his binoculars.
One – In that case, I would be the voyeur.
Two – That’s a real possibility…
One – Or maybe we’re both voyeurs.
Two – Now… a voyeur watching another voyeur… Is that still voyeurism?
One – I need to stop using that telescope.
Two – Sounds like a good idea.
One – On the other hand… I won’t know if he keeps watching us.
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Don’t panic!
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Voyeurs est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.