One character (man or woman) dressed in bright colours is there, seemingly waiting for something or someone. Another character (also gender-neutral), dressed in black, arrives carrying a rucksack and a folding chair. They speak to the first.
Two – Is this the place for extras?
One – Yes. Well, I was told to wait here…
Two – OK.
They unfold their chair and sit down. Then they take a thermos of coffee and a foil-wrapped sandwich out of their rucksack. They unwrap the sandwich and start eating. The other watches with curiosity.
One – I’m guessing this isn’t your first time as an extra.
Two – I’ve done this all my life. My parents signed me up to a casting website at birth, to play premature babies.
One – Premature?
Two – I was born three months early.
One – Do they really cast premature babies as extras?
Two – It’s rare… But then again, there’s not much competition.
One – Got your foot in the door, I suppose.
Two – Then I did adverts for nappies, then cereals, acne creams, mortgages, cosmetic surgery, hearing aids, stairlifts, incontinence pads…
One – From nappies to incontinence pads… now that’s what you call coming full circle.
Two – I’ve just done an ad for funeral plans.
One – Smart move… I guess you have to adapt in this business if you want a long career.
Two – I do telly and film as well, of course.
One – Still as an extra?
Two – Background artist, as they say. I’ve done a few voiceovers too. But yes – either you see me, or you hear me. Never both at once.
One – And you’ve never tried to be an actor? I mean, a real actor… Playing a role, speaking lines… You know, an actor.
Two – I did, at first. Went to a few auditions. Never got picked. Guess my voice doesn’t match my face. So I gave up. Being a proper actor, you know, it’s not all good.
One – Oh really?
Two – Once people see and hear you – at the same time, I mean – they start to recognise you, obviously.
One – And for you, that’s a bad thing…?
Two – The trouble is, you get typecast. Stuck with the same sort of role forever.
One – I see…
Two – In all the crime dramas, you play the forensic pathologist, for example. It’s good to start with – regular work and all that.
One – But after a while, the audience gets bored…
Two – And then no one hires you.
One – Casting directors have no imagination.
Two – Me, you usually only see from the back, or in profile. So naturally, no one recognises me.
One – At least people don’t bother you in restaurants asking for autographs.
Two – Even my building manager doesn’t recognise me. And I give her a Christmas bonus every year. You didn’t recognise me either, for that matter…
One – Have we met?
Two – We crossed paths on the set of that new police drama.
One – Oh yes… The one where that famous weather presenter plays the blind detective.
Two – Blind, but clairvoyant.
One – And you were the forensic pathologist?
Two – I was the bloke the forensic pathologist was autopsying.
One – Sorry, I don’t remember you…
Two – What did I tell you… Even my dad doesn’t always recognise me.
One – Maybe it’s Alzheimer’s…
Two – My father didn’t recognise me at birth. And frankly, I’m not sure he ever has. (Beat) What about you?
One – Me?
Two – Have you been doing this long?
One – Oh, no, me… This is only my second time. Actually, I’m wondering if I should carry on.
Two – We all say that. Then thirty years later, you’re playing a corpse in a funeral insurance ad.
One – Yes… That’s kind of why I’m wondering if I shouldn’t just stop now.
The other pours coffee from their thermos.
Two – Fancy a coffee?
One – No thanks, I’m good.
The other sips their coffee in silence for a moment.
Two – Yep… You start forming little habits before you even realise it.
One – They say Marilyn Monroe used to knit between takes.
Two – And she was a great actress.
The other looks towards the wings.
One – Ah, I think we’re about to start.
Two – When it’s time, it’s time…
They pack up their things to leave.
One – Do you know what we’re doing today? They forgot to tell me.
Two – I figured as much. Otherwise, I imagine you’d have dressed differently.
One – I thought that by wearing bright colours, I might stand out.
Two – Well, in that case, mission accomplished.
One – Oh, yeah…?
Two – We’re playing the anonymous crowd at a celebrity’s funeral.
The other looks around.
One – So far, it’s just the two of us.
Two – It’s a low-budget film…
They start to walk off.
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Backstage Bits
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Background Work est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

One character (man or woman) is present. Their phone rings, they answer the call.
One – Yes, Cindy… Who? Oh, right, I’d completely forgotten about him. What a pain… No, no, let him in, otherwise he’ll never leave me alone…
A pause, during which they check their phone screen. Another character enters (also gender-neutral).
One – Ah, my dear friend! Come in, come in.
Two – Thanks for seeing me like this, unannounced.
One – Well, I am your agent. My door is always open…
Two – I’ve been trying to get an appointment for the past three weeks. No success…
One – Sorry. I’ve been very busy lately.
Two – So I decided to just show up. Without an appointment.
One – And you did the right thing. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?
Two – It really has
One – I think the last time was… Actually, I can’t remember at all…
Two – Wasn’t it at the funeral of that actor who starved to death after waiting three years for his agent to get him a role? Even just a bread-and-butter one…
One – Still joking, I see. Good to know you haven’t lost your sense of humour.
Two – Don’t count on it lasting, just so you know.
One – So then, what brings you here today?
Two – What brings me here? You’ve been promising me a film role for months. I’m still waiting…
One – It’s tricky at the moment. Things are tough, you know…
Two – You just told me you were very busy.
One – Lots of projects have been shelved due to lack of funding. Even ones with big names…
Two – And what about the French cultural exception? Those cosy subsidies the whole world admires — while they balloon the national deficit?
One – Subsidies are drying up, believe me. Back in the day, all you needed was to know a secretary at the Ministry of Culture to get advance funding. You could shoot any old rubbish and screen it in empty cinemas without risking a cent. These days, you practically have to know the Minister — and the Minister changes every three months!
Two – Or we could just try making good films. Ones people actually want to see. Ones that pay for themselves.
One – Unfortunately, in France, success is synonymous with vulgarity.
Two – Exactly. “Popular” or “mainstream” have become dirty words. And it’s with the taxes of the poor that we make films that impress the bourgeoisie.
One – You know what they say: subsidised culture, a culture of subsidies…
Two – Still, films are being made, right?
One – Yes… Mostly comedies. Frankly, a load of old rubbish.
Two – I’d rather be in rubbish than not act at all. Plenty of great actors built their careers on rubbish films.
One – Yes… But comedy…
Two – What?
One – Well, let’s be honest. You’re not exactly what you’d call a comic actor.
Two – Oh really? And why’s that?
One – I don’t know… It’s just that… when people look at you, laughing isn’t exactly their first reaction.
Two – What about television, then? Arte only shows depressing stuff. Surely you could find me something that suits me.
One – Arte… It’s mostly co-productions. With the Germans, mainly. And when it comes to gloomy actors, believe me, the Germans are already well stocked. Do you speak German?
Two – No.
A pause.
One – I might be able to get you an advert. At a push.
Two – An advert?
One – Given the current climate… It’s better than nothing. You’d still be on telly.
Two – An advert for what?
One – Strasbourg sausages.
Two – I’m vegetarian.
One – Then it really would be acting…
Two – An ad for sausages… And what’s the role?
One – A bloke eating sausages. In Strasbourg.
Two – Right…
One – Interested?
Two – Let’s go with the sausages.
One – Of course, there’ll be an audition.
Two – Of course.
One – And they say agents are useless!
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Backstage Bits
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article To Earn a Living est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.