One – Promise me you won’t panic…
Two – What?
One – There’s a metre of water in the hold.
Two – You told me earlier there was barely ten centimetres.
One – Yes. But now the water’s up to my knee.
Two – Oh my God! Does that mean we’re sinking?
One – That’s why I told you not to panic.
A pause.
Two – I mean, we’re only on a small canal. It’s not exactly the Titanic.
One – No.
Two – Worst case, we’ll just look like fools.
One – Yeah… There are already quite a few people watching us.
Two – Go back and check the hold.
One – OK.
The first one disappears. The second one smiles, trying to stay calm. The first returns.
Two – Well?
One – Now it’s up to my neck.
Two – Yes, I can feel we’re sinking… (A pause) The deck is already underwater.
One – It’s too late to head back to shore.
Two – So what do we do?
One – There are more and more people watching…
Two – Let’s at least try to keep our dignity.
One – You’re right.
Two – Smile!
One – I’m doing my best here.
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Don’t panic!
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Shipwreck est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

One – Promise me you won’t panic…
Two – What?
One – There’s a wasp sitting on your ear.
Two – Oh my God! I’m allergic to wasp stings. Last time, I ended up in the emergency room. I nearly died.
One – Exactly why I told you not to panic.
Two – So, what should I do?
One – Above all, no sudden movements. It might just fly off the way it came.
Two – I can feel it now…
One – Yes, it moved. Looks like it’s trying to get into your ear.
Two – That’s horrible…
One – Yes. Absolutely terrifying.
Two – I preferred it when you were telling me not to panic.
One – Yes, but now I’m the one panicking…
Two – You should be telling the wasp not to panic. Because if it panics, it’s going to sting me.
One – I can’t see it anymore.
Two – Did it leave?
One – Or it went into your ear. Can you feel anything?
Two – No…
One – Ah, I see it coming out.
Two – Good thing it didn’t decide to build a wasp nest in my ear.
One – Do wasps make honey?
Two – No. Maybe that’s why we’re less forgiving when they sting.
One – If it makes you feel better, if it stings you, it’ll die too.
Two – Sorry?
One – Wasps die after they sting, right?
Two – I think it’s bees that die after stinging.
One – What’s the point of stinging to defend yourself if you die afterwards?
Two – I suppose it’s to protect the hive. Bees are social insects. It’s a kind of sacrifice.
One – Like a soldier sacrificing himself to save his country.
Two – Fortunately, not all soldiers die after firing a shot.
One – Would you sacrifice yourself to save me?
Two – I should say yes… but the truth is, I don’t know.
One – At least you’re honest.
Two – What’s the wasp doing now?
One – It’s rubbing its hands. I mean, its legs. Like bees do after collecting pollen from a flower.
Two – First time I’ve been pollinated by a wasp.
One – And yet you don’t make pollen.
Two – Luckily. I’m also allergic to pollen.
One – Are you sure wasps don’t make honey?
Two – Yes. But ears do make wax.
One – That must be why it’s rubbing its legs.
Two – Are you sure it’s not a bee?
One – I’m not sure. Yes, maybe it’s a bee. (Approaching) Oh my God! It looks like it’s pulling out its…
Two – Its what?
One – Its sting!
Two – I’m going to die…
The other slaps them hard on the ear.
One – Sorry…
Two – Are you out of your mind!
The other looks down.
One – Phew! It’s dead. I feel kind of bad… Especially if it was a bee.
Two – Still… it was either it or me.
One – Yeah…
Two – In a way, you saved my life.
One – Yes…
Two – What?
One – I said yes…
Two – I can’t hear anything anymore. Do you think it stung me anyway? I think my ear is starting to swell, and I hear a sort of buzzing…
One – Don’t worry, it must be the slap…
Two – Are you sure?
One – No… I just said that to reassure you. But we’d better call the emergency services…
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Don’t panic!
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article The Bees est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.