L’article Terminus est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

Ethan and Eve.
Ethan – We’re still here.
Eve – Where else could we be?
Ethan – We could no longer be here.
Eve – Where would we be?
Ethan – We wouldn’t be.
Eve – Or maybe we’d be someone else.
Ethan – I’d be you, and you’d be me?
Eve – But we’d still be here.
Ethan – We’re here.
Eve – We’re in paradise.
Ethan – We’re in hell.
Eve – We’re on Earth.
Ethan – For eternity.
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

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A sketch from the collection Ethan and Eve
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Permanence est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

Ethan and Eve.
Ethan – What’s happening to us?
Eve – Nothing. Nothing has happened to us.
Ethan – Then what’s going on?
Eve – Nothing. Time has passed.
Ethan – Are we old?
Eve – That’s it.
Ethan – How did it happen?
Eve – Gradually.
Ethan – And now we’re just noticing.
Eve – It’s the first time it’s happened to us.
Ethan – What?
Eve – Being old.
Ethan – Next time, we’ll pay more attention.
Eve – Yes.
Ethan – Do you think it’ll pass?
Eve – I don’t know.
Ethan – We just need to wait.
Eve – It’ll pass.
Ethan – Look at me—I’ve got no hair left on my head.
Eve – Last year, the trees had no leaves. And look now!
Ethan – They’re growing back.
Eve – Our hair will grow back too.
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Ethan and Eve
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Old est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

Ethan and Eve, in their garden.
Ethan – The air’s a bit better today, isn’t it?
Eve – Yes. Almost makes me want to go out without my gas mask.
Ethan – Not sure that’s a great idea, though.
Eve – What do they say on the radio?
Ethan – Slight cooling: 48 to 52 in the north, moderate easterly winds with fine particles, acid rain likely later in the day.
Eve – I’ll take an umbrella.
Ethan – Just don’t stay out too long, though.
Eve – Do you remember when we could spend whole days lying on the grass in a park? Without climate-controlled suits?
Ethan – I still can’t figure out how we got here.
Eve – I think it really sped up after that lunatic got elected in the US.
Ethan – But it started long before that.
Eve – The real question is: where does it end?
Ethan – We should do something, but what?
Eve – We could stop breathing…
Ethan – That would solve all our problems, wouldn’t it?
Eve – I’ll take my gas mask, just in case.
Ethan – Good idea. Well, have a good day.
Eve – You too.
Eve leaves.
Ethan – Maybe we shouldn’t joke about this…
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Ethan and Eve
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Atmosphere est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

Ethan is reading a newspaper. Eve is dozing.
Ethan – Did you see? China gave up its one-child policy.
Eve – Here we go again… As if there weren’t already enough of us.
Ethan – And all that pollutes, pollutes.
Eve – Especially with their coal-fired power plants.
Ethan – Nuclear’s dangerous, but at least it’s clean.
A pause.
Eve – Imagine if, instead of the one-child policy, China adopted a zero-child policy. There’d be no more Chinese in a generation.
Ethan – You’d still have to wait for all the old Chinese to die.
Eve – Alright, let’s say a hundred years, then.
Ethan – Even so, there are a lot of centenarians in China.
Eve – Even centenarians die eventually.
Ethan – Isn’t it Japan that has all the centenarians?
Eve – Yes, maybe.
Ethan – One thing’s for sure: fewer Chinese means less pollution.
Eve – But there’d still be over a billion Indians.
Ethan – We’d need to do the same in India.
Eve – And in Africa.
Ethan – And the United States.
Eve – Actually, we’d have to do it everywhere.
Ethan – If there were no humans at all, pollution would be permanently solved. At least the planet would breathe easier.
Eve – No kids, like us—that’s the only solution.
Ethan – That’s what the Cathars used to say.
Eve – Wait, the Cathars were environmentalists?
Ethan – Well, they were against reproduction.
Eve – They were absolutely right.
Ethan – In a way, we’re like Cathars.
Eve – Yes… At least our kids won’t add to the carbon footprint.
Ethan – When they invent energy-efficient kids…
Eve – Low-consumption kids.
Ethan – And fully recyclable ones.
Eve – Yeah, I’m not holding my breath for that.
Ethan – Want some more wine? It’s organic.
Eve – If it’s organic, then sure…
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Ethan and Eve
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Zero est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

Ethan and Eve.
Ethan – Feels good to be on holiday…
Eve – Finally!
Ethan – Not thinking about anything.
Eve – Not doing anything.
Ethan – Not seeing anyone.
Eve – Absolute bliss.
A pause.
Ethan – This place really is the middle of nowhere.
Eve – Isn’t that what we wanted? Peace and quiet.
Ethan – We’ve definitely got the quiet part.
Eve – No computer…
Ethan – No phone.
Eve – Not that there’s any signal out here anyway.
A pause.
Eve – Do you think we’ll last three weeks?
Ethan – The first three days might be tough. Like quitting smoking. After that, we’ll be fine.
Eve – You have to admit, it’s beautiful here.
Ethan – Yeah. It’s really paradise.
Eve – The perfect place to rest and forget everything.
Ethan – Makes you wonder how we survive in the city all year long.
Eve – True, a bit of greenery…
Ethan – At least we can breathe.
Eve – And this silence…
Silence.
Ethan – Almost hurts your ears.
Eve – Yeah… when you’re not used to it.
Ethan – And what a change of scenery.
Eve – Absolutely.
A pause.
Ethan – Haven’t we been here before?
Eve – Here? We’d remember…
Ethan – Then again, the countryside… It all looks the same, doesn’t it?
Eve – Yeah.
A pause.
Ethan – It’s really isolated, though.
Eve – Well, no noisy neighbours to worry about.
Ethan – It’s almost unsettling… What if something happened?
Eve – What could possibly happen? We’re on holiday.
Ethan – I don’t know… A domestic accident…
Eve – Well, just be careful washing the lettuce, then.
Ethan – A brain haemorrhage… A heart attack… By the time the paramedics got here…
Eve – You’re right—we should’ve packed a defibrillator.
Ethan – You think?
Eve – We live such hectic lives all year. It’d be ironic to have a heart attack now. It doesn’t get more peaceful than this!
Ethan – That’s the problem—our hearts aren’t used to it. All this oxygen at once… Feels like I’ve smoked a joint.
Eve – Still, it’s nice to have room to breathe. Not being crammed into an office like battery chickens.
Ethan – Or packed like sardines on the metro.
Eve – Not even a cow around here.
Ethan looks down at the ground.
Ethan – Our only immediate neighbours are the ants.
Eve (also glancing at the ground) – And they seem to be hard at work.
Ethan – Yeah, they’re really going for it.
Eve – Look at that one, carrying the corpse of a dragonfly three times its size.
Ethan – Maybe a dragonfly on holiday, bored to death by all the peace and quiet.
Eve – Or one that had a stroke before help could arrive.
Ethan – Either way, they never stop.
Eve – Makes you wonder if they’re overdoing it a bit.
Ethan – Ants don’t do holidays.
Eve – True. Paid leave is a human thing.
Ethan – Then again, some animals are real slackers.
Eve – Oh yeah?
Ethan – Mammals, in general, are kind of lazy.
Eve – Sloths are mammals, right?
Ethan – Well, humans are mammals too.
Eve – Oh, really?
Ethan – You don’t lay eggs, do you?
Eve – It’s mostly insects that are always working.
Ethan – Social insects, as they say… Ants, bees, termites…
Eve – Yeah… Working nonstop, 365 days a year. They couldn’t care less that we’re on holiday.
Ethan – Actually, they couldn’t care less if we exist at all.
Eve – They live alongside us, completely ignoring us.
Ethan – I’d say they downright despise us. We don’t bother them at all.
Eve – Humans have managed to wipe out almost all wild mammals. The rest, we’ve turned into domestic slaves or red meat. But insects? They’re still here, going about their business. As if we weren’t even there.
Ethan – Not to mention the birds.
Eve – What about the birds?
Ethan – Hear them singing? Feels like they’re mocking us.
Eve – If only we could understand what they’re saying…
Ethan – I think I’ve got an idea.
Eve – What?
Ethan – They’re probably saying: “We’re dinosaurs, and we’re still here.”
Eve – “You’re the ones going extinct… and we couldn’t care less…”
Ethan – Do you think the dinosaurs will go back to their original size once humans are gone?
Eve – Maybe. They’re lying low because we’re here.
Ethan – Waiting for their chance to become monsters again.
Eve – Good thing we won’t be around to see it…
A pause.
Ethan – You know, I’m pretty sure we’ve been here on holiday before.
Eve – When?
Ethan – Wasn’t it last year?
Eve – Oh, yeah, maybe… But it was busier, wasn’t it?
Ethan – And there were fewer ants…
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Ethan and Eve
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Lazy Days est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

In one corner, a champagne bucket with a bottle and two flutes. Eve waits, showing signs of impatience. The doorbell rings.
Ethan (off) – Eve? It’s me… Are you there? (Ethan enters from outside, carrying a briefcase. He moves to give his wife a kiss, but she pulls away.) Sorry… An urgent client meeting…
Eve – A man or a woman?
He decides not to respond.
Ethan – Is something wrong?
Eve – Oh no, everything’s fine… Just our wedding anniversary, and my husband forgot. Other than that, I’m great.
Ethan turns and notices the champagne bottle.
Ethan – Oh, crap…
Eve – Thanks… At least you’re not pretending.
Ethan – I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant…
Eve – Last year, you came home at ten. But at least you had a bouquet of flowers.
Ethan – I passed by the florist; it was already closed.
Eve – You forgot our wedding anniversary…
Ethan – I didn’t forget! I thought about it all day… It just slipped my mind for a second, that’s all.
Eve – Of course…
He sets down his briefcase and removes his jacket.
Ethan – I had a hellish day, seriously… A client rescheduled a meeting at the last minute. That American I told you about, remember?
Eve – On a day like this, you could’ve asked someone else to cover for you.
Ethan – I was the only one in the office! And it’s an important account…
Eve – You could have called me…
Ethan – I lost my phone. Honestly, I don’t know what happened to it…
Eve – You always have an answer for everything, don’t you?
Ethan – I’m telling you the truth, nothing else.
Eve – Listen, Ethan, we’ve been married ten years, and we’re living in a show apartment…
Ethan – It’s temporary…
Eve – That’s the problem… We’ve been stuck in “temporary” for ten years.
Ethan – This apartment is fine. And we’re not bothered by neighbours…
Eve – That’s because there aren’t any. We’re the only ones living on the top floor of an unfinished tower block.
Ethan – At least the lift works…
Eve – Every morning before leaving for work, we have to hide all our personal belongings. We can’t leave anything lying around, so we don’t disturb the visitors coming through all day.
Ethan – We’re both out during the day anyway…
Eve – Even my mum’s photo has to go in a drawer! Heaven forbid it scares off potential buyers…
Ethan – But we don’t pay rent…
Eve – Even that’s too expensive for me, Ethan.
Ethan – We’ve got a terrace! (Gestures towards the audience.) Just look at that view! (Seeing she’s unimpressed.) Anyway, something smells amazing… What have you cooked for us?
Eve – You’re too late, Ethan. The champagne’s warm, and the turkey’s cold.
Ethan – Come on, I’m here now! (He grabs his briefcase.) Let me just put this away, and we’ll have a lovely evening, alright?
He exits. She picks up the bottle from the bucket, then drops it back in. She looks toward the audience, her attention caught by something. She takes out a pair of opera glasses to get a better look. Ethan’s phone starts ringing in his jacket pocket. She sets the glasses down, hesitates, then retrieves the phone and answers it.
Eve – Hello…? Yes… No, it’s his wife. Alright. Oh, really? No, no… Very well, I’ll let him know… (She ends the call but, intrigued, checks the phone’s messages.) Unbelievable… That bastard…
Ethan returns.
Ethan – Ten years already… Can you believe it? Feels like yesterday…
Eve – I thought you said you lost your phone…
Ethan – I did… or at least I thought I did…
Eve – Do you think I’m stupid?
Ethan – Why are you saying that?
Eve – Your phone just rang. It was in your jacket pocket.
Ethan – What? No way…
Eve – I answered. It was your secretary…
Ethan – Oh, right… What did she want?
Eve – She’s been trying to reach you all day. Funny thing—she said she was at the office all afternoon and didn’t see you there.
Ethan – I never said I met my American client at the office. He asked me to meet him at…
Eve – Don’t bother. Your secretary called to say your meeting with the American was cancelled. He had a stroke last night…
Ethan – You didn’t let me finish… He asked me to meet him this afternoon at the hospital.
Eve – Strange, because she said he died this morning.
Ethan – Listen, let me explain…
Eve – You’re having an affair. And you waited until our wedding anniversary to tell me.
Ethan – Not at all, I…
Eve – And I was about to tell you I’m pregnant!
Ethan – What? You’re pregnant? That’s amazing!
Eve – I’m leaving you, Ethan.
Ethan – It’s not what you think, I swear…
Eve – Oh, really? And what about those texts I saw on your phone?
Ethan – Texts…
Eve – Yes, the ones you didn’t delete in time… “I want you. Meet me where you know.” Pretty clear, isn’t it?
He looks rattled but collects himself.
Ethan – It’s a code.
Eve – Excuse me?
Ethan – It’s true. I’ve been lying to you for years, Eve. I admit it.
Eve – Finally…
Ethan – I lead a double life, yes. But I’ve never cheated on you… with a woman.
Eve – Don’t tell me, after all these years, you’re gay.
Ethan – No, don’t worry. It’s not what you think. The truth is…
Eve – Yes?
Ethan – This isn’t easy to say…
Eve – Let me help you. I’m a bastard?
Ethan – I’m a secret agent.
Eve – A secret agent?
Ethan – Well, secret… until today.
Eve – You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?
Ethan – Not at all.
Eve – A secret agent? A spy? That’s the best you’ve got?
Ethan – I wasn’t allowed to tell you, obviously. Or anyone. But now… since our marriage is at stake, I had to tell you.
Eve – Alright… And who do you work for? The CIA? Your American was your boss, and the KGB eliminated him, disguising his assassination as a stroke, am I right?
Ethan – I work… for the Mossad.
Eve – The Mossad?
Ethan – Yes… The Israeli secret service, if you prefer…
Eve – You’re not even Jewish!
Ethan – In a way, yes…
Eve – If you were Jewish, don’t you think I’d know by now? I’m your wife!
Ethan – Appearances can be deceiving, Eve… It’s a bit more complicated than that. It’s… my maternal grandmother, you see…
Eve – That’s pathetic. You need help, Ethan. Serious help. You’re delusional.
Ethan – I swear, Eve. Please believe me.
Eve – You’re a compulsive liar, Ethan. Years of lies about everything and nothing. And now you’re telling me you’re an Israeli spy when you’re not even circumcised? And now you expect me to believe this?
Ethan – This time, I’m not lying, I promise.
Eve – This time? You’ve disappointed me, Ethan. Deeply. I never thought you took me for such a fool.
Ethan – You remember our honeymoon in Eilat, on the Red Sea, when I spent an hour in the customs office at the airport?
Eve – Because you didn’t recognise your own suitcase, which had been going round the carousel for an hour, and they called in the bomb squad to blow it up?
Ethan – That’s when they approached me to join them.
Eve – Them? Who’s them?
Ethan – The Mossad!
Eve (holding up the phone) – “I want you. Meet me where you know.” Let me guess—that was your imaginary Mossad contact?
Ethan – It’s a code, I swear. For a meeting.
Eve – A meeting. Yes, I got that part.
Ethan – It’s to avoid suspicion. In case the messages are intercepted. “I want you” means I need to see you. “Where you know” means…
Eve – Where you know.
Ethan – Exactly.
Eve – That won’t cut it this time, Ethan.
Ethan – What more do you want?
Eve – Proof, for starters.
Ethan – I don’t have any, alright?
Eve – Of course.
Ethan – This isn’t a regular job! Everything’s done without leaving a trace. You understand?
Eve – But you don’t work for free, do you? Spies must make a decent living. And yet you’ve got me living in a show apartment?
Ethan – The money’s in a numbered account. I’ll only have access to it once I retire.
Eve seems utterly lost.
Eve – And you expect me to buy that?
Ethan – Yes, Eve… For us… For our child. I beg you to believe me… Because it’s the truth!
She hesitates.
Eve – I don’t know what to say, Ethan. I’m tired. I’m going to bed…
Ethan – You’re right. I understand you need time to process this. But for now, don’t tell anyone—not even your mother. This has to stay between us, otherwise…
She flips him off and exits. He notices the opera glasses she left on the table. Surprised, he picks them up and starts inspecting something towards the audience. At first out of curiosity, then with growing intensity.
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Ethan and Eve
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Alibi est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Ethan and Eve
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Improv est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

Ethan and Eve take turns standing before an urn, each inserting a ballot.
Eve – So, who did you vote for?
Ethan – May I remind you, it’s a secret ballot…
Eve – Isn’t that a bit ridiculous?
Ethan – Ridiculous? Why?
Eve – There’s only two of us!
Ethan – So?
Eve – Since we both know who we voted for, I’ll obviously know which one you picked when we count the votes.
Ethan – Well, yes…
Eve – Honestly, what’s the point of electing a representative?
Ethan – To represent both of us!
Eve – To whom?
Ethan – To each other!
Eve – So, who did you vote for?
Ethan – Myself. And you?
Eve – Me too.
Ethan – You mean you voted for me as well?
Eve – No, I voted for myself.
Ethan – Right… So, with proportional representation, we’ll each represent ourselves.
Eve – Fine… So no need to count the votes?
Ethan – Of course we should!
Eve – Why bother?
Ethan – I don’t have to take your word for it.
Eve – Fine, let’s do it.
Ethan – Wait a moment!
Eve – Now what?
Ethan – It’s not quite eight o’clock yet…
A pause.
Eve – So, what’s your platform?
Ethan – I was thinking… we could open a bed and breakfast.
Eve – A bed and breakfast? Why?
Ethan – I don’t know. To develop tourism…
Eve – But there’s just the two of us.
Ethan – True…
Eve – We could add a guest room.
Ethan – But as you said: there’s only two of us.
Eve – You could sleep there sometimes…
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Ethan and Eve
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Secret est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

Ethan and Eve are still there.
Ethan – It’s crazy. Everything grows in this garden.
Eve – We don’t even need to plant seeds.
Ethan – Or water it.
Eve – The harvest is miraculous—we just stretch out our arms to pick the fruit.
Ethan – And bend down to gather the vegetables.
Eve – And everything’s completely organic.
Ethan – Yeah… What does that even mean?
Eve – What?
Ethan – Organic.
Eve – No idea.
Ethan – What would fruit and vegetables that aren’t organic even look like?
Eve – I don’t know.
Ethan – Anyway, it’s organic.
A pause.
Eve – Sometimes, I get a bit tired of eating vegetables. Don’t you?
Ethan – Yeah. But what else could we eat?
Eve – What else is there to eat here, besides fresh produce?
Ethan – We’re not going to eat dirt…
Eve – We’re not going to eat air.
Ethan – We’re not going to drink seawater.
Eve – And eating each other’s out of the question.
Ethan – Obviously not…
A pause.
Eve – We could… eat the animals.
Ethan – The animals?
Eve – No, I’m kidding.
Silence.
Ethan – Then again, it might taste good.
Eve – You think?
Ethan – Doesn’t sound very appetising, though.
Eve – But it would make a nice change.
Ethan – How do we know it’s not good…
Eve – We’ve never tried.
Ethan – And… would we eat them alive?
Eve – What do you mean, alive?
Ethan – You know, like we do with fruit.
Eve – You mean raw.
Ethan – That’s it. Natural, you know. Like a salad.
Eve – Do you think they’d let us eat them raw?
Ethan – Yeah, maybe we’d have to kill them first.
Eve – Kill them?
An awkward silence.
Ethan – Have you ever killed anyone?
Eve – You mean, an animal?
Ethan – Yeah. Not a human. Since it’s just the two of us, if you’d killed someone, I wouldn’t be here to ask.
Eve – No… Well, not intentionally…
Ethan – If it’s accidental, it’s not so bad, right?
Eve – Yeah, it’s… involuntary manslaughter.
Ethan – If we accidentally killed an animal, we could eat it. You know, just to see what it tastes like.
Eve – Yeah… If it was accidental…
A pause.
Ethan – This conversation is starting to scare me…
Eve – Me too…
Ethan – And anyway, animals are like us. There’s only one pair of each species.
Eve – If we eat one each, that species is extinct.
Ethan – I think I’ll just have some more salad.
They each munch on a leaf of salad, without much appetite.
Eve – Want an apple for dessert?
Ethan – Go on, then…
They eat an apple.
Eve – I’m getting a bit tired of apples.
Ethan – Yeah… Me too…
Eve – Oh, there was a maggot in this apple.
Ethan – No way?
Eve – Well, I’ve eaten half of it. Without meaning to…
Ethan – And?
Eve – Not bad, to be honest…
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Ethan and Eve
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Meat est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

The garden might have shrunk. Eve is seated. Ethan is pacing around.
Ethan – This garden is not very big, is it?
Eve – It’s big enough for the two of us.
Ethan – Wasn’t it a bit bigger before?
Eve – Before?
Ethan – Or maybe we’ve grown.
Eve – I don’t know.
Ethan – Sometimes, I wish there was a bit more space.
Eve – What for?
Ethan – To stretch my legs, for a start.
Eve – Fair enough…
Ethan – And, I don’t know… To have something left to explore. To still have things to discover…
Eve – ou could always look closer… discover the details.
Ethan – The details?
Eve – The little things.
Ethan – Hmm.
Eve – Things you don’t immediately see with the naked eye.
Ethan – What can’t you see with the naked eye?
Eve – Well, a four-leaf clover, for instance.
Ethan – Do four-leaf clovers even exist?
Eve – I don’t know. Probably.
Ethan – Sometimes I wonder if life’s worth living.
Eve – You could look for a four-leaf clover.
Ethan – But what for, for God’s sake?
Eve – To give it to me, for example.
Ethan – Hmm.
Eve – It’d bring us luck.
Ethan – You think?
Eve – At the very least, it’d keep you busy.
Ethan – I don’t know.
Silence.
Eve – Then again, maybe you’re right…
Ethan – About what?
Eve – Well… We’re bored, aren’t we?
Ethan – Yeah, that’s exactly what I was saying.
Eve – It’s true, we know this garden by heart…
Ethan – That’s probably why it feels smaller and smaller.
Eve – If only we could go on holiday sometimes.
Ethan – On holiday? Where to?
Eve – Somewhere else…
Ethan – But elsewhere is…
Eve – Yes… We’re surrounded by water, and we can’t swim.
A pause.
Ethan – Weren’t there more of us before?
Eve – Before what?
Ethan – I don’t know.
Eve – More of us? You mean three?
Ethan – Three, four… More, I guess.
Eve – More of you and more of me? I don’t know.
Ethan – Feels like there were more people.
Eve – Where?
Ethan – Around us!
Eve – Maybe.
Ethan – So where have they gone?
Eve – More people? Are you sure?
Ethan – I was just wondering if…
Eve – If what?
Ethan – Are we the first… or the last?
Eve – For now, at least, it’s just the two of us…
A pause.
Ethan –Sometimes I feel like I was all alone at the start.
Eve – At the start…
Ethan – I think you only came along later.
Eve – Oh, really?
Ethan – Yeah.
Eve – So you were the first.
Ethan – Yeah.
Eve – Then maybe you’ll be the first to leave too.
Ethan – Leave? Where to?
Eve – I don’t know. Where was I before I got here?
Ethan – That…
Eve – Maybe on the other side of the sea.
Ethan – Or at the bottom of it.
Eve – I don’t even know how deep it is.
Ethan – What’s certain is we can’t walk on water.
Eve – When we tried, we almost drowned.
A pause.
Ethan – It’s strange, though.
Eve – What?
Ethan – I’ve never known anyone but you.
Eve – Known, as in…
Ethan – You know what I mean!
Eve – Would you like to know someone other than me?
Ethan – Not especially, but… just to know it’s possible. Wouldn’t you like to know someone else?
Eve – I’ve never really thought about it. Maybe.
Ethan – To know we have a choice.
Eve – Not to settle for the first choice… but to prefer the second one?
Ethan – We didn’t exactly choose, did we? Since it’s just the two of us.
Eve – Of course.
Ethan – How can we know if we’re really meant for each other?
Eve – With just the two of us, we must be meant for each other.
Ethan – True, obviously…
A pause.
Eve – Imagine more of us in this tiny garden…
Ethan – Yeah, it’d be a squeeze with three of us.
Eve – We’re already so cramped.
Ethan – Three… I think I’d really lose it.
Eve – Go on, find me a four-leaf clover instead…
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Ethan and Eve
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Face to face est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

Ethan paces back and forth in front of Eve, who is seated. Finally, he decides to speak.
Ethan – Do you know something?
Eve – No.
He resumes pacing, then stops in front of her again.
Ethan – If you did know something, you’d tell me.
Eve – Of course… And you? Do you know something?
Ethan – Nothing. I know nothing.
A pause.
Eve – Not knowing anything… it’s unbearable.
Ethan – But if we did know, wouldn’t that be worse?
Eve – Who knows?
Ethan – You’re right. Maybe it’s better not to know too much.
Eve – Yes… But knowing absolutely nothing?
Ethan – It’s true… We know nothing.
Eve – Absolutely nothing.
Ethan – We don’t even know how to swim.
Eve – No…
Ethan – And we don’t know how to walk on water.
Eve – We don’t know how to tie our shoes.
Ethan – We don’t have any shoes.
Eve – We don’t know what time it is.
Ethan – We don’t know what day it is.
Eve – We can’t read.
Ethan – What good would it do? We don’t have any books.
Eve – If we wanted books, we’d have to write them ourselves.
Ethan – And we don’t know how to write.
Eve – And all that just to have one single reader.
A pause.
Ethan – What do we know?
Eve – We must know something, surely…
Ethan – Let me think… Ah, yes. We know how to count.
Eve – Oh, that’s true. We can count.
Ethan – Shall we count again? Just to make sure we haven’t forgotten?
Eve – OK. Go ahead, start.
Ethan – One.
Eve – Plus one.
Ethan – That makes two.
Eve – That’s right.
A pause.
Ethan – And after two, what comes next?
Eve – I don’t know.
Ethan – Two… That’s enough for now, isn’t it?
Eve – Yes. For now.
She stands slowly, her movement revealing her pregnancy.
Ethan – As long as it’s just the two of us…
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Ethan and Eve
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Three est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

A place resembling a garden, perhaps Eden or a town square. Eve is there. Ethan enters. They might be dressed in Adam and Eve-style attire—or not. He circles her a little, hesitating before extending his hand.
Ethan – Hi, I’m Ethan.
She shakes his hand.
Eve – Eve.
A pause.
Ethan – Do you shag?
Eve – I’m not certain…
Ethan – You don’t know how?
Eve – That too, yes.
Ethan – Neither do I, actually. You’re the first woman I’ve ever met.
Eve – Same here… You’re the first…
Ethan – Well, not just the first woman—I mean the first person.
Eve – The first person?
Ethan – I didn’t even know it would be a woman.
Eve – Right…
Ethan – So?
Eve – I’m not sure about this…
Ethan – You’re not sure?
Eve – Do you realise what we’re about to set in motion?
Ethan – No…
Eve – It could be the beginning of something completely beyond our control.
Ethan – The beginning of…
Eve – A chain reaction.
Ethan – Like… something atomic?
Eve – It might turn into quite a story.
Ethan – What kind of story?
Eve – The story of humanity! Our child would be the start of an endless lineage.
Ethan – I was just talking about a quick shag.
Eve – Billions and billions of humans who’ll have to work to earn their bread by the sweat of their brows. Because, let’s be honest, there’s barely enough here for two.
Ethan – Exactly… It’s mostly just salad and apples.
Eve – So obviously, they’ll have to start working, all those bastards. Working the land.
Ethan – That’s true.
Eve – And then, they’ll fight each other to own that land.
Ethan – Very possible.
Eve – Generations of brats happily massacring each other over the centuries.
Ethan – Yeah…
Eve – And, of course, they’ll start shagging too. Multiplying. Proliferating more and more.
Ethan – No doubt.
Eve – And eventually destroying this little slice of paradise with their waste, their farts, their burps, and their greenhouse gases.
Ethan – When you put it like that, it’s not exactly a turn-on.
Eve – No, not at all.
Ethan – And you’re sure that…
Eve – Oh yes.
Ethan – Right…
Eve – We’d end up creating generations and generations of kids with Oedipal issues! Kids dreaming every night of killing their parents. Some might even follow through.
Ethan – Oh, right… So, what do we do?
Eve – I think I’ll take a bit more time to think about it.
Ethan – Alright, well… Let me know… (He’s about to leave.) Unless… I could be careful.
Eve – Careful… They all say that…
Ethan – All?
Eve – You don’t actually believe you’re the first, do you?
Ethan – Well, no, not exactly, but… At the same time, there’s only the two of us.
Eve – Oh, really?
Ethan – Well, yes… Ethan and Eve…
Eve – I see… So, it was you?
Ethan – Me?
Eve – Last time. It was you again…
Ethan – Looks like it.
Eve – You didn’t leave much of an impression.
Ethan – Well, maybe that’s a good thing…
Eve – Is it?
Ethan – No, I mean, at least it didn’t leave a bad impression… Considering what you were saying earlier—our first child, and all that… and the billions of offspring to follow.
Eve – True, it is a bit scary.
Ethan – Yeah.
Eve – Want an apple while we wait?
Blackout.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Ethan and Eve
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Offspring est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.