At the bar the owner and a customer.
Owner –So, did you pass?
Customer – Just scraped through.
Owner – Your parents must have been thrilled.
Customer – They didn’t say anything, anyway.
Owner – Some people just don’t talk much.
Customer – I wish, just once in my life, my parents had told me they were proud of me. Even if it wasn’t true. Don’t you?
Owner – What I wish is that I could have told my parents I was proud of them…
Customer – Do you have kids?
Owner – No. And I’m not sure they would have been proud of me…
Customer – Why’s that?
Owner – So, your parents didn’t kill you…
Customer – No. But that’s when the real trouble started.
Owner – Did you struggle to find a job after finishing your studies?
Customer – I ended up finding one. A basic job, as they say.
Owner – Still better than working the streets.
Customer – Maybe… High school ends your innocence. But that first job, that’s like losing your virginity. You realise you’re properly screwed. You know it only hurts the first time, and you’ll get used to it. But deep down, you suspect it’ll take a hell of a lot of imagination to ever enjoy it… What was it like for you?
Owner – Losing my virginity?
Customer – Your first job! What did you do before going into business for yourself?
Owner – I used to work the street.
Customer – Ah… So you do know what I mean.
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection At the Bar Counter
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Barely Passed est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

A customer arrives. Before entering, she takes a final drag of her cigarette. The customer stands in front of the bar.
Owner – What can I get for you?
Customer – I don’t know… I don’t fancy anything…
Owner – Nothing? Sorry, that’s not on the menu.
Customer – I just feel like throwing myself under a train.
Owner – This isn’t the right place for that. This isn’t a train station, love. So if you want to stay, you’ll have to order something.
Customer – Fine, what do you recommend?
Owner – If you fancy it, I have house sangria.
Customer – I’m not sure… What else do you have?
Owner – A while ago, you didn’t know what to have, and now you find there’s not enough choice?
Customer – Well then I’ll have… a beer. When you have suicidal thoughts, beer seems quite appropriate, doesn’t it?
Owner – What kind of beer?
Customer – Death & Taxes
Owner – I don’t do craft beer.
Customer – What do you have?
Owner – Draught beer.
Customer – What kind of draught beer?
Owner – Regular draught…
Customer – Is that all?
Owner – A moment ago, you didn’t know what to have, and now you think there’s not enough choice?
Customer – A regular draught will be just fine.
Owner – What people come looking for here isn’t beer, you know. They have beer at home in the fridge.
Customer – You’re right. They probably come here looking for a bit of human warmth…
Owner – Doesn’t matter how it’s served, as long as it hits.
Customer – A half-pint then. No, two…
The owner serves her two half-pints.
Owner – Here you go… Two halves…
Customer – Two halves. That makes a whole… At least that’s what I learned in school…
Owner – You’re a funny one, aren’t you… Are you waiting for someone?
Customer – If I were waiting for my other half, I’d go sit at one of those tables and fix myself up. I wouldn’t be here, standing, dishevelled, talking to myself.
Owner – Thanks.
The customer pushes the second half-pint towards the owner.
Customer – You’re different. (They clink glasses.) A bar owner’s like a shrink, a priest or a prostitute. You can tell them everything, but you can’t ask them anything. Especially not if they have issues with their mother, or if they also have dark thoughts sometimes…
Owner – Do you have issues with your mother?
Customer – Do you ever have dark thoughts?
Owner – That’s none of your business!
Customer – Ah, you see…
Owner – Did you come here looking for trouble?
Customer – I came looking for inspiration.
Owner – Oh really…?
Customer – Poets often go to bars to find inspiration. Didn’t you know?
Owner (ironically) – Yes, of course. All my customers are poets.
Customer – They say that every day in this country, two bars close down. It was in the paper this morning.
Owner – I don’t read newspapers.
Customer – But you sell them!
Owner – I sell pipes too. And I don’t smoke.
Customer – Where will poets go for inspiration when all the bars have been replaced by McDonald’s?
Owner – Let them go to hell.
Customer – Believe me, when fast food takes over every corner, poets will be left writing airport fiction.
Owner – Is that why you want to throw yourself under a train?
Customer – Or maybe because I’m afraid I won’t find inspiration.
Owner – Do you really think it’s here that you’ll find something to tell?
Customer – If counters could talk, they’d have plenty to say, wouldn’t they?
Owner – Sure… But I don’t know who would be interested.
Customer – You know, it was in a bar like this one that I found out my exam results.
Owner – No kidding…
Customer – Exams… They’re milestones in life, aren’t they? Rites of passage…
Owner – I don’t know… I don’t even have a driver’s license. I think the only licence I’ll ever get is a burial one.
Customer – I could tell my life story… Or yours…?
Owner – Can you make money telling your life story? All my customers do that for free…
Customer – Money? Not much…
Owner – Peanuts?
Customer – Yes, more or less.
Owner – No, I mean… Do you want peanuts? With your two halves…
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection At the Bar Counter
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Two Halves est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

Two women enter the bar with some hesitation. They glance around the room and approach the bar, behind which the owner stands, stoic, wiping wine glasses.
One – What will you have?
Two – I’m not sure…
One – Red? White?
Two – White…
One – Two glasses of white wine, please.
Owner – We’re out of white.
One – Well… Red, then…
Owner – Two glasses of red coming up.
The owner serves them the two glasses.
One – Let’s sit down while there are still free tables.
Two – Good idea.
The two women sit at a table with their glasses. The first takes a sip and grimaces.
One – Not sure we made the right choice…
Two – About the show?
One – About the wine, at least…
The second woman sips her glass.
Two – Oh dear… Definitely not Château Margaux.
One – What exactly is this event?
Two – I wasn’t too sure… (She pulls a flyer from her bag.) “Little Glasses and Great Wine.” It was free. Probably a cabaret night or something…
One – Cabaret? There isn’t even a stage…
Two – Maybe a one-man show?
One – Or a two-women show, who knows.
Two – You’re right. For the moment, we’re the only ones in the room.
One – “Little glasses and Great wine”… Let’s see… (She checks the brochure.) Wait a minute ! It doesn’t say glasses, it says verses!
Two – Verses?
One – Tiny poems! Bloody hell! It’s a poetry night!
Two (grabs the flyer and checks) – Shit, you’re right!
One – How tragic misunderstandings can arise from dyslexia…
Two – No wonder it was free…
One – Poetry… I knew it was a trap.
Two – I think it’s time to make ourselves scarce…
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection At the Bar Counter
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Poetry Night est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.