You’re probably wondering what I’m doing. Well, I’m much like you. I’m waiting. Waiting for something to happen. What? I couldn’t tell you. If I did know… I’m waiting for things to get better. I could get up and take a walk while waiting, as you might suggest… You might do the same, actually… But no… I don’t think that would be very prudent… Just in case something interesting happens while we’re away… Alright, for the moment, nothing’s happening. But it could start up again when we least expect it. Suddenly… You know, it’s like when you’re at the movies, and the film suddenly stops because the filmstrip melted under the projector’s intense heat. The lights come on, and we’re all sit there like idiots, temporarily blinded, as if we were abruptly woken from a dream. We gradually regain our composure and settle into another round of waiting. Hoping that the film will start again as soon as possible. That we’ll be plunged back into our artificial coma by rewinding the reel. And then we realise that we have absolutely no idea how long the breakdown will last. Maybe it’s more serious than that, and the screening will be canceled. In fact, we’re not even sure if there’s anyone in the projection booth to fix things. What if the projectionist left right after starting the film? After a while, one among us, the bravest, gets up to see what’s going on. Drawing the admiring gaze of those who opt to remain in their seats, waiting anxiously for someone to take the lead. But the hero doesn’t know where to go to rescue his fellow unfortunate moviegoers. A projection booth is very mysterious. There’s no window. Just a small opening for the projector’s light to shine through. We don’t even know where the hidden entrance to this forbidden citadel is. So the guy leaves the screening room, goes back to the cinema entrance, and asks the cashier on duty what’s happening, who obviously has no idea. She doesn’t know where the projectionist is either. Apparently, no one has ever seen him. But she says she’ll find out. The guy returns to the screening room after this act of bravery, ready to share his report and anticipating applause for his daring initiative, despite the very uncertain outcome of his efforts. However, when he opens the door, he realises that the screening room has once again plunged into darkness. The film has already restarted! Without him! He has been taken in. He thinks he would have been better off patiently waiting with the others for things to sort themselves out. With all this, he missed a part of the film. Just a few seconds, no more. But it might have been a key scene. Imagine missing the sled scene in ‘Citizen Kane’! And let’s not forget that these missed frames are in addition to those probably sacrificed by the projectionist in his hurried attempt to repair the melted film by welding its two ends together. “Now, I’m going to be permanently lost,” thinks the returning moviegoer, as his eyes haven’t yet readjusted to the darkness. Fumbling his way back to his seat, he whispers to his neighbour, asking for a summary of what happened during his absence. The girl is about to reluctantly respond, fearing she might miss an essential line while catching him up, when a voice behind them angrily shouts, “Shh!” Relieved, she shoots an apologetic look at the troublemaker before turning her beautiful, fascinated eyes back to the screen, all while luxuriously plunging her hand into her popcorn bag. The show must go on! But the poor zombie, he no longer understands the movie… So I prefer to wait. Do you know how much a savings account pays these days…? Three percent per year… You put your minimum wage into the savings account, get yourself frozen for five hundred years. They microwave you, and you’re a multimillionaire. Now that’s worth waiting for, isn’t it?

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Like a fish in the air
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Darkened Theatre est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

Dark. As if the show is about to begin. But nothing happens, long enough for the audience to start feeling uneasy. A light comes up in a corner, where two spectators, a man and a woman, strangers, are sitting side by side. The man glances nervously at a cinema/theatre guide, then at his watch. The woman is picking popcorn from a giant bag, noisily stuffing handfuls into her mouth.
Him – Sorry… Do you know what’s going on?
Her – I guess we’re waiting for the actors…
Him – Until now, only the audience showed up late. If the actors start doing the same…
Silence.
Her (worried) – Can I see your guide? Just in case the play’s been cancelled…
He hands it to her, but she doesn’t know how to take it with her popcorn still in hand.
Her (holding out the popcorn) – Want some?
He has no choice but to take the bag. She looks at the guide but seems a bit lost. He eats some popcorn with clear distaste.
Her – Sorry, I’m used to Time Out. I can’t find anything in this.
Him – And I don’t like popcorn…
She hands back the guide and takes her popcorn again.
Her – Anyway, it’s too late for a film now. We might as well wait.
Him – I hope it’s worth it…
Her (worried) – Bad reviews?
Him (glancing at the audience) – Not many people here…
Her – Reviews don’t mean much… Sometimes, critics rave about a show that drags on for hours, and no one dares say they’re bored for fear of sounding stupid. Then afterwards they say: “It was so deep, you just didn’t get it.”
Him – Comedy’s a different story. If nobody laughs during the show, they won’t say afterwards: “Only a critic could see how hilarious it was.”
Her – Are you a critic?
Him (surprised) – Not you?
Her – Actress.
Him – Of course…
Her – These days, only actors and critics go to the theatre. One in two audience members is an actor. It’s hard to tell where the stage ends.
Him – You know the play?
Her – Oh, no. But a friend of mine is in it. I came to support her.
Him – Is she famous?
Her – Mostly theatre…
Him – So… (suspicious) You really are an actress?
Her (slightly hurt) – You don’t think I’m convincing?
Him – Oh no… You’re very good.
Her – Actress by night… museum attendant by day.
Him – Considering how modern theatre’s become, it’s more or less the same job, isn’t it?Silence.
Her – I’m out of popcorn.
Him – We might die before the show even starts.
Her – Yes… it’s like they’ve forgotten us.
Him – Years from now, a cleaner will find our skeletons, side by side, hand in hand.
Her – Hand in hand…?
Him – I think when the end comes, we’ll grow more affectionate. Like two shipwreck survivors on a desert island. No real choice.
Her – Do you think they’ll give us a refund?
Him (shocked) – Don’t tell me you paid for this…
Her – Of course not.
Him – Then…
They get up to leave.
Him – We can always come back another time.
Her – If it’s still running. Which I doubt.
Him – We could try another show.
Her – Is that an invitation?
Him (showing an invitation) – For two.
Her – I just hope this one starts on time. What’s it called?
Him (reading) – Him and Her.
Her – Sounds boring too…
Him – I’d better switch my phone back on.
Her – Oh, I forgot to turn mine off…
Black

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Him and Her
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Artists’ Entrance est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.