Two street sweepers are at work. They’re sweeping. One of them picks something up from the ground.
One – It’s amazing what you can find in the gutters.
Two – What is it?
One – An ear.
Two – What?
One – An ear, I’m telling you!
Two – An ear? No way! Let me see… Oh yeah, it’s an ear, indeed.
He starts looking on the ground.
One – What are you looking for?
Two – I’m checking if the second one is there.
One – Why would there be a second one?
Two – I don’t know… Ears come in pairs, don’t they?
One – Ears come in pairs… Ridiculous…
They remain perplexed for a moment, leaning on the handles of their brooms.
Two – What are we going to do with this ear?
One – What do you suggest we do?
Two – I don’t know. Maybe we should try to find its owner.
One – What do you think they’ll do with it?
Two – It seems to me that if I lost an ear and someone found it, I’d like them to return it to me.
One – What do you mean if you lost an ear? You don’t lose your ears like you lose your keys! How do you lose an ear without noticing?
Two – That’s true… How could this person have lost an ear?
One – It could also be a woman.
Two – A woman? Why a woman?
One – Why not a woman? Women have ears too, right? Otherwise, where would they hang their earrings?
Two – But this ear doesn’t have an earring.
One – Maybe it was a woman who didn’t wear earrings…
Two – That’s terrible…
One – What?
Two – Knowing that somewhere, a woman is walking down the street with only one ear.
One – The woman with the cut-off ear…
Just then, a woman arrives.
Three – I can read palm lines. Would you like me to read yours?
One – We’re looking for someone who reads earlobes. Can you do that?
Three – Let me see…
He hands her the ear.
One – Here, I’m lending you a listening ear.
Two – We mostly want to know to whom this ear belongs.
The fortune teller seems to concentrate.
Three – I see… a broom.
Two – Do you think this ear could have belonged to a witch?
One – A broom… Of course, we’re street sweepers, so she sees brooms! If we were fishmongers, she’d smell fish. And if we were sailors, she’d hear the sea…
Three – For now, I mostly sense bad vibes…
Two – We found this ear while sweeping up dead leaves in the gutter.
One – Autumn is the peak season for street sweepers… Dead ears pile up…
Two – What else do you see?
Three – I see… (Waving the ear, as if in a trance) I don’t see anything, but I hear.
Two – And what do you hear?
Three – I hear a voice… coming from very far away.
Two – And what is this voice saying?
Three – I hear… numbers!
One – Numbers?
Two – It must be a coded message.
Three – Five digits… And a sixth one…
Two – The supplementary number!
Three – Yes… Yes, that’s it… It looks like the combination for the next lottery draw!
One – The lottery?
Two – And what are these numbers?
She abruptly hands him the ear back, as if the spell has been broken.
Three – To find out, you must pay in advance.
One – Right… And what proves it’s the right combination?
Three – Nothing. You’re not obligated to believe. It’s up to you…
Two – Still, can you imagine? What if it’s the right number?
One – Are you serious?
Two – What do we have to lose?
One – I think madam will tell us that…
Three – Fifty euros.
One – Fifty euros?
Three – Take it or leave it.
One – And what if it’s true, why don’t you play the winning combination yourself?
Three – You found the ear, not me. It would go against my professional ethics.
Two – It’s only 25 euros each…
One – How about 40, okay?
Three – Okay.
They each give her a twenty euro note. She takes out a paper from her pocket and hands it to them.
Three – Here are the winning numbers.
Two – But… they were already written on this paper before you heard that voice!
Three (emphatically) – Destiny is always written in advance.
She leaves.
Two – I don’t know why, but I believe her…
One – And what are these numbers?
The other is about to tell him but refrains.
Two – Come over here instead… (Glancing at the audience) Walls have ears…
They step back a bit.
One – So?
Two – 13.
One – Classic.
Two – 5 bis.
One – Let’s just say 5.
Two – And 214.
One – 214?
Two – Let’s say 2, 1, and 4.
One – Yeah, but that’s only 5 numbers.
Two – Oh yeah, that’s right…
One – She didn’t give us the supplementary number, the sneak.
Two – We should have given her the fifty euros she asked for.
One – Yeah, it’s going to be my fault now.
Two – And what about this ear? It doesn’t look very clean…
One – Obviously, we found it in the gutter…
Two – Yeah… (Addressing the audience) Did anyone lose an ear? A dirty ear… Well, I’ll leave it here, prominently displayed. If the person who lost it wants to retrieve it…
One – So, are we making that lottery ticket, yes or no?
Two – Let’s do it… I don’t know why, but I have a feeling it’s our lucky day…
They exit.
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Sidewalk Chronicles
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article Out with the Broom est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.

A section of the street with a sidewalk, and possibly a bench. One character (man or woman) approaches from one side, while another character approaches from the opposite side.
One – Excuse me, do you know where this street leads?
Two – Where it leads? Oh no, I… I’m not exactly sure.
One – But you just came from there, didn’t you?
Two – From where?
One – From this street!
Two – Oh no, I come from number 5, there. That’s where I live… Anyway, it’s right at the beginning of the street. In the other direction, I have no idea where this street goes.
One – Oh, that’s annoying.
Two – Annoying?
One – I won’t take this street without knowing where it leads.
Two – But where are you going?
One – I was told it’s at the end of the street, but…
Two – At the end of the street? Which street?
One – I was told the one going downhill.
Two – The street going downhill? Then it must not be this one.
One – And why not?
Two – I would say this street goes uphill, don’t you think?
One – Oh, really? You think so? I rather think it goes downhill.
Two – Or maybe you didn’t take it in the right direction…
One – Oh no, for me, it goes downhill.
A third character arrives.
Two – Excuse me for bothering you… Do you think this street goes uphill or downhill?
Three – Is this for a survey?
Two – No…
Three – I’m warning you, I don’t do politics.
Two – No, no, it’s just this person who… They were told it’s at the end of the street going downhill, and…
The third person looks at the street.
Three – I would say this street is rather flat, isn’t it?
Two – A false flat, then…
One – Yes, but is it a false flat going uphill or downhill?
Three – Let’s put a marble on the sidewalk, and we’ll see if it goes uphill or downhill.
One – How could a marble go uphill?
Three – Not the marble! The street. We put the marble on the ground, and we’ll see in which direction it starts rolling.
One – Yes, of course, we can do that…
They all seem to be waiting for something.
Two – Do you have a marble?
Three – No.
One – Then why did you talk about putting a marble on the ground?
Three – I just said it like that! I never said I had a marble. Do I look like someone who plays with marbles?
Two – We’d have to find a kid.
One – A kid with marbles.
They look around.
Three – Nowadays, kids playing with marbles…
Two – Yeah…
Three – It’s true. It’s a lost art. When I was a kid, we still played with marbles.
Two – It was a different time. It seems so far away. Now, if kids played with marbles, it would be through a smartphone app.
One – Well, that still doesn’t tell me if it’s the right street.
Three – The right street?
Two – They told him it’s at the end of the street, but they didn’t tell him the name of the street.
Three – Just at the end of the street?
One – I was told the street going downhill.
Three – Going downhill? But in which direction?
Two – That’s what I told him…
Three – But where are you going exactly?
One – Nowhere! I’m looking for my car.
Three – Your car…
One – My husband told me he parked it on a street going downhill, but he didn’t tell me which one…
Two – Was it a long time ago?
Three – Why? Do you think the slope of the street could have changed in the meantime?
Two – Why don’t you just go down the street and see if your car is parked there?
Three – Go down… or up. That is the question.
Two – Did he tell you the exact number?
One – He just said at the end of the street. Right at the top.
Three (skeptical) – At the top? At the end of a street going downhill…
One – I’m a bit afraid of getting lost. I’ve been circling around for a good fifteen minutes already.
Three – It does seem to turn a bit, all the way at the end, doesn’t it?
Two – Well, that would explain everything…
Three – What?
Two – What’s the name of the street on the other side?
One – That street? The one going downhill too?
Three – I would say it goes uphill, but well…
Two – I’ll go check…
He goes to check. The third person turns in the direction where the other one went.
Three – I don’t know where that street goes; I’ve never taken it. I always go to number 214 on Turnalot Street. Twice a week for over ten years.
The other one comes back.
Two – It’s unbelievable; it’s also Turnalot Street, number 214.
Three – That street is Turnalot Street?
Two – Well yes, just like this one.
One – How can a street go downhill in both directions?
Three – Well, if it’s a street that goes in a circle…
Two – It can very well go downhill in both directions…
Three – That’s why your husband told you the street going downhill…
Two – And at the end of a street going downhill in a circle, naturally, you’re at the top of the street.
One – Oh yes, that makes sense…
Three – It’s incredible… I’ve been going through this street from end to end for ten years to go to my psychoanalyst, taking a left at the exit of the station, and I realise today that it’s just to the right when you come out.
One – Oh yes, that’s truly going in circles.
Two – If I were you, I’d stop psychoanalysis…
One (turning around) – Oh well, look, there it is over there…
Three – What?
One – My car!
Two – Well, there you go.
Three – All’s well that ends well.
One – Thank you very much for your help… Excuse me, I have to run, I’m already late…
Two – But of course.
The character walks away. The other two watch him go.
Three – It doesn’t seem to go very smoothly, though…
Two – Yeah…
Black.

All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.

To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.

A sketch from the collection Sidewalk Chronicles
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)

Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net

L’article At the End of the Street est apparu en premier sur La Sketchothèque.